Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home
from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of
horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer
said, "That's once."

A little further along, the poor old horse
stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice."

After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled
again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached
under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the
horse.

His brand new bride raised all kind of heck with
him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said, "That's once."

2006-07-24 18:47:28 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man went to visit his friend and sees a strange
machine in the middle of his living room. He
asks, "What is that?" His friend replies, "It is
a sex machine." " Oh, how does it work?" " Just
stick your dick in, insert a quarter, and it will
jerk you off!" So the guy immediately wants to
try it. The friend says ok and tells him he is
going to get a drink of water from the kitchen
while he does his thing.

Suddenly the friend hears a loud shriek. He runs
back and asks, "What's the matter? Did you insert
a quarter?" The guy says, "I didn’t have a
quarter so I inserted a dime!"

"But for a dime, it only sharpens pencils!"
replies the friend.

2006-07-24 18:43:39 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

okay...i wanna prank this guy ove the internet..i'll soon have his phone number...once he calls me...and i have to come up with a sweet prank..because he has pranked me many time (i'm prety gulible)...i don't want him to get seriously hurt or anything..cause i like the guy..but any pranks?????? we talk over aim and yahoo...so its not like i am gonna see him in person..thanks a bunch..i greatly appreciate it!

2006-07-24 18:43:35 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

once there was a little green house, and inside the little green house there was a little white house, and inside the little white house there was a little red house, and inside the little red house there were little black men...WHAT IS IT??

2006-07-24 18:43:00 · 12 answers · asked by cityxlightsxfade 2

Who's my favorite rapper of all time?

Now if you get it wrong then I'mma ____ you up.


One love.

2006-07-24 18:41:58 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

There's a black cat on a black road, and there's no lights anywhere. A black vehicle drives up and manages to stop, saving the cat's life, but he as well doesn't have his headlights on. how does he see the cat?

2006-07-24 18:38:23 · 10 answers · asked by ? 2

When Condolezza Rice came home from Lebanon, the President asked her whether she had felt safe there.

"Oh yes, Mr President, Sir, I felt quite safe" she smiled "the Lebanese don't eat rice you know!".

"Hell, Condy," George replied" I could'a gone there myself, then, 'cos they don't eat bush neither!"

2006-07-24 18:32:46 · 7 answers · asked by tmuk55 3

you are at the bottom of stairs. and beside you are 3 switches which corresponds to 3 different lights. THe lights are upstairs so you can't see it. How do you find out which switch belongs to a certain light for all three. And you can only go up once. No going down or anything. Just Going up once.

2006-07-24 18:17:59 · 42 answers · asked by dwajjang 2

So this blonde wearing headpnones walks into a salon wanting a haircut. She tells the stylist no matter what don't take the headphones off. The stylist thinks it a bit weird but shurgs it off and proceeds to cut the blondes hair avoiding the headphones. As she is about finished the haircut she notices the only hair that is uneven is under the headphones. She thinks to herself, 'I'll just take them off real quick and snip snip I'll be done, and put the headphones right back on.' So she whips off the headphones real quick but the blonde starts to gasp and carry on till she turns blue and passes out dead. The stylist says omygod what have i done. In shock she puts the headphones on and hears, "Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. Breath......"

2006-07-24 17:59:21 · 11 answers · asked by Love of Truth 5

A man had a hot date with a sexy blonde girl and he wanted to get an all-over tan. He went to his apartment rooftop to tan naked. Unfourtunatly, he fell asleep and got a really bad sunburn on his (can I say this on here?) penis.

So that night, he went to the blonde's apartment, trying to ignore his burn. They were watching a video when "Mini-Me" started to get really irritated.

So he rushed to the kitchen and poured himself a nice tall glass of milk. He felt instant relief as he dipped his burning penis into the glass.

The blonde rushed in, saw what her date was doing and said "So that's how you load those things?"

2006-07-24 17:52:07 · 11 answers · asked by Violet 3

2006-07-24 17:51:44 · 20 answers · asked by Dance Out. ☆ 1

Jickles:

2006-07-24 17:46:50 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

With 3 heads of dogs,7 cats, 5 porky pigs,& 2 rats...What do I have??

2006-07-24 17:43:42 · 14 answers · asked by blueboyswoman 4

There are 10 packs of cigarette. Each pack weight 100grams. Each packs contains 10 cigarettes @10grams. But there is 1(one) pack (Fake one) weight only 90grams,contains 10 cigarettes @ 9grams.
How do you know which one is the Fake? You only have 1 chance to guess using a scale.
10 points to the first correct answer

2006-07-24 17:34:54 · 16 answers · asked by Andrew Petrucci 2

I'm bored. Any Kind of joke as long as it's HILARIOUS!

2006-07-24 17:25:36 · 11 answers · asked by Violet 3

13. will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant
14. our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it
15. will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink
16. would you please send a man to repair my down spout. i am an old aged pensioner and need it straight away
17. could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? my wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us
18. i want to complain about the farmer across the road. every morning at 5.30 his c-o-c-k wakes me up, and it is getting to much
19. when the workmen were here they put their tools in my wifes new drawers and made a mess. please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy

2006-07-24 17:03:30 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-24 16:57:45 · 13 answers · asked by .? 1

SAY IT OUT LOUD TO YOUR SELF THREE TIMES FAST. AND PLEASE DON'T SCREW IT UP OK.TOY BOAT,,,,TOY BOAT, TOY BOAT!!

TOY BOAT
TOY BOAT
TOY BOAT
TOY BOAT
TOY BOAT
TOY BOAT

2006-07-24 16:57:12 · 13 answers · asked by WILLIEGOGO 3

2006-07-24 16:52:54 · 5 answers · asked by Sarah 4

2006-07-24 16:23:46 · 24 answers · asked by cat_cat_green 2

lol i'm not understanding the concept of trying to dry anything on yourself while being drenched in water... wouldn't that contradict each other? Sometimes I wonder about the people who make warning labels.... :p

2006-07-24 16:21:57 · 30 answers · asked by ? 4

Ten points to the answer I like best!

2006-07-24 16:15:34 · 33 answers · asked by Katie 2

2006-07-24 16:11:59 · 34 answers · asked by cat_cat_green 2

2006-07-24 16:03:21 · 5 answers · asked by snowy dragon 1

2006-07-24 15:55:05 · 6 answers · asked by Freddy D 2

5.....................2 to hold him and 3 to hold the bags of Oranges!!! if you didn't get it n/m

2006-07-24 15:50:46 · 19 answers · asked by Christopher J 1

2006-07-24 15:49:52 · 6 answers · asked by cat_cat_green 2

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde.

The brunette says in a disgusted voice, "Hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I'll go get some toilet paper."

After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh. The redhead says, "What's so funny?"

The blonde says, "Well, blondes are supposed to be so dumb and look at her. By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!"

2006-07-24 15:45:57 · 28 answers · asked by WILLIEGOGO 3

so he goes to the store manager and says, exuse me please, I would like to buy some toilot paper
the manager says, well we have some delsy at $3 a roll
the hindo; no no no to much to much
mansger; well we have purex $2 a roll
hindo; no no no to much yo much
manager; well we have some no name for $0.25 a roll
hindo; oh yes thank you, buys it and leaves.
next day the hindo comes back to the store and says to the manager.
exscuse me please, I have a name for your no name toilat paper.
the manager says; oh ya whats that
the hindo says you can call it '' John Wayne
the manager says; why would you want to call it John Wayne
the hindo says; because its wrough, its tough, and it dont take any sh;t from us indians.

2006-07-24 15:42:23 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-24 15:41:49 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous