Jokes & Riddles - June 2007

have you got a 360?

2007-06-19 12:49:52 · 7 answers · asked by ? 4

A guy meets a blonde girl at a bar.
He takes her home and starts doing her.
After he is finishes the blonde girl asks "you don't have hiv do you?" the guy says "no" Then, the blonde girl quickly says "good...I don't want to catch that again."

2007-06-19 12:44:27 · 22 answers · asked by Liberal City 6

Two Muslim women speaking about their kids.
The first one asked the other: "So how is Ahmed? I havent seen him about for a while!"
The second woman replies: "No, he became a martyr on his 17th birthday, he was fighting the jihad!"
So the first one said: "Yes, my Jalal was the same, but he was 16 at the time!"
"I dont know" sighed the first woman, "They blow up so fast these days!"

Q.What's the difference between Muslim terrorists and Smarties?
A.Smarties don't explode in the tube

A man goes to the World Trade Center. He says "I wanna buy a jumbo jet", "We don't sell jumbo jets here sir" was the reply, "Well you've got one in the window!!"

2007-06-19 12:34:42 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

my neighbor (a true blonde) was driving home from the dodger game late one night and a cop followed her into the driveway i was in the garage so i heard everything---the cop walks up to her window and asks her did you know you were driving on a flat tire? and she replied yeah i knew it was flat but its only flat on the bottom! true story and that cop is now married to that blonde ex neighbor of mine

2007-06-19 12:11:01 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

i DDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT never

2007-06-19 11:55:01 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

because theres no rodes form the bedroom to the kitchen

2007-06-19 11:31:00 · 8 answers · asked by ewr 1

woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

2007-06-19 11:28:12 · 15 answers · asked by si_kleeg 3

my friends last name is barbie and she just married a guy named ken. no seriously.

2007-06-19 11:20:30 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

desert island for months, one day a small urn washes up on the shore so they give it a rub and out pops a genie, he grants them one wish each
englishman, i really miss home my wife and kids and watching match of the day , genie grants his wish and POOF hes gone
scotsman,, oh how i miss the rolling hills of scotland , scotch whisky, Edinburgh castle, genie grants his wiush and POOF hes gone and back at home
irishman, im lonely without the other two i wish they was back here

2007-06-19 11:06:34 · 23 answers · asked by coopsradar 3

2007-06-19 10:27:11 · 7 answers · asked by Tom P 1

Craig wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He crawls out of bed, forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is what looks like a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Craig sits down and sees his clothes in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it's in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Sweetie, your breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love and kisses, Kelly."

He stumbles downstairs to the kitchen and, sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His teenage son, Eric, is also at the table, eating. Craig asks, "Eric, what the hell happened last night?"

"Well," Eric says, "you came home after 3 o'clock in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Craig asks, "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, and breakfast on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! ... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken furniture ... $485.26

Hot breakfast ... $8.20

Single red rose ... $5.00

Two aspirins ... 38¢

Saying the right thing, at the right time ... Priceless!

2007-06-19 10:25:28 · 12 answers · asked by Cassie 2

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave
his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot.
Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire.
He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday:

A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the rest-room and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed.
He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either.
His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

2007-06-19 10:18:12 · 24 answers · asked by Cassie 2

Today I went to (the) __________ and got a(n) _________ so I could ___________.

2007-06-19 10:13:15 · 17 answers · asked by Miss §hopaholic 5

there was a pregnant woman a little boy came up to her and touched her belly then he asked " what have you got in your belly?"

the woman answered " a baby"


the boy said "is it your baby?"

the woman said "yes!"

the boy was confused he asked another question "so do you like your baby?"

the woman said "yes indeed"

the boy said "SO WHY DID YOU EAT IT THEN?"

2007-06-19 10:08:27 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him?"

2007-06-19 09:51:52 · 24 answers · asked by bunywars5000 3

A mother cleaning her son's room finds an S&M magazine under the bed.
Upset, she immediately shows the magazine to her husband.
"Well?" his wife asks. "What do you think we should do?"
"I'm not sure," the father replies. "But we certainly shouldn't spank him."

2007-06-19 09:22:48 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde was walking back and forth from her mailbox to her house. She made the trip over and over again. Finally, her neighbor asked, "Excuse me, miss. What are you doing?" She replied "My computer keeps telling me I have mail

2007-06-19 09:02:51 · 12 answers · asked by daddyfirt 2

A vampire bat comes flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parks himself on the roof of the cave to get some much-needed sleep. Pretty soon, all the other bats smell the blood and begin hassling him about where he got it. He tells them to knock it off and let him get some sleep, but they persist. "We're starvin', Marvin! Buddy, you gotta share!" Finally, he gives in. He flies out of the cave with hundreds of bats following him, salivating over the thought of a meal. Down through the valley they go, across the river, and into the deep forest. Finally, the bat slows down, and all the other bats gather excitedly around him. "Do you see that tree over there?" he asks, gesturing to a large tree on the other side of the forest. "Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all scream in unison, looking around frantically for the source of the blood that they'll soon be feasting on. "Good," says the bat, "because I didn't

2007-06-19 09:01:51 · 12 answers · asked by daddyfirt 2

Lets hear your funniest caption/joke for this pic. What is he or she thinking or saying.

2007-06-19 08:16:29 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

they retired to the bedroom & Camillas new shoes were killing her. " Charles darling ", she said " please remove my shoes".
Being the ever obedient puppy he pulled and strained, but it wouldn't budge. " Harder " she shouted," Harder" he replied, " I'm trying darling, but its so bloody tight " ! " Come on, give it all you've got " she cried.
Finally when it came off Charles let out a long moan & Camilla sighed, " oh that feels so good " ! In their bedroom next door the Queen turns to Prince Philip and says, " see , I told you that with a face like that she'd be a virgin " !
Meanwhile,next door Charles has started on Camillas other shoe and cried, " God , this one's even tighter " , to which Philip turns to the Queen and says, " thats my boy, once a Navy man, always a Navy man " !

2007-06-19 08:02:36 · 10 answers · asked by Joe Ninety 2

Paddy goes for a job interview at a building site. the foreman asks if he can make a cuppa, Paddy replies yes, the best tea in Ireland! Then the foreman asks if paddy can drive a forklift truck, Paddy looks astonished and asks why? How bigs the teapot?!!!!!

2007-06-19 07:48:07 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ya Ya Ya Their is a chip on my shoulder. Come knock it off you think it will change anything?
I am not of your herd of political correct pink wearing intouch with their feelings new sissy boy's that love jap cars and hate anything made in the u.s.a.
"kick your government in the balls."
Vi va la anti_internet

2007-06-19 05:57:02 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Baby polar bear ask's dad"Am i a black bear?"

'No'say's dad.

"Am i a grizzly bear?"

'No,your a polar bear,go ask your mother,son',

Baby polar bear ask his mum,"Am i a drown bear,or a sun bear?"

No say's his mum.

"Am I a black bear or a koala bear?"

No you're a polar bear.why do you ask son?"

BECAUSE IM MIGHTY COLD.

2007-06-19 05:53:26 · 9 answers · asked by "!" 5

One night, a man rolls over in bed and gives his wife a big, knowing grin. Immediately realising his intentions she says,

"Not tonight darling. I have an appointment with the gynaecologist tomorrow morning and I want to stay fresh and clean."

Dejected and disappointed, the man rolls over and tries to get to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and prods his wife again.

"Tell me, do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow, too?"

2007-06-19 05:53:16 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is driving along the motorway with his wife in the passenger seat. During the drive, the wife gets an idea. She starts taking off her clothing piece by piece and tossing them out the window.
The guy is shocked but aroused. She gets her shoes, socks, etc. and chucks them out. Finally, she whips her underwear off and throws it all out onto the motorway. The guy is laughing and leering at her. He looses control of the car in the process and crashes into a barrier at the side.
Unfortunately, the air-bag doesn't go off on his side, and he finds himself wedged in under the steering wheel. "Help, go get help......aggghhhh, I'm stuck", he shouts.
"But I have no clothes on. What'll I do ?", she screams.
"Here", he says wiggling his foot, "Take my shoe and put it over your crotch. It'll have to do, love. Quick, hurry!"

2007-06-19 05:38:22 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-06-19 05:31:15 · 7 answers · asked by jake 1

I'm topless, wearing silk shorts and I'm fighting another topless person for a purse, and sometimes even a belt. Who am I?

2007-06-19 05:27:20 · 15 answers · asked by m d 5

Smiles.
Give an appropriate answer.

2007-06-19 05:26:35 · 32 answers · asked by Brenno 6

They were suspected suicide bummers.

2007-06-19 05:26:29 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Tie!!!!! Heyo!

Anyone else have a corny, easy to remember joke like that.

2007-06-19 05:25:23 · 7 answers · asked by double_o_shelbo 2