wright down the best jokes you got?

Question

make them funny as can be:)

Answer 1

Bill Clinton: I did not have any sexual relations with that woman!

Answer 2

Your spelling is all the joke that anyone needs for a good laugh.

Do you have a wleft and a wright arm??

Maybe it was the Wleft Brothers that made the airplane?

Answer 3

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is
baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.
"Mom, look, I'm a white boy." His mom slaps him in the face and says "Go
show your father".
He goes to his dad in the living room and says "Look dad, I'm a
white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says "Go show your
grandmother."

The boy goes in his grandmothers room and says "Mira, abuelita,
I'm a white boy. His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him
back to his mother.
His mother says "See, did you learn anything from that?"
To which the boy replies, "Sure did. I have only been white for
five minutes and I already don't like you Mexicans."

and

A southern couple, both bonified rednecks, had 9 children They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed."

The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally caused them make the decision--why after 9 children, would they choose to finally do this.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican, and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish

Answer 4

A little boy goes to visit his grandparents. He walks into the living room where his grandfather is watching a ball game and drinking a beer. He asks, "hey grandpa, can I have a drink of beer?" The grandfather asks, "can you touch your a** with your d***?" The little boy tells him "no." "Then you're not old enough to drink a beer. Now go outside and play."

Pretty soon the little boy goes back into the living room and grandpa is now smoking a cigar. He asks, "hey grandpa, can I have a puff of that cigar?" The grandfather asks, "can you touch your a** with your d***?" The little boy tells him "no." "Then you're not old enough to smoke a cigar. Now go outside and play."

In anticipation of the little boy's visit, his grandmother had baked him a batch of chocolate chip cookies. He was in the kitchen eating cookies with a glass of milk when his grandpa walked in.
Grandpa says, "those cookies look pretty good. Can I have one?" The little boy says, "can you touch your a** with your d***?" The grandpa smiles and proudly says, "yes I can." The little boy says, "well, then go f*** yourself, 'cause Grandma made these cookies for me!"

Answer 5

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?

A: I Might not get hard I just got laid last night!

Answer 6

wright? u mean right... its a lot easier without the w

Answer 7

a boy took his girlfriend to her first football game.Unfortunately thee girl was a blond.
After the game was over the girl said, "I don't get the game." "What don't you get"thee boy said well they flip th coin one team gets it and then the rest of the game the crowd is yelling,GET THE QUARTER BACK GET THE QUARTER BACK.I mean its only 25cents.

Answer 8

The up side of Alzheimer's, you make new friends every day!

Answer 9

Q: Why does a black man cry during sex? A: The mace!

Answer 10

A Jamaican man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he
passes a
little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using
numbers,
represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Jamaican says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds
to draw
three trees.
What's this?" the boss asks
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the
Jamaican.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use
the same
rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Jamaican stares into space for a while, then picks up the
picture that
he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
>>The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that
represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty
tree, and
dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to
hire this
Jamaican, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again,
but
represent the number 100."
The Jamaican stares into space some more, then he picks up the
picture again
and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you
go. One
hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that
represents a hundred!"
The Jamaican leans forward and points to the marks at the base of
each tree
and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now
you got
dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a
turd,
which makes one hundred."
"So, when I start?"
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Spaghetti
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy,
he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
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The Good Napkins

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for "special occasions."

Now fast forward a few months .... It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tails in so they didn't hang off the edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.

"But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!"
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Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.


When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"


So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.


Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.


St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"


The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.


The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.


She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on . very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.




St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.



The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"