Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

2006-06-29 04:57:16 · 8 answers · asked by gloindarcroi 1

how a 7 year old explains sex
Body: little carson was 7 years old and like
other boys
his age rather curious. He had been
hearing quite
a bit
about 'making out' from the older boys,
and he
wondered what it was and how it was
done. One
day he took his question to his mother,
who
became rather flustered. Instead of
explaining
things to Carson, she told him to hide
behind the
curtains one night and watch his older
sister and
her boyfriend.

This he did.

The following morning, Carson described
EVERYTHING
to his mother.

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for
a while,
then he turned off most of the lights.
Then he
started kissing and hugging her. I
figured 'Sis
must be getting sick, because her face
started
looking funny. He must have thought so
too,
because he put his hand inside her
blouse to feel
her heart, just the way the doctor would.
Except
he's not as smart as the doctor because he
seemed to have trouble finding her heart.
I guess
he was getting sick too, because pretty
soon both
of them started panting and getting all
out of
breath. His other hand must have been
cold
because he put it under her skirt. About
this
time 'Sis got worse and began to moan
and sigh
and squirm around and slide down
toward the end
of the couch. This was when her fever
started. I
knew it was a fever, because Sis told him
she felt
really hot. Finally, I found out what was
making
them so sick-a big eel had gotten inside
his pants
somehow. It just jumped out of his pants
and
stood there, about 10 inches long,
honest, anyway
he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from
getting
away. When Sis saw it, she got really
scared-her
eyes got big, and her mouth fell open,
and she
started calling out to God and stuff like
that. She
said it was the biggest one she's ever
seen; I
should tell her about the ones down at
the lake by
our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and
tried to kill
the eel by biting its head off. All of a
sudden she
grabbed it with both hands and held it
tight while
he took a muzzle out of his pocket and
slipped it
over the eel's head to keep it from biting
again. Sis
lay back and spread her legs so she could
get a
scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying
on top of
the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight.
Sis started
groaning and squealing and her
boyfriend almost
upset the couch. I guess they wanted to
kill the
eel by squashing it between them. After a
while
they both quit moving and gave a great
sigh. Her
boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they
killed the
eel. I knew because it just hung there,
limp, and
some of its insides were hanging out. Sis
and her
boyfriend were a little tired from the
battle, but
they went back to courting anyway. He
started
hugging
and kissing her again. By golly, the eel
wasn't
dead! It jumped straight up and started to
fight
again. I guess eels are like cats- they
have nine
lives or something. This time, Sis jumped
up and
tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a
35
minute struggle, they finally killed the
eel. I
knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's
boyfriend
peel its
skin off and flush it down the toilet.

2006-06-29 04:52:47 · 15 answers · asked by xKati 2

2006-06-29 04:51:21 · 2 answers · asked by fakename 2

A BLONDE and a brunette are walking past a flower shop.

The brunette sees her boyfriend inside and says: "Oh no, my boyfriend is inside buying me flowers again."

The blonde asks: "Why is that so bad?"

The brunette says:"Every time he buys me flowers, he expects something in return and I don't feel like spending the entire weekend with my legs in the air."

The blonde asks:"Why, don't you have a vase?"

2006-06-29 04:41:39 · 7 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

There are 3 men in a boat.
They have 4 cigarettes but no matches or lighters.
How can they smoke?

2006-06-29 04:37:20 · 9 answers · asked by Rick C 2

Complete this Rodney Dangerfield Joke.
The funniest answer gets the 10 points.

2006-06-29 04:35:25 · 4 answers · asked by PsychoDad 2

A dragon and knight live on an island. This island has seven poisoned wells, numbered 1 to 7. If you drink from a well, you can only save yourself by drinking from a higher numbered well. Well 7 is located at the top of a high mountain, so only the dragon can reach it.

One day they decide that the island isn't big enough for the two of them, and they have a duel. Each of them brings a glass of water to the duel, they exchange glasses, and drink. After the duel, the knight lives and the dragon dies.

Why did the knight live? Why did the dragon die?

2006-06-29 04:35:22 · 4 answers · asked by Pumpkin 3

2006-06-29 04:33:01 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

once upon a time there was a a loving family that were faced with trying times. they were very poor and lived next to a very rich family. the poor man was working one day when he fell into a hole and cut his leg, his foot was stuck under ground and there was no one to help him, so his wound festered and rotted and he had his leg cut off. the family needed money to plant the grain for the next harvest , jobs were few, but his neighbor had money all the father had to do was ask for a loan. but he had pride and was ashamed that he would have to beg.
his wife beeged him to let her go, she had seen the rich man gazing at her with longing eyes
but his son intervened, no father if I go i will sweep the daughter off her feet with my humble charm and inherit all their wealth
and his daughter said no father i will go I can easily be employed you know i'm good for hard work
now the father made his choise. and he gave them his reason who was it?

2006-06-29 04:28:17 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

The birth of a candybar...One payday, mr goodbar wanted a bit o honey so he took Miss hershey's behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and 5th Avenue. He began to feel her mounds with his butterfinger, that was pure Almond joy.it made her tootsie roll and he let out a snickers as she screamed OH Henry! While squeazing his PeterPaul she said' you are even better then the 3 musketeers. Soon she was a bit Chunky. The result came 9 months later with sweet Baby Ruth!...So, what do you think? Do you have one like it? Tell me...funniest one gets 10 points for best answer. Good luck!

2006-06-29 04:27:15 · 8 answers · asked by Southern Girl/ deal with it! 3

2006-06-29 04:15:22 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you were a person trying to get across the border and the person at the border said....

TO GET ACROSS THE BORDER YOU NEED TO GIVE ME A SENTENCE THAT HAS GREEN PINK AND YELLOW IN IT. WHAT WOULD YOU SAY???

2006-06-29 04:04:51 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"

She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

2006-06-29 03:59:24 · 16 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

This is a riddle.Can you guess?(if no one knows the answer by tomorrow i'll give it to you.) :)

2006-06-29 03:47:14 · 13 answers · asked by wishinonsomestar 1

2 men are fighting over a cow,
one is pushing the cow and the other is pulling,
suddenly the cow trips and falls and breaks all his top teeth
which man is responsible for breaking his upper teeth?

I will answer this in 24 hours...1st person to get this right will get 10 points!!!

2006-06-29 03:44:43 · 18 answers · asked by Miss Terious 3

The premise behind Magic Mountain is you run, jump off a cliff, yell out what you've always wanted to be, and you'll turn into it.
Three guys visit Magic Mountain. The 1st guy runs and jumps off the cliff. "BATMAN!!!" ***POOF!*** He turns into Batman, lands in the Batmobile and drives away.
The 2nd guy runs and jumps off the cliff. "SUPERMAN!!!" ***POOF!*** He turns into Superman and flies off.
The 3rd guy starts running, but he trips. "S**T!"

2006-06-29 03:42:52 · 8 answers · asked by all things mystical 3

heres your chance to ern 12 points! just help out the chicken get acrossed the road! But how???????

2006-06-29 03:42:27 · 16 answers · asked by nicole 1

2006-06-29 03:40:54 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

greater than God
more evil than the devil
rich people want it
poor people have it
and if you eat it you'll die

2006-06-29 03:34:22 · 9 answers · asked by wasamandalwayswillbe 1

There are three words in the English language that end in "gry". ONE is angry and the other is hungry. EveryONE knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for. EveryONE uses them everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I've given you the third word. What is it? __gry?

2006-06-29 03:28:44 · 24 answers · asked by High on Life!!! 4

You have 15 seconds to do this...
say silk aloud 10 times....
and now...
tell me...
what do cows drink?

YOU CANNOT CHANGE UR FIRST ANSWER...and dont lie lol

2006-06-29 03:27:06 · 18 answers · asked by Miss Terious 3

2006-06-29 03:25:54 · 23 answers · asked by Malia A 1

Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."

2006-06-29 03:25:13 · 11 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

Can you solve this riddle?

Bottle=

Aqua=

Dasani=

2006-06-29 03:21:50 · 31 answers · asked by Jeremy 6

The coroner had called upon Bubba's two friends to come identify his burned body. He told them he knew of no one else to call since they were bubba's best friends and were inseparable.

At first they weren't able to tell because the body was burned beyond recognition. Then they remembered that Bubba had a very distinguishing appendage. They asked the coroner to turn him over. They looked at his backside and were relieved. "Well, Doc, this isn't Bubba, cause everyone knew Bubba had 2 asses."
"What do mean he had to 2 asses?"

"Well everytime we went out, everyone said, there comes Bubba and his 2 asses."

2006-06-29 03:18:24 · 21 answers · asked by xxxx 2

2006-06-29 03:17:15 · 7 answers · asked by badmamajumba 1

Leonard Nimoy can only mate once every seven years.

2006-06-29 02:59:32 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Signs you've been playing HALO (for XBOX) too long.

-You call your friends by their character name instead of their real
name.

-You can't remember your friends' real names.

-You believe that the Earth is one huge ring instead of a ball.

-You cansantly attempt to pistol-whip people.

-You begin to wonder where the needler and rocket launcher are on
campus.

-You refer to your car as a warthog.

-You attempt to mount a gatling gun onto the back of your car

2006-06-29 02:57:59 · 3 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

Morgan Freeman once rode into New York, wearing only a smile and a pair of socks, shouting to the populace 'I am the lizard king' whilst juggling with week old puppies.

2006-06-29 02:57:01 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A wedding cake.

2006-06-29 02:55:45 · 16 answers · asked by Les-Paul 3