Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

A woman shoots her husband.
Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.
Finally, she hangs him.
But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?


good luck

2006-06-29 08:00:02 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of
mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit
of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing
the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for
tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the
class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the
coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her
and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "And as I have more
time left, I'm rechecking my answers."

2006-06-29 07:41:17 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "need", then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw".
The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate.

The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, "What the heck is wrong with you! Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!"

The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, "I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming."

2006-06-29 07:37:27 · 10 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

2006-06-29 07:34:16 · 10 answers · asked by ♥blah♥ 3

Write me a funny joke and I will rate the one that made me laugh out loud! :)

2006-06-29 07:13:56 · 12 answers · asked by mermaideelou 2

Who or what
Is or are
Ginette and Jiseppe
They are not green
They are blue
But they are not colors
What are they?

2006-06-29 07:07:31 · 44 answers · asked by agalicktourq 4

2006-06-29 07:07:18 · 30 answers · asked by leslie c 4

2006-06-29 06:46:18 · 19 answers · asked by skippol 2

2006-06-29 06:39:38 · 21 answers · asked by CreeruMic 2

EXAMPLE: if every hair on our head is numbered, what about bald people?!

just random everyday questions that make no sense!
10 points to the most random/funniest one!

2006-06-29 06:39:03 · 15 answers · asked by honni~graham 2

This is funny! A little light humor -- good for the soul!! (lol)

Pick the month you were born in:
January--I kicked
February--I loved
March--I did the macarena with
April--I played with
May--I choked on
June--I murdered
July--I sang to
August--I had lunch with
September--I danced with
October--I smoked
November--I yelled at
December--I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------a paperclip
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a gangster
6-------an immigrant
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11-------an ipod
12-------a banana
13-------Chuck Norris
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19-------myself
20-------a football player
21-------a ninja
22-------a fireman
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a baseball bat
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------my science teacher

2006-06-29 06:38:20 · 36 answers · asked by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7

old lady, wearing a dress, with glasses, and saggy boobs, mad at the world!!!!!

2006-06-29 06:33:38 · 7 answers · asked by karladptech 1

I need any kind of jokes you have,yo mama jokes,blond jokes, ANYTHING!!

2006-06-29 06:30:58 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

IM BROWN AND TALL, HAVE SPICKY THINGS ON TOP AND HAVE BALLS HANGING DOWN...WHAT AM I?

2006-06-29 06:13:43 · 14 answers · asked by no one knows 1

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

2006-06-29 06:10:35 · 20 answers · asked by xKati 2

I got an e-mail from a friend that is really cool and I want to know if anyone can figure out how its done. The website is http://www.milaadesign.com/wizardy.html then follow the instructions.

2006-06-29 06:04:16 · 13 answers · asked by twingal01 4

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers." she said.

"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

2006-06-29 06:02:08 · 6 answers · asked by xKati 2

the farmer tied him up so he couldnt excape the tree. there was no hay around anywhere yet the cow was never hungary and nobody fed it

2006-06-29 06:00:32 · 8 answers · asked by internet_mack 2

2006-06-29 05:56:14 · 4 answers · asked by police 6

Q: What did the blonde customer say after reading the buxom waitress' nametag?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?''

2006-06-29 05:53:59 · 9 answers · asked by xKati 2

2006-06-29 05:49:47 · 17 answers · asked by Evil J.Twin 6

2006-06-29 05:44:57 · 12 answers · asked by Beauty and Brains 2

Sue Sugar had a toothache. She went to the only dentist office in town where she was greeted by Dr. Molar and Dr. Bicuspid, the partners. She noticed that whereas Dr. Molar had a wonderful set of teeth, his partner's teeth seemed in urgent need of attention.

With which partner should she book her appointment and why?

2006-06-29 05:41:23 · 13 answers · asked by j o s 4

i've never seen a guy so full of himself. check out his questions.. some of them included

"why am i the epitome of manliness?"
"why do so many ladies love to presss up against my toned, muscular body?"
"is it normal to feel horny just by thinking about yourself?"

it's friggin hilarious!!! funny i should share it in the jokes and riddles section

http://answers.yahoo.com/my/profile;_ylt=AmYuGQjtOArBiwJfg9WWFNLsy6IX?show=3aa47314e3f02c00278f38bf36359ff3aa&link=question&more=y

2006-06-29 05:38:56 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

If a plane is travelling from U.S to canada, and crashes right on the border line... Where will the survivors be burried?

2006-06-29 05:30:39 · 16 answers · asked by AfroSistah 2

just a riddle... cheers!

2006-06-29 05:21:50 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-29 05:17:10 · 50 answers · asked by Mash 6

Willys cynical thought for the day;

People should learn to laugh at themselves, why let everybody else have all the fun?

To prove that I'm not a hypocrite, here is my latest. I guess most people getting these jokes know I've been wearing an Insulin pump since 2002, I've been diabetic since 1974! Well, May 14th at around 5 pm I was in St. Johns Hospital Emergency Room for insulin shock. As a nurse, Margaret I believe but don't quote me at around 11, was signing me out I finished, in my mind I been writting it a while, this joke. I told it to her and just about everybody in the ER and the Security Guards at the front of the hospital, they all said, it's a good one! Here it is;

I was taking a Metro-North train home, and the cars were crowded, a young girl -- late twenties gets on and sits by my left side. She notices my computing device hanging from my left pocket, and asks me what that is? I say, "my insulin pump." She gets very turned on and we spend the trip sloppy-kissing. In Yonkers, a city a few stops before my town, she invites me up to her place. I accept and we're soon butt naked all over her bed. I'm just about to slide my meat into her when she asks, "So when you gonna turn the god-damned pump on?"

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-06-29 05:10:52 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once upon a time I went to the ---------- and played with my ---------. After this, i felt very -------- because my ---------- seemed ----------. Later that day, my --------- said it was because my ---------- was -------- so i decided to --------- for a while to make is all better. i felt extremely --------so i went ---------.

10 points for the best one!

2006-06-29 05:00:52 · 21 answers · asked by Miss Terious 3

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer (also a blonde). The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

2006-06-29 05:00:23 · 14 answers · asked by simply_boring 4