Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

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Jokes & Funstuff
Thread:- Haircuts Report Thread

Posted by:- Rainbow Send PM ID:- 6581 22/05/2006 12:20:10

Haircuts
The Difference Between Men and Women


Women's Version:

Woman 2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman 1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I
mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman 2: Oh Gosh no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like
that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this
stuff,
I'm afraid.

Woman 1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could
easily get one of those layer cuts--that would look so cute I think. I was
actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long
neck.

2006-06-28 01:29:52 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the
table, and he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating
my porridge?"
he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big
chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating
my porridge?!?" he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from
the kitchen and
yells, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go
through this
with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who
woke everyone in the house.
It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last
night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning
air to fetch the newspaper and croissants.
It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
It was Mummy Bear who put the bloody cats out, cleaned the
litter boxes,
gave the cats their food, and refilled their water.

2006-06-28 01:12:29 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-28 00:29:16 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-28 00:21:58 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

give it a try

2006-06-28 00:21:12 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

This panda walks into a bar. He sits down at a
table. A waiter comes, and the panda orders his
food, and eats it. Then, he pulls out a gun and
blows the brains out of the waiter. Then he gets
up and is about to leave when the bartender
yells, "Hey, you just shot my waiter! Where do
you think you're going?" And the panda says, "I'm
a panda! Look it up!" So the bartender looks up
"panda" in the dictionary. It reads: "Fur-bearing
mammal, lives in Australia.
EATS CHUTES AND LEAVES."

2006-06-27 23:59:31 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I say > If you don't like it, keep your mother off the streets!!!

2006-06-27 23:28:52 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-27 23:07:11 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Englishman Irishmanand Scotsman shipwrecked on an island with
only male natives.After a month they ask the head honcho what
they did for female relief.The chief told them they had an inflatable
doll of Pamela Anderson and they could hire it for an amount of
coconuts.So they pay him and English wins the draw and goes
first.30 minutes later he emerges all praising the beniefits.Next goes Jock 30 minutes later emerges praising.Next goes Paddy
who emerges 30 seconds later.The other 2 asking what's wrong
are told.Nothing.Iwas getting on fine says Paddy but i gave her a love bite and she flew out the window.

2006-06-27 23:06:03 · 10 answers · asked by Butt 6

A married woman had a terrible fear from many vegetables, such as carrots. So basically she could not cook any vegetable plate for her husband.
She heard about a special doctor known for his abilities in the field. She went to him and told him the whole story. After hearing her he told her what to do and went home.
When her husband arrived home, he found a nice plate of home-made vegetable soup.He asked her what was whis about and she told him that the doc told her to go in front of the mirror and say reapetedly "I am not afraid of vegetables!"
After hearing this, her husband thought this may cure my sexual problems I have been having recently. So he went to this doc, told him about it, and did as was instructed.
As he arrived home,he ordered his wife to go to bed and prepare herself. They made love for three times when the husband was preparing in front of the mirror for the fourth, the wife came in curious what he was saying and heard him:"She is not my wife! She is not my wife!"

2006-06-27 23:00:41 · 30 answers · asked by Nerazzurro 1

can u get me a very funny joke ?

2006-06-27 22:51:14 · 14 answers · asked by Jaetty 2

A young boy went to his mother one day- "Mum how come dad has got 2 winkies?"
The mother replied, "Of course he hasn't he's only got the one"
The son says, " No he's got a small one he wees with and a big one he cleans the maids teeth with!"

2006-06-27 22:47:54 · 19 answers · asked by Tavish 2

A boy who is lost in a large SuperMall approaches a policeman and says, "I've lost my dad". The policeman replies, Whats he like. The little boy says "Beer and Big ****"

2006-06-27 22:15:02 · 9 answers · asked by blondiegirl19813 1

2006-06-27 21:34:42 · 20 answers · asked by TOO HOT 4

Q: When do doctors get angry?

A: When they run out of patients!

Q: What do garbagemen eat?

A: Junk food!

Q: How did Ben Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?

A: Shocked!

Q: Where did the spaghetti go to dance?

A: The meat ball!

Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym?

A: To get better buns!
Q: What do trees drink?

A: Root beer!

Some Yo Moma Jokes!

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl!

Sorry I'll be back to put more jokes!
Peace Out!!
Leana

2006-06-27 21:30:36 · 11 answers · asked by Leana 1

http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html/jingle_bells_reversed.shtml

What do you think the message was?

2006-06-27 21:27:57 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is broken once u say its name ???

2006-06-27 21:16:52 · 16 answers · asked by lailacre8 1

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely she is, after all, over 80 years of age, but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.

The pharmacist fainted !!!

2006-06-27 21:13:25 · 17 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

OK, it's safe in here, no-one's watching.










I shouldn't have to do this, but I know that it's probably for the best....

For those of you who are still wondering what's supposed to be funny about this and require a more instantaneous gratification, this ought to do the trick:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtjgTzplg85nVkg_6QXQviDsy6IX?qid=1006052313368

It won't have you splitting your sides in hysterics, but perhaps a slight chortle?

2006-06-27 21:11:50 · 16 answers · asked by codrock 6

2006-06-27 21:07:37 · 10 answers · asked by nil d 3

now here is another joke who robs hoods??

2006-06-27 21:05:57 · 5 answers · asked by infinitymanhood 1

2006-06-27 20:58:02 · 4 answers · asked by chandrashekhar2576 1

A B!
C D E D B D DUCKS?
M R DUCKS!
O S A R!
C D E D B D WINGS?
I L B! M R DUCKS!

2006-06-27 20:55:05 · 3 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"

Again, the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says: "You."

2006-06-27 20:48:07 · 13 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-06-27 20:46:10 · 21 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

what is a partly green thing in the ocean?

2006-06-27 20:32:18 · 14 answers · asked by infinitymanhood 1

1) Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80 round clip. If misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he can reload?

2) Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang did Hector knock up?

2006-06-27 20:30:59 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lot, so your answer could be right!

2006-06-27 20:20:12 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am an evil guy. One day I sat under a tree and suddenly thought of something to write in a book. Then because of that, people say I am a phrophet.

2006-06-27 19:56:11 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-27 19:55:04 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous