Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

2006-06-28 23:18:06 · 6 answers · asked by gooseman 2

tell me your best rhyming riddle, please keep it clean.

2006-06-28 23:14:19 · 8 answers · asked by reddogcudda 3

You're in a metal box, containing only a mirror and a table. How would you escape?

2006-06-28 23:13:32 · 9 answers · asked by ? 2

2006-06-28 23:03:05 · 10 answers · asked by Ben 1

2006-06-28 22:55:38 · 21 answers · asked by katiebreen 2

If you check my last question, where I tried to present the same link, the first 4 people who visited appear to have left an important part of the insides of their heads somewhere.

Check this story:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060628/ap_on_re_us/indecent_exposure

If you didn't laugh, (having read the WHOLE story), then you can apply for a refund. Sorry to have ruined your day.

2006-06-28 22:40:56 · 41 answers · asked by codrock 6

????????????

2006-06-28 22:31:59 · 15 answers · asked by lailacre8 1

This case sounds like a lot of fun:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060628/ap_on_re_us/indecent_exposure

Don't be put off by the title. It involves the trial of a judge who was fond of "exercising" a certain muscle during other more boring court sessions.


"Thompson's former court reporter, Lisa Foster, testified that during a trial in 2002, she heard the pump during the emotional testimony of a murdered toddler's grandfather.

The grandfather "was getting real teary-eyed, and the judge was up there pumping on that pump," she said. "It was sickening."

2006-06-28 22:22:56 · 20 answers · asked by codrock 6

The human mind is superior to any computer (or machine) ever invented by humans. But did you try to count (without using any recording aid) two events at the same time - all in your mind ?
Like count your pulse while at the same time count the number of Toyotas that pass you by ?

2006-06-28 22:10:53 · 6 answers · asked by dont try 2

1) There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string. When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!"

"I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!"

The man agreed and went into his room. Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string.

The woman said, "You're going out as that?"

''Yes,'' said the old man. ''If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."


2)How do you know if the head chef is a clown?

When the food tastes funny.

3) How do you stop a Taliban tank?

Shoot the guy pushing it!

4) Yo mama's so nasty, she has to put ice down her pants to keep the crabs fresh.

5) What's red and furry and tackles people?

Tackle Me Elmo!

Read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-06-28 22:02:58 · 15 answers · asked by POWER-FULL 2

Bob: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Bob: Your name on this report card.


hehe yeah corny lol

2006-06-28 21:55:39 · 12 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Ok, well, I dunno about all that, but it took the best person I know in-person at riddles two days to figure this one. So: A woman is found dead in her bed in a room locked from the inside. There are no cuts, abrasians, bruises, or any exterior wounds on her body. No one else is in the room. When people break into the room, the only other thing in the room besides the dead woman and the bed is a pair of scissors. How did she die?

2006-06-28 21:43:05 · 17 answers · asked by Joga Bonito 4

someone posted a question about the funniest joke in the world and mentioned the aristcrat joke ive never neard this one

2006-06-28 21:38:09 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is a fun question! Guess?

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2006-06-28 21:22:38 · 10 answers · asked by a V a 4

Ugly people!

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his *** off.

Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again"

2006-06-28 21:03:09 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

AN IQ question so far nobody has guessed correctly!

>>Which animal has the longest nose in the world? And how about the animal having the 2nd longest nose in the wolrd?<<

2006-06-28 20:55:26 · 13 answers · asked by a V a 4

we need some funny pranks to do to the groom, however he's not the sort of person who is going to appreciate getting tied naked to a lamp post, and he is pretty big!

2006-06-28 20:50:13 · 25 answers · asked by tjclarkey 2

Just to prevent you from temptations by alcohol!!

NEW ISSUED ALCOHOL WARNINGS

The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter.

2006-06-28 20:45:06 · 12 answers · asked by soubassakis 6

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple''s house and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I really recommend it."

The other man said, "What''s the name of the restaurant?"

The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration and finally says to his companion, "Ah, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"

His friend replies, "A Carnation?"

"No. No. The other one," the man says.

His friend offers another suggestion, "The Poppy?"

"No," growls the man, "You know the one that is red and has thorns."

His friend says, "Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, yes that''s it," the first man says.

He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what''s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

2006-06-28 20:23:37 · 9 answers · asked by gogobanca 4

letters are

RBRLUDNEBEKLAEE

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

2006-06-28 20:21:54 · 16 answers · asked by john22usaf 1

plaster me with funny

2006-06-28 20:20:23 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Will you listen to my request?

2006-06-28 20:11:20 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-28 20:02:23 · 5 answers · asked by you_asked_for_it 1

2006-06-28 19:45:43 · 24 answers · asked by adib_r84 1

Fred and his wife, Nikita, were having a conversation about words while on a road trip.

Fred said, "I am thinking of a devilishly tricky word that has five consonants in a row."

Nikita countered with, "That's a good one, but people are lining up to find a word with five vowels in a row."

What words were Fred and Nikita thinking of?

2006-06-28 19:45:01 · 5 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a
girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother
couldn't help but notice how beautiful Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between Kumarand his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :


(continued below......)

2006-06-28 19:37:08 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-28 19:31:20 · 33 answers · asked by Midnight Dynamo 3

Last time we saw this riddle:

What is a billboard's native language?
A: Sign language!

Hahah... of course. Ok. Time for today's riddle:

What do you call a archer that is famous?

Have fun :)

2006-06-28 19:30:35 · 9 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Best question will get 2bucks, I mean 10 pts.

2006-06-28 19:26:53 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

and what ever he could find that would make the swim as deadly as possable. after the pool was built he thows a party and puts eveyone on the far side of the pool..
he says to the crowd (if anyone swims across this pool and lives. I will give u half of my money!) he looks at the crowd and no one moves. so he says ( ok, if anyone swins across this pool and lives i will give u half of my money and half of my estates!) to his suprize nobody moves...Well standing next to him his his daughter so he says ( ok ok. you will get all the money the estates and ill let u f*ck my daughter!) once again no on moves. So in dissapointment he turns around and starts to walk away when he hears. (splash ti tit ti ti tittittitit) he turns around and sees this guy crawl out of the watter. (OMG MAN U MADE IT!) Did u do it for the money? shakeing guy says no! did u do it for the estates? no! You wanted to f*uck my daughter? no! Well then what do u want? (I WANT THE MOTHERF*CKER THAT PUSHED ME!)

2006-06-28 19:23:16 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous