Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

Two men are crossing the Desert on a camel.......Halfway across the desert they come to an oasis. One man says to the other man......."We need to refill the camel with water to make it across... but the camel won't drink.".
The other man says......"What I'll do is hold the camels head in the water and you go around back and suck on his brown eye until he is full...."

After about five minutes the man at the back start spitting and hollering at the man up front......."Can you pull his head up.........It's too deep..........He's sucking MUD!!"

2006-06-28 16:45:42 · 7 answers · asked by snuggels102 6

Anyone got any crude humor jokes...... something that will ammuse a 15 year old kid.... come on..... crude humor.... anyone got anything ?

2006-06-28 16:43:07 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want."

The first nun says, "" want-a to be Sophia Loren" and poof! she's gone.

The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and poof! she's gone.

The third says, "I want-a to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline was laid by 500 men in 7 days'!"

2006-06-28 16:42:36 · 4 answers · asked by i_am_the_gps 1

An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the
bus shakes, the old man cane slips on the floor and he falls.

As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby turns to him and
says, "Sir if you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick,
it wouldn't slip."

The old man snaps back, "Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven
years ago, I would have a seat today".

2006-06-28 16:39:01 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

i will find you,
i will take you to my bed,
and have my way with you,
you will moan and groan,
and beg me to stop,
i will leave you exhausted for days.

Sincerely,
The Flu

2006-06-28 16:28:18 · 10 answers · asked by moka29420 3

A Brunette,a Red head,and a Blonde all die and go to Heaven, and meet Saint Peter at the Golden Gate.
He tells them in order to enter through the gate they have to answer a question and if correct a bell will ring and they can enter.

To the Brunette he ask......"What was the fist place God created on Earth?" ........ She said Eden...........ding,ding,ding "You may enter"

Then he asked the Red head.."Who was the first human God created?"........She said Adam.........ding,ding,ding......."You may enter"

Then he asked the Blonde.."What did Eve say to Adam when she first seen him?".........There was a long pause as she thought very hard....."UM............" She looked at Saint Peter and said........"Damn that's a hard one"............ding,ding,ding

2006-06-28 16:20:24 · 13 answers · asked by snuggels102 6

1. whats your policy on servence pay?
2. how long does it take your company bureaucracy to get around to firing someone for poor performance?
3. does your companys lllife insurance cover suicide?
4. whos the ugly woman in that picture on your desk?
5. does your companys life insurance consider genital herpes a pre existing condition?
6. how many sick days do you allow each employee before you stop paying then for not being here?
7. does your insurance cover sex change operations?
8. does your LAN have a firewall that blocks triple x websites?
9 how frequently do your accountants audit petty cash?

2006-06-28 16:18:56 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Look, there's a naked man walking across the road.

(Stupid, I know...but it still cracks me up.)

2006-06-28 16:17:32 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two guys are sitting in a boat fishing and drinking beer when one suddenly says "I think I am going to divorce my wife--she hasn't spoken to me in over six months"

"You had better think that over," the other one says.."Women like that are hard to find."

2006-06-28 16:04:57 · 18 answers · asked by snuggels102 6

1 u lose arguments with inanimate objects
2 u have 2 hold onto the lawn 2 keep from falling off the earth
3 work starts nterfearing with ur drinking
4 ur doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohal system
5 the back of ur head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat
6 u sincerely blieve alchohal 2 b the elusive 5th food group
7 that damned pink elephant followed u home again
8 u blieve "2 hands and just 1 mouth.. thats a drinking problem"
9 u can focus better with 1 i closed
10 very women u c has an exact twin
11 u fall off the floor or up the stairs
12 u discover in the morning that your liquid ceaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared
13 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger so you skip dinner
14 beer: its not just for breakfast anymore
15 the glass keeps missing your mouth
16 you donte blood and they ask what proof it is
17 mosquitoes and vampires fly into walls after biting you
18 you believe your only drinking problem is not having a drink right now

2006-06-28 16:02:53 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was doing some experiments in the laboratory the other day.

I dipped a gazelle in some Nitric acid - it melted but nothing too exciting happened.

I sprinkled shrimps into Sulphur - they got burnt slightly, but it wasn't that spectacular.

I then dropped a Panda into some Ammonia - suddenly, there was pandemonium everywhere!

2006-06-28 15:48:45 · 17 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

No a spoon. Ha Ha Ha


Another one,

Repeat after me, Coast, Post, Roast, Most, Boast, Host, What do you put in the toaster?







No you put bread in the toaster. Ha ha ha ha.

2006-06-28 15:34:56 · 26 answers · asked by ticklefoot 4

Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card."
Johnny replied, "I don't have it."
"Why not?" His father asked.
"My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

2006-06-28 15:20:32 · 8 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.  

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are on the beach?"  

Needless to say, no one could answer. The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?"  

Again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two Ping-Pong balls and paints them black.  

The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question." Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the Ping-Pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.  

The teacher says, "Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"  

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby. See you on Tuesday!"  

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-06-28 15:19:58 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-28 15:13:00 · 7 answers · asked by KC 1

go rock climbing??? or learn to surf???

2006-06-28 15:09:21 · 16 answers · asked by ? 6

have your parents walk in on you having sex??? or walk in on your parents having sex???

2006-06-28 15:08:28 · 14 answers · asked by ? 6

ok people don't get upset. It's a blonde joke and I have 3kids(hubby included)who are blonde....and I can laugh at Doo Doo brown hair jokes too.......lol here goes hope you like

A Blonde woman was driving down the road just a knitting.
She was so into it that she was oblivious to all around her and ran thourgh stop signs and red lights.
People where honking their hornes and yelling at her as she passed them by, but she kept knitting along.
A cop came up behind her with his lights and sirens just a going and she just kept knitting.
Finally the cop pulled up along side her and yelled in his loud speaker.....Hey Pull Over
She smiled a sweet smile and said ......No Scarf

Have a good day-or night.......remember keep knitting.......I mean smilling

2006-06-28 15:08:04 · 13 answers · asked by snuggels102 6

spend the night enclosed in a coffin in your bedroom??? or be locked inside a funeral home for the night but free to wander???

2006-06-28 15:07:20 · 19 answers · asked by ? 6

always pick your nose immediately before shaking hands??? or constantly have one hand, including your wrist, down your pants???

2006-06-28 15:05:37 · 17 answers · asked by ? 6

have a small butt on your forehead??? or two little feet dangling beneath your chin???

2006-06-28 15:03:43 · 16 answers · asked by ? 6

jokes?

2006-06-28 14:54:17 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cardinal walks into a bar and a small elf is seated on the barstool. The bartender slides a sprite down to the elf.

The cardinal, being a pacifist, says to the elf, "What? are we all going to hollywood?"

The elf replies, "nope, I just finished skiing!"

2006-06-28 14:52:21 · 18 answers · asked by thebargainbush 1

one of my stoner friends is just a bit paranoid so he used several card bord boxes to build a " panic room " by sealing off a small portion of his bedroom then wallpapering the boxes. problem solved?

2006-06-28 14:48:47 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-28 14:47:34 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-28 14:34:15 · 9 answers · asked by ? 4

how many fingers does a dog have?

2006-06-28 14:27:48 · 13 answers · asked by Lucy P 1

Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed, Little Bo Peep was giving him he*d. When he came, she started to weep, for she discovered that he'd been banging her sheep.

2006-06-28 14:24:17 · 7 answers · asked by c.grinnell 3

walk to work or take you lunch??

2006-06-28 14:22:39 · 8 answers · asked by alliecatbaby 2

if you do please take a look at http://jokesrus.ds4a.com

2006-06-28 14:16:27 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous