Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

2006-06-28 14:16:18 · 4 answers · asked by Bee 4

eat a small can of cat food???? or seven lemons (seeds, pulp, juice and rind)????

2006-06-28 14:13:49 · 25 answers · asked by ? 6

always lose??? or never play???

2006-06-28 14:11:39 · 21 answers · asked by ? 6

have an x-acto knife blade shoved under your thumbnail??? or have your nipple cut off with scissors????

2006-06-28 14:10:24 · 15 answers · asked by ? 6

shave your mom's bikini line??? or your dad's butt????

2006-06-28 14:08:03 · 10 answers · asked by ? 6

crap a softball??? or pee a marble????

2006-06-28 14:06:46 · 11 answers · asked by ? 6

1 you find yourself begining to like accordian music
2 lawn care has become a big highlight of your life
3 your underwear creeps up on you and you enjoy it
4 you tune into the easy listining station on purpose
5 you discover that your measurments are now small medium and large in that order
6 you keep repeting yourself
7 you start videotaping daytime game shows
8 at cafeterias you complain that the jello is to tough
9 your new esaychair has more options than your car
10 when you do the hokey pokey you put your left hip out and it stays there
11 1 of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle
12 conversations with people people of your own age often turn into duelling ailments
13 you keep repeting yourself
14 it takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump
15 youre on a tv game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker
16 you begin every other sentance with "nowadays"
17 you run out of breath walking down a flight of stairs

2006-06-28 14:05:30 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

make them funny as can be:)

2006-06-28 13:58:35 · 16 answers · asked by sexeythang1 1

George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously,
he goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.

"I'm not sure what to do," says the devil. "You're on
my list but I have no room for you. As you definitely
have to stay here I'm going to have to let someone
else go. I've got three folks who weren't quite as bad
as you. I'll even let you decide who leaves." George
thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard
Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in
and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in
hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm
not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all
day long."
The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony
Blair with a sledge hammer and room full of rocks.
All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.
"No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would
be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks
all day." commented George.
The devil opened a third door. In it, George was Bill
Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over
his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose.
Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does
best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a
while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"




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2006-06-28 13:54:38 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-28 13:48:36 · 16 answers · asked by funkymonkey 3

2006-06-28 13:40:17 · 20 answers · asked by Q 6

10 points to the guy the funniest answer!

2006-06-28 13:38:38 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

clever blonde? 10 pionts for right answer

2006-06-28 13:19:32 · 40 answers · asked by dragonnookie 3

the dog and the cat where talking and the cat ran off telling nasty rummers about the dog being soooooooo mean and the squirl hade nothing to say so he just ignored the dog and nobody ever talked to the dog again.
why did this never happen??

2006-06-28 13:15:08 · 20 answers · asked by Lucy P 1

A bean in front of a bean, a bean behind a bean and a bean in the middle, how many beans? 10 points for first right answer

2006-06-28 13:14:00 · 43 answers · asked by dragonnookie 3

My Town is so Tough... Hey I made it here, prolly why I'm so tough!

Hotels that ask your name, address and next of kin to register
Ice-cream trucks that play "taps"
Gun shops that have "Back to School" sales
High school newspapers with obituary columns
Restaurants that serve broken leg of lamb
Chapters of Jehovah's Alibiers
Bowling alleys where most people bowl overhand
Schools that require a sick note co-signed by a parole officer
Christmas pageants that feature the three Wise Guys
Advice columns with hints like how to get blood off of a chain saw
A 911 emergency service with a two day waiting list
"Honor students" who practice saying "Yes/No, your honor"
Mothers who give their kids $5 every day for the holdup man
The Girl Scouts sell nookie door to door.
Forgery 101 and Advanced Counterfeiting are required subjects

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-06-28 12:51:37 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game, three men were annoyed because the nuns' habits partially blocked their view. They decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move.

In a very loud voice the first guy said, "I think I'll move to Utah because there are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana because there are only 50 nuns living there." The third guy said, "I might go to Idaho because there are only 25 nuns living there."

One of the nuns turned around, and in a calm, sweet voice said, "Why don't you go to hell - there aren't any nuns living there!"

2006-06-28 12:49:43 · 5 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time ... and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year... maybe on your anniversary.
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma now?"
His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."
"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.
"Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. And she yells, 'F*ck You,' and I holler back, 'F*ck You too.'"

2006-06-28 12:45:02 · 19 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-06-28 12:29:58 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-28 12:22:00 · 26 answers · asked by the bodine machine 1

2006-06-28 12:19:46 · 9 answers · asked by yeah boi 1

2006-06-28 12:17:43 · 10 answers · asked by aloha from hawaii 1

2006-06-28 12:06:13 · 1 answers · asked by doublewidemama 6

like ......i once was sad because i had no shoes..till i met a man who had no feet......so i says....got any shoes ur not using?...cracks me up.....got any good stuff out there...if so send it my way....tx

2006-06-28 12:02:09 · 30 answers · asked by htwo0_h2o 2

please remember there are lots of guys disguise as a girl

2006-06-28 12:00:48 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

answer soon....unless you get it.

2006-06-28 11:59:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

i need to laugh, i am so d a m n bored, i need a joke, or something funny you once did to someone else, thanx

2006-06-28 11:52:49 · 39 answers · asked by Kate 2

He sold his soul to santa

2006-06-28 11:51:22 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-28 11:45:30 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

chemists usually mix different chemicals to be able to create a new one.
what will you add to oil to make it shines like silver?

2006-06-28 11:44:17 · 11 answers · asked by danny boy 2