Jokes & Riddles - June 2007

A blonde is rowing a canoe in a cornfield by a country road, and another blonde comes up in a truck and says "You know what, it's blondes like you who gives us blondes a bad name. If i could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ***."

2007-06-05 17:04:21 · 9 answers · asked by ? 3

The blonde and the Indian:

A blonde girl is driving through the West. Her car runs out of gas and an Indian comes along on a horse and gives her a ride to a gas station.
Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk.

Finally, he drops her off with a final "Yaaaaa-Hooo!," and gallops off.

"My god!" says the gas station guy, "What the hell were you doing to that Injun to make him holler like that?"

"Why, nothing," says the blonde, "I just sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn."

"Lady," says the guy, "Indians don't use saddles."


Blonde and Seagull:

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde.

The brunette says in a disgusted voice, "Hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I'll go get some toilet paper."

After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh.
The redhead says, "What's so funny?"

The blonde says, "Well, blondes are supposed to be so dumb and look at her. By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!"

2007-06-05 17:00:02 · 16 answers · asked by Ashley 07 2

So there are two doors. One leads to fame and fortune. The other leads to certain death. YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH IS WHICH!! Both doors are gaurded by gaurd people. One of them always lies. The other always tells the truth. YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH LIES AND WHICH IS TRUTHFUL!!! If you were only allowed to ask ONE gaurd ONE question on which door lead to fame and fortune, what would you ask?

2007-06-05 16:53:35 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you have a square pool with trees at each corner, and you want to add to your pool, what would you do to make it square (w/o doing anything to the trees)?

2007-06-05 15:09:18 · 24 answers · asked by *~*Every Rose Has Its Thorns*~* 1

Have your little sister follow u around and mess with u when your on a date with girlfriend that gets on her nerves all the time because u live with her?Well to bad for u because I get to go out and have fun with my friends while you stuck their doing your thang and babysitting.I am soooooooooooooooooooooo glad that my mom did not have another child.

2007-06-05 14:51:39 · 14 answers · asked by kikihotstuff4ever 1

funniest answer get best answer

2007-06-05 14:09:27 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

This Scottish Sargeant Major walks into a drug store. He is outfitted in total military garb - the tall furry hat, the kilts, the little purse, the knee-high boots, the dagger in the boot, and a huge full grey beard.
He walks up to the counter and opens the little purse. He reaches in and pulls out the most beaten-up, dilapidated, old condem you've ever seen. He carefully lays it on the counter and asks the cashier in the harshest Scottish accent, "How much to have this repairrred?"
The cashier carefully scoops it up and takes it into the back room, and comes back 5 minutes later. He says, "50 cents to have it repaired, 75 cents for a new one."
The Major puts it back into his purse and announces, "I'll be back tomorrow."
The next day he comes back as promised, lays the condem on the counter, and states, "The Regiment wants it repairrrred, as soon as possible."

2007-06-05 13:46:22 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

This blonds goes to a hardware store to buy a chainsaw. The store-owner sells one that he guarantees will cut down 50 trees a day.
So the blonde takes the saw and goes to clear some land.
The next day the blonds comes back and complains it would only cut down 6 trees in one day.
The hardwareman takes the saw and says, "Well, maybe there is something wrong with it?" So he fires it up....
Then the blonde asks, "What's that noise?"

2007-06-05 13:36:49 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

This guy was applying for a job as a lumberjack. The foreman asked what kind of experience he had.
He said, "Well, I worked in the Sahara Forest for a few years."
The foreman says, "Oh, you mean the Sahara Desert?"
The guy says, "Oh, Yeah, well now that's what they call it."

2007-06-05 13:31:06 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the end
Of the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they
Had put in the ground. "Fifteen" was the answer.
"Not bad, not bad at all," the foreman said.

Turning to the blonde crew he asked how many they had put in. "Four" was
The answer.

"Four?" the foreman yelled. "The others did fifteen, and you only did four?"

"Yes," replied the leader of the blonde group, "But go look at how much they
Left sticking out of the ground."

2007-06-05 13:15:26 · 15 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Could you please tell me a funny caption for this picture.

Thank you for your help.

2007-06-05 12:56:07 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet.

Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year... namely, "that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo"? (I told him).
"It's been a year"!
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up....He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me.

Bet he won't underestimate a blonde anymore

2007-06-05 12:50:36 · 11 answers · asked by mizwiz 2

wearing nothing but saran wrap. the psychiatrist looks at him and says, "I can clearly see ur nuts".

A guy walks into his doctors office and says, " Doctor, my penis is orange' The doctor looks at him and says "well what have u been doing"? He says " Nothing, jus watching pornos and eating cheetos".

A guy walks into his Doctors office and says " Doctor my eyes burn every time i have sex". The doctor says " Dont worry my son, thats just from all the pepper spray".

A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender looks up and says " Wow, thats cool where did you get that from"? The parrot says " Africa, theres thousands of them". =)
SORRY NO DISRESPECT MEANT!!!!!

2007-06-05 12:33:28 · 10 answers · asked by Li'l Devil 3

A young Italian girl was going on a date.

Her Nonna said: "Sita here ana letame tella you about those-a younga boys

He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don't let him do that. He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likea dat too, but don'ta let him do that.

But most important, he's agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna likea dat, but don'ta let him do that. Doing thata willa disgraca the family."

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted:

"Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!"

2007-06-05 12:17:21 · 29 answers · asked by Angela G 4

It's a blonde joke it kinda came from another one but whatever.

There's 2 blondes one of them has a granade and throws it to the other one. The second blonde thinking she outsmarted the first one said: "You forgot to pull the pin out *****!!" So she pulls out the pin and throws it to the first blonde but her being blonde and all kept the granade and threw the pin.

No offense to blondes i just find these kind of jokes funny. I made it up star if you like it!

2007-06-05 12:06:34 · 11 answers · asked by ♥{puεrtoяicaи. аиgεl}♥ 5

2007-06-05 12:05:38 · 8 answers · asked by Michael Soukup 1

2007-06-05 12:04:46 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

and says bartender, "buy urself and everyone in here a shot". So the bartender says ok. After everyone is done doing their shot the bartender gives him his tab. The guy says, "i cant pay for that". The bartender gets pissed off and grabs him and throws him outta the bar. The next night the same guy comes back in. He says bartender "buy urself and everyone in here a shot". So the bartender thinking that he would never come in twice with no money makes all the drinks. When they are all done with their shots the bartender gives him his tab again. The guy says "i cant pat for that". The bartender gets pissed again, this time taking the guy outside and beating him up. The next night the same guy comes back in again. He goes up to the bartender and says " bartender buy everyone in here a drink". The bartender loooks at him and says" What, you not gonna buy me a drink"? The guy says "nope, you get violent when you drink". =)

2007-06-05 12:04:28 · 6 answers · asked by Li'l Devil 3

2007-06-05 11:37:48 · 15 answers · asked by halo_freak_of_heaven 2

it starts to rain very heavily. By the time he gets home the man s clothes are sopping wet but noy a hair on his head is wet. He wasn,t carrying an umbrella nor wearing a hat-how come?

2007-06-05 11:30:03 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

This guy goes to visit his grandmother in the hospital, but when he gets there she is asleep. He is hungry but not wanting to miss her he decides to eat a bowl of peanuts sitting on his grandmothers night stand. About the time he finishes the bowl of peanuts his grandmother wakes up.

The man apologizes to his grandmother for eating her peanuts. Hi! Grandma he says, I'm sorry I was hungry and I ate all your peanuts.

Granny replies,

Oh! sunny that's okay I already sucked all the chocolate off em!

2007-06-05 11:29:13 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-06-05 11:27:59 · 4 answers · asked by maggie 3

A guy was walking down a beach one day when he came across the genie lamp. He rubbed three times and a genie came out and said i will grant you three wishes. But remember what ever you get you mother in law get twice as much.\\

So the guy sat there and thought for a while and said i would like a million dollars. The genie replied remember you mother in law will get 2 million dollars. the guy said "okay"

After a little while of thinking he said i would like a red corvette the genie replied again you mother in law will have two red corvettes the guy said that fine.

the guy sat there for about 5 mins and finally said" the hell with it beat me half to death."

2007-06-05 11:20:15 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

good game after a few drinks. try it

2007-06-05 11:18:30 · 47 answers · asked by kendal 4

...Ugly child at door, "I,m Tommy Modo, I,m just letting you know that our Quasi won,t be in today".

2007-06-05 11:14:03 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

so there are three girls, red head, brunette, and blonde. They all comitted crimes and wre running from the cops. they see 3 alleys in fromt of them and decide to hide in them. The brunette hides in the first alley with a bunch of cats. The red head hides in an alley with a bunch of dogs. And the blonde hides in an alley with a bunch of potatoes.

The cops find the alleys and go through each one. The first alley they arive to one cop asks "hello? is any body there" and the brunette reply's "meow meow". The cops decided it was just a bunch of cats.

then they went to the second alley and asked the same question. the red head replied "bark bark" the cops decided it was just a bunch of dogs.

Finally they come to the third alley where the blonde is hiding. They ask the same question and the blonde replies "potatoe potatoe' A STAR IF YOU LIKE

2007-06-05 11:11:47 · 11 answers · asked by nickjalways 3

2007-06-05 11:10:10 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

If he's got a Quarter pounder .......he's a Macdonald

2007-06-05 11:09:06 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok well once there was a blonde a little low on money so she decided to Hire herself out for some handy work. So the next day she walked to a rich neighbor hood and went up to a house. When the man answered she said"do you need and jobs done My rate is 50 dollars " he replied Yes Yes I do I need this porch painted The supplies our in the shed So she set to work! Then the mans wife asked do you think she knows it is a wrap around porch He said She should she was standing on it! So A few minutes later she came to the door and said all done And The man was like Already! Yep she replied and I had a little extra paint so i did it twice. He said ok and Paid her 50 dollars and as she was leaving she said oh yah and sir it is a Ferrai Not an porshe!!

2007-06-05 10:57:35 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

"I Hope mines a boy" says one

"Cos I've used blue wool"

"Well I hope mines a spastic" replied the other

"cos I've f#ked the arms up"

2007-06-05 10:56:34 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous