who can tell the best joke?

Question

plaster me with funny

Answer 1

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for "special occasions" (her second mistake).
Now fast forward a few months...it's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!
My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!"

Answer 2

Bholaji decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Pyarelal came home.

Pyarelal: Bholaji How is your MBA preparation?
Bholaji: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.

Pyarelal: Logic is very easy.
Bholaji: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.

Pyarelal: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Bholaji: YES.

Pyarelal: Logically, there will be water in it.
Bholaji: YES.

Pyarelal: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Bholaji: YES.

Pyarelal: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Bholaji: YES.

Pyarelal: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Bholaji: YES.

Pyarelal: so, logically, your are married.
Bholaji: YES.

Pyarelal: So, that means U are a heterosexual.

Bholaji was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Herolal and he was also preparing for MBA.

Bholaji: How is your MBA preparation?
Herolal: Everything is fine except for the logic.

Bholaji: Oh, logic is easy.
Herolal: Please, give me an example.

Bholaji: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Herolal: NO, I don't.

Bholaji: You f***ing HOMO!!!

Answer 3

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely she is, after all, over 80 years of age, but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.

The pharmacist fainted !!!

Answer 4

Billy Connely

Answer 5

OK! Everyone knows the 'OUR GANG KIDS' right? You know "THE LITTLE RASCAL'S? Okay, it's school time and it's that time of year for tests. And enorder to pass to the next grade they must spell the word dictate and then use it in a sentence . So one by one they get up in front of the class and they spell the word dictate and they use it in a sentence, the teacher is very proud of them all, and passes them to to the next grade level. But realizes 'Buckwheat' had not spelled the word dictate nor used it in a sentence yet. So the Teacher calls 'Buckwheat' up to the front of the class and asks him to spell the word dictate and to use the word in a sentence so he gets up there in front of the class and he spells the word dictate and the teacher tells him, very good 'Buckwheat' now use it in a sentence, so he says; Alfalpha say my 'dic-tate' good!

Answer 6

this billionaire builds this swimming pool full of snakes and croc's, and what ever he could find that would make the swim as deadly as possable. after the pool was built he thows a party and puts eveyone on the far side of the pool..he says to the crowd (if anyone swims across this pool and lives. I will give u half of my money!) he looks at the crowd and no one moves. so he says ( ok, if anyone swins across this pool and lives i will give u half of my money and half of my estates!) to his suprize nobody moves...Well standing next to him his his daughter so he says ( ok ok. you will get all the money the estates and ill let u f*ck my daughter!) once again no on moves. So in dissapointment he turns around and starts to walk away when he hears. (splash ti tit ti ti tittittitit) he turns around and sees this guy crawl out of the watter. (OMG MAN U MADE IT!) Did u do it for the money? shakeing guy says no! did u do it for the estates? no! You wanted to f*uck my daughter? no! Well then what do u want? (I WANT THE MOTHERF*CKER THAT PUSHED ME!)

Answer 7

Read this sardar joke who does foolish things.
What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra sheet? He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.

Answer 8

Two condoms are standing outside a gay bar, one looks at the other and says, "Well, whatta ya think, should we go in and get shi*faced?"

Answer 9

Two cannibals were eating a clown.Then one of them asked: "Does something tastes funny to you?"

Answer 10

You sun of beach, did you know that a penis can't be larger than a baby's head?