Anybuddy know a funny joke?

Question

Write me a funny joke and I will rate the one that made me laugh out loud! :)

Answer 1

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not there 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars." He says, "All I got is thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?" "A hand job".

She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE penis. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"

Answer 2

A couple attending an art exhibition at the local art gallery are looking at a painting/portrait that had them totally confused. The painting showed three black men, totally naked, standing on a park bench. Two of the black men had black penises, one of the men, the one in the middle, had a pink penis.
The curator of the art gallery realized the confused couple were having trouble interpruting the painting and offered his assessment of the painting. He went on and on for about half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emmasculation of African-Americans in a predominantly white, patriarcal society. In fact, he pointed out, some SERIOUS critics believe that the pink penis reflects the cultural and social oppression expressed by gay men in a contemporary society.
After the curator left, a Scottsman approached the couple and asked if they really wanted to know what the painting was truly about... The couple asked.. "How would you claim to know more about that painting than the curator of the gallery...?"
"Because I'm the guy who painted it...." he replied. "In fact, there's no African-American representation in the painting at all. They're just three Scottish coal-minors and the guy in the middle went home for lunch!"

Hope that makes you laugh!

Answer 3

whats the difference between michael jackson and a grocery bag?

1 is made of plastic and is dangerous 4 kids 2 play with and the other 1 is used 2 carry groceries

Answer 4

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some ******’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more ******’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the ******’ French toast."

Answer 5

I just bought a new car stereo that's voice activated. When I say "R&B," it plays R&B music! When I say "Jazz," it plays jazz! Some kids ran across the street while I was driving, and I was like "F*cking Kids!!" and it started playing Michael Jackson...

Answer 6

billy bob and bob where going on a hike in the mountains. all of a sudden billy bob falls to the ground. bob calls 911 on his cell phone and tells the operator " i think my friend is dead" the operator says "first make sure he is really dead" then the operator hears a loud noise. bob says " o.k. now what".

Answer 7

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says "Would you like a beer?" Rene replies "I think not" and dissappears

Answer 8

What do you call a fella with no arms and no legs being thrown off a truck?





Chuck.

Answer 9

well its not a joke but one time at lunch in my school some guy walked up to the vending machine and he lol........had ketchup on his butt LOL we were like laughing so hard lol

Answer 10

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

Dip it in gasoline, throw on a lit match and.......(say it out loud)

WOOF!