2006-07-24 17:51:44 · 20 answers · asked by Dance Out. ☆ 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
What has 4 legs and one arm?
A very happy pitbull.
2006-07-24 17:54:30 · answer #1 · answered by csucdartgirl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Spelling to get into Heaven
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.
She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."
The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
"Czechoslovakia."
Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry... There will be Hell to pay later!
2006-07-24 17:56:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the elephant walk on two feet?
To give the ants a chance!
Why do elephants have trunks?
Because they've no pockets to put things in!
Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain?
To stop getting wet!
What do elephants do in the evenings?
Watch elevision!
How to elephants talk to each other?
By 'elephone!
What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses?
Nothing, he didn't recognize them!
When do elephants have 8 feet?
When there are two of them!
What did the elephant say to the famous detective?
It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock!
Zoo Keeper:"I've lost one of my elephants"
Other Zoo Keeper:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
Zoo Keeper:"Don't be silly, he can't read!"
What do you do if you find a blue elephant?
Try and cheer him up!
2006-07-24 18:30:24 · answer #3 · answered by huma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Diner: "Waiter, why do you have your thumb on my steak?"
Water: "I didn't want it to fall on the floor again, sir."
Sailor with a pelican on his head goes to a psychiatrist. Doctor says "Come in, I can tell you need to see me right away. Sit down, Now tell me, how did all this begin?" Pelican says, "Well Doc, it started out as a wart on my fanny!"
Willie found some dynamite;
Didn't understand it, quite.
Curiosity never pays:
It rained Wille seven days!
Q: What's the difference between a brunette and a redhead?
A: You don't know...? What, are you Blonde...?
Yo momma so ugly she use poison ivy for makeup and roadkill for deodorant!
True story: the old time TV comedian Soupy Sales once ended his show by saying. "Listen, kids, when your mom and dad aren't looking, go to their dressers and take out all those pieces of paper with pictures of presidents on them and send them to me, Soupy Sales, care of this TV station...." (He almost lost his job for that.)
2006-07-24 18:32:08 · answer #4 · answered by cdf-rom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know many jokes, but here goes. I remembered this one earlier today.
Part 1: How do you confuse a blonde?
- Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Part 2: How does a blonde confuse you?
- When she sits in the corner.
2006-07-24 17:58:39 · answer #5 · answered by jelzinga95 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Paris Hilton, President of the USA
2006-07-24 17:55:14 · answer #6 · answered by Kimmiepooh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there was once this boy,he wanted to learn english.so he went to his father and ask him ''papa can u teach u me english''(in he hsi native language).At the time his father was talking on the phone.The father on the phone said yes.so the boy listen to the word the father said and left the house.he first went to a ice-cream shop first and the owner ask would u like some ice-cream. the boy said yes.Then he went to a candy shop and the owner ask would u like some candy.The boy said yes.then the boy went to a a boxer.the boxer ask''can i punch u'' and the boy said yes.the boy went back to his house with one black eye and told his father''papa i told everyone the word u told me then why do i have a one black eye''.the father was still on the phone and the father on the phone said no.so the boy heard his father again and left the house.he went back to the ice-cream shop,the owner ask the samething as before but the boy said no.he went back to the candy shop,the owner ask the same question before and the boy said no.the boy then went back to the boxer.The boxer said sorry to the boy and showed him a picture of his daughter,he said''isnt she beautiful.'' the boy said no.the boxer got angry at him and punch him again.the boy went back to his father and said ''papa i told everyone the word u said then why do i have two black eyes.tThe father was still on the phone and said very good.so the boy listen to the word and left the house.he went back to the ice-cream shop ,the owner said''all of our ice-creams is melted''.the boy said very good.the boy went back to the candy shop and the owner said''all of our candies have fell on the floor.the boy said very good.the boy went to the boxer again and the boxer was crying.the boxer said ''my mother died''the boy said very good.the boxer gave one big punch
2006-07-24 18:29:37 · answer #7 · answered by mimi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's green and red and goes round and around?
Answer: Frog in a blender.
2006-07-24 18:17:48 · answer #8 · answered by Love of Truth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh.
How do you make a kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
2006-07-24 17:54:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you get a dumb blonde to die?>..put a sratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool!!!
2006-07-24 18:20:12 · answer #10 · answered by Meg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋