Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Tequila Christmas Cake

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the tequila again.
To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup ... just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt or something.
Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.

CHERRY MISTMAS!

2006-08-12 04:26:00 · 15 answers · asked by mka1369 2

you have 2 ducks in front of a duck, 2 ducks behind a duck, and a duck in the middle?

2006-08-12 03:59:55 · 14 answers · asked by daddysboicub 5

2006-08-12 03:47:27 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-12 03:32:33 · 11 answers · asked by May 2

whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

First correct answer 10pts. i feel nice today

2006-08-12 03:30:46 · 9 answers · asked by detroitsports_fan 3

Sardarji pulled out 6 people from a burning house......

Still he was jailed.......!!!!



why???



coz........




All the 6 persons were .........












FIREMEN!!!!

2006-08-12 03:30:27 · 21 answers · asked by Babli 2

2006-08-12 03:12:14 · 26 answers · asked by anuja 1

Gone for a dump and it's been a really smelly one so you try and rush out of the bathroom and the handle drops off the door and you are locked in?

2006-08-12 03:11:49 · 36 answers · asked by ♪ GOTH CHICK♫ 3

Don't give me Silly Answers, they are Very Camp!

2006-08-12 03:09:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-12 03:04:54 · 20 answers · asked by 11 1

spotted a large beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said £50.00!
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that
this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it
says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and
waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought
"that's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said,
"New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation.
Moments later, the woman's husband Alex, came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "

2006-08-12 03:04:27 · 11 answers · asked by easyboy 4

2006-08-12 02:56:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. he breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom. while hes in there the husband tells his wife:
"listen this guys an escaped convict, look at his clothes!
he probably spent alot of time in jail and hasnt seen a woman in years. i saw how he kissed your neck". if he wants sex dont resist, dont complain, do whatever he tells you"!
satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. this guy is probably very dangerous and if he gets angry he'll kill us, be strong honey, i love you"!
To which the wife responds:
He wasnt kissing my neck. he was wispering in my ear. he told me he was gay, and asked me if we had any vaseline. i told him it was in the bathroom. be strong honey i love you too"!!

2006-08-12 02:47:36 · 25 answers · asked by chipz and gravy 2

2006-08-12 02:39:21 · 7 answers · asked by Salma 1

2006-08-12 02:10:37 · 17 answers · asked by Salma 1

First person who gets it right gets 10POINTS!

2006-08-12 02:07:02 · 8 answers · asked by Tammy 1

2006-08-12 02:04:05 · 18 answers · asked by Bean 2

i am officially out of laughs these days.

2006-08-12 02:01:45 · 15 answers · asked by Holly♥ 2

2006-08-12 01:57:32 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

first one right gets 10 points!

2006-08-12 01:52:11 · 16 answers · asked by Tyler 2

2006-08-12 01:50:00 · 15 answers · asked by Zahir 1

2006-08-12 01:44:40 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-12 01:34:36 · 59 answers · asked by Anonymous

Think about it!

2006-08-12 01:22:55 · 21 answers · asked by lady love 2

Help me cheer her up please?

2006-08-12 01:11:25 · 12 answers · asked by ♪ GOTH CHICK♫ 3

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."


A month later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.


The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."


Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."


Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."


They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' And she said, "Take a sweater..."

2006-08-12 01:05:16 · 8 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2006-08-12 00:49:00 · 12 answers · asked by yssa 2

Subject: The Old Farmer

An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe pits, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he approached closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral:
Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time.

2006-08-12 00:43:16 · 12 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

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2006-08-12 00:34:03 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-12 00:15:09 · 17 answers · asked by Sangy . 4