make me laugh?

Answer 1

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said... ''Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is huge. I'll bet it's as wide as the gas grill.'' Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then his wife's butt. ''Yep,'' he said,'' just what I thought, just about the same size.'' The wife became mad and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.

When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, ''How about it, honey? How about a little lovemaking?'' The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. ''What's the matter?'' he asked. She replied... ''You don't think I'm going to fire up this big A$$ grill for one little weenie, do you?''

Answer 2

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.

They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."

The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."

The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"

"Sure," says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"

She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"

Answer 3

Why did the group of kids get kicked out when they went to see the movie pirates of the Caribbean ?
It was arrrgh rated !

Answer 4

there was once this boy,he wanted to learn english.so he went to his father and ask him ''papa can u teach u me english''(in he hsi native language).At the time his father was talking on the phone.The father on the phone said yes.so the boy listen to the word the father said and left the house.he first went to a ice-cream shop first and the owner ask would u like some ice-cream. the boy said yes.Then he went to a candy shop and the owner ask would u like some candy.The boy said yes.then the boy went to a a boxer.the boxer ask''can i punch u'' and the boy said yes.the boy went back to his house with one black eye and told his father''papa i told everyone the word u told me then why do i have a one black eye''.the father was still on the phone and the father on the phone said no.so the boy heard his father again and left the house.he went back to the ice-cream shop,the owner ask the samething as before but the boy said no.he went back to the candy shop,the owner ask the same question before and the boy said no.the boy then went back to the boxer.The boxer said sorry to the boy and showed him a picture of his daughter,he said''isnt she beautiful.'' the boy said no.the boxer got angry at him and punch him again.the boy went back to his father and said ''papa i told everyone the word u said then why do i have two black eyes.tThe father was still on the phone and said very good.so the boy listen to the word and left the house.he went back to the ice-cream shop ,the owner said''all of our ice-creams is melted''.the boy said very good.the boy went back to the candy shop and the owner said''all of our candies have fell on the floor.the boy said very good.the boy went to the boxer again and the boxer was crying.the boxer said ''my mother died''the boy said very good.the boxer gave one big punch

Answer 5

Why did the signal turn red?
You'd turn red too if you changed in the middle of the street!