Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

Business Agreement


Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his
office... but she belonged to someone else.
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up
to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let
me have sex with you." But the girl said, "NO." Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get
his pants down. She agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an
hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened...

She said "The bastard used quarters!"

Management lesson: Always consider a business
proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to itand
getting screwed

2006-06-28 05:30:58 · 22 answers · asked by McRach 3

Obviously, if you are religious, God did not create an egg. He created a chicken, therefore the chicken came first. It is complete logic, and if you think otherwise, say below.

2006-06-28 05:26:50 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Look at this news story i saw...


Paris Hilton Continues To Squander Earth's Oxygen

June 28th - The earth lost nearly 550 liters of oxygen today, as Paris Hilton respired continuously, while providing nothing of any value in return. Aside from producing sizable quantities of the greenhouse gas carbon dioxide, Ms. Hilton spent most of her day drinking vodka and hurling racial epithets at her gardening staff.

Experts estimate that over the past year alone, Ms Hilton has consumed roughly 200,750 liters of pure oxygen, while failing to work, sing, act, or perform any other useful function, making her existence a net loss for the planet. Analysts predict that, barring a cocaine overdose or a particularly virulent strain of the clap, Ms. Hilton will likely continue her reckless consumption of natural resources for at least forty more years.

http://www.prizewriter.org

2006-06-28 05:24:28 · 43 answers · asked by ashley f 1

2006-06-28 05:16:38 · 13 answers · asked by Delgado 3

No swearing please

2006-06-28 05:04:18 · 16 answers · asked by Nikki 2

Billy Bob Thornton has sent a wax effigy of his manhood to Brad and Angelina to celebrate the birth of their child.

2006-06-28 04:45:41 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

first guy to get the right answer gets 10 points

2006-06-28 04:24:20 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) Bill Clinton, George Bush and George Washington were on the Titanic.
As the boat was sinking, George Washington heroically shouts, ''Save the women!''

George Bush hysterically screeches, ''Screw the women!''

And Bill Clinton's eyes light up and he says, ''Do we have time?''


2) John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends . One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St.Peter and said, "St.Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can't find him!"

St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn''t make it to Heaven."

This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other

2006-06-28 04:17:39 · 27 answers · asked by POWER-FULL 2

2006-06-28 04:16:56 · 27 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-06-28 04:15:38 · 8 answers · asked by ticklefoot 4

I saw this little girl on the beach trying to eat grapes and a seagull hovered over her waiting to steal one. She did not notice for a very long time and was startled when her friend started laughing at her. She got mad and threw one at the bird, who caught it and flew off. Moments later many more birds flew over her, trying to get her grapes. She started walking away around and it looked like the pied piper leading children around, only this time it was a little girl leading a flock of birds. We all laughed and wished we had a camera.

What have you seen that made you laugh

2006-06-28 04:11:56 · 14 answers · asked by JamesB@CL 4

and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?

2006-06-28 04:07:02 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hehe .. let's see .. who got it ..

2006-06-28 04:00:41 · 12 answers · asked by aShIkA 1

Mr. Cadbury and Ms Rowntree met on a coach journey. It was After Eight. She was from Quality Street; he was a Fisherman's Friend. On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum & Butter and she had a Wine Gum.
He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole", she said. "I'm the one with the Nuts", he thought. Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked in and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic.
It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt the contrast of her Double Decker. Then he showed her his Curly Wurly. Ms Rowntree wasn't keen to have any more Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge.
It was a Magic Moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he came out his Fun Sized Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more but he decided to take Time Out.

2006-06-28 03:42:45 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Brothers and Sisters, I have none. But this man's Father is my Father's son."

Who is the speaker talking about?

2006-06-28 03:39:07 · 28 answers · asked by nisanch 1

I spent $8 on a Playboy and figured out that the head on my penis keeps my hand from flying off !!!!

2006-06-28 03:35:33 · 19 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

Keep it relatively clean for the little ones. Know you guys can be funny without foul.

2006-06-28 03:33:29 · 3 answers · asked by laughsall 4

tell me a joke if i laugh the loudest at yours u get get 10

2006-06-28 03:30:43 · 16 answers · asked by the dynamic 5

Killing Osama will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will
only inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release.
Therefore, I suggest : -
Take him to an undisclosed hospital and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation.Then return "her" to the area still controlled by Taliban in Afghanistan to live as a woman under their rule

2006-06-28 03:24:06 · 14 answers · asked by Pd 6

Aside from Nestle's water , and boring. All of you, have some creative fun with those words.

2006-06-28 03:21:53 · 3 answers · asked by laughsall 4

U.S. troops sprayed the mountains with Viagra and the dick stood up !

2006-06-28 03:10:56 · 28 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

2006-06-28 02:56:15 · 11 answers · asked by Amanda C 3

Three men go out for a meal, and overall the meal costs £25. They each pay in a £10 note, and the waiter comes back with change. As £5 cannot be evenly divided into three, he kept £2 as a tip, and gave each man £1 back. So they each paid £9 so thats £27 in total and the waiter took £2 so overall £29... where's the missing pound?

2006-06-28 02:42:38 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Gosh i've been on this site for sometime now and i've realized one thing!

Some people can't diffrenciate between a joke or a serious question. Some people are just trying to be funny so that everyone can have a good laugh... but there are those people who started to curse them and have ill-feelings for them...

Is this because they're too dull inside, so they can't see the joke? Or did the joke offend them too much?

2006-06-28 02:34:03 · 16 answers · asked by silvs 5

Post your best April Fools styled prank here. Best prank idea will get points. Please no pranks that cause harm or include hate.

2006-06-28 02:29:16 · 10 answers · asked by iiiis 3

I stand tall and sometimes short. i am straight and also can be different shapes. I hardly ever talk or scream until you rip my clothing off of me. You hang things off me and use me for decoration. I am also different colors until i am painted with a different clothing color.
1 clue-You can hang a board off of me useing either a thumb tack, nail, or screw.
What am I?
(sorry I asked this question 2ice-I messed up on the last one!)

2006-06-28 01:55:55 · 26 answers · asked by ♥mcmanda♥ 5

Need some new jokes, that are Super funny. Have to be family friendly with no swears, or adult content. Can be for mature thinkers, but not R or X rated.

You'll see the winning submissions posted on our site, with credit to you for the joke.

Looking forward to the laughs!

2006-06-28 01:55:20 · 4 answers · asked by iiiis 3

2006-06-28 01:48:20 · 5 answers · asked by s s 1

2006-06-28 01:45:04 · 22 answers · asked by pennyproud 1

with tomato sauce ??

he he he

2006-06-28 01:37:19 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous