Jokes & Riddles - June 2007

Couples 10th anniversary,wife strips and says "what did you think when i stripped off 10 yesrs ago?"
He says "i wanted to fu** your brains out and suck your ti** dry" wife says "what are you thinking now?"
he says"looks like i did a pretty good job!"

2007-06-19 22:16:49 · 7 answers · asked by freerange00720002000 3

Two boys and a man need to cross a river. They can only use the canoe. It will hold only the man OR the two boys' weight. How can they all get across safely?

2007-06-19 21:29:11 · 9 answers · asked by Conan 3

to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength borne of fury, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed in the back yard and put his THING in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then she picked up a hacksaw.
The husband was terrified, and screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said, "Nope. I'm going to set the shed on fire. You do whatever you have to."

2007-06-19 21:15:43 · 9 answers · asked by Conan 3

PLEASE ANSWER!!

2007-06-19 21:04:19 · 37 answers · asked by KrystalKlear 2

a lawyer and a biker, were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn’t like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."
After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn’t like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her."
The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn’t like the t-shirt, then she could go F herself.

2007-06-19 20:53:23 · 6 answers · asked by Conan 3

This guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and
they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night? It's going to be a hell of
a party."

The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is
potent: drink only one ounce of it, and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let
me know how it goes."

The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist goes to work and finds the same guy
waiting for him on the door-step. The pharmacist says, "What are you doing here so early? How was
your weekend?" The guy replies, "Quick, I need Blue Ice (muscle pain relief).

The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says, "Are you crazy, you can't
put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive."

The guy says, "No, no, It's not for that, it's for my arm."

Pharmacist: "What?? What happened?"

Guy replies, "Well...I drank the whole bottle of your potion."

Pharmacist: "Oh my god, and then what ? "

"The girls never showed up!"

2007-06-19 20:48:05 · 12 answers · asked by vanessa 3

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their
honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn't sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter's bedroom and heard her screaming.

The mother thought to herself, "That's normal, especially on her wedding night."

She snuck by her second oldest daughter's room and heard her laughing. "That's normal too," she said, smiling to herself.

Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter's room where she didn't hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.

The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night's noises.

"Well Mom," she replied, "you always said if it hurt I should scream."

"You're absolutely right sweetheart," the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.

"Now why were you laughing?" she asked.




"You always said if it tickled, I could laugh," she answered.

"True enough, honey." The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.

"Now it's your turn, baby," she said turning to her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?"

"Mom, don't you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full."

2007-06-19 20:46:29 · 19 answers · asked by vanessa 3

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill.

The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he's so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.

The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"

The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay. I'm not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio."

2007-06-19 20:09:56 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.

Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.

The first man said,
"My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."

The second man said,
"My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."

The third man said,
"My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my *** up just one more time."

2007-06-19 20:07:00 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-06-19 18:26:52 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

can someone tell me a funny joke that isnt like forever long though....best joke gets 10 pts

2007-06-19 18:13:35 · 25 answers · asked by Crazy_Wanderer 3

It was the night of the palace ball and Cinderella couldn't stop crying. Her fairy God-mother was very distraught. Cinderella, she said, Why are you crying? You have a beautiful gown, a shiny pair of glass slippers, and you're about to have one of the best evenings of your life! But Cinderella continued to cry. I know, she said, sobbing, but I've looked everywhere and I can't find my diaphragm The fairy Godmother thought for a moment, and then said, I'll make you a diaphragm, but only for tonight and you HAVE to be back by midnight or it will turn into a pumpkin. Thank you! Thank you! she shrieked, and she went hurrying out the door so she wouldn't be late. The fairy God-mother smiled, happy to have pleased Cinderella so much. She settled down in front of the fire to await Cinderella's return.The fairy God-mother waited. And she waited. And she waited, until finally 12 o'clock rolled around and there was still no sign of Cinderella. The fairy God-mother started to get worried. One o'clock rolled around and then came two and then three and the fairy God-mother started to get worried. One o'clock rolled around and then came two and then three and the fairy God-mother had worked herself into a frenzy thinking about all of the horrible things that could have happened to her. Suddenly, the door swings open and Cinderella comes sauntering in in a daze with a lazy smile painted on her face, a little drunken swagger in her walk and kind of breathes a tire The fairy God-mother's eyes got big and she jumps up. What happened? Are you ok? she said with a frantic voice. I'm just fine, she murmured. I was on my way home when I met the most lovely man.... Peter, Peter something or other

2007-06-19 18:00:32 · 8 answers · asked by Tellerofawesomejokes 3

2007-06-19 17:37:48 · 8 answers · asked by ChAtMaN 4

Clues:
People love to go here
Its main race is very diverse
Are you hungry? here's a big apple!
Where am I?

The first person to answer this correctly will receive:
10 points (best answer)
an answer (from me) to at least 4 questions
And the winner can request for me to do something which I will happily do!

If you have no request please put "No request" after your answer or else it would automatically be wrong.

Good Luck!!!

2007-06-19 17:34:27 · 7 answers · asked by Warum liebst du mich? 2

2007-06-19 17:27:06 · 32 answers · asked by Chickapowpow 1

A woman's mother dies. She goes to her funeral. At the funeral, she meets a man she has never met before. They start to talk, and after a while, she realizes that this is the man of her dreams, and she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. After all is said and done, they depart. The woman is thinking of her future with the man on the car ride home when she realizes that she didn't even know the man's name.

The next month, her sister dies.
How does she die?

2007-06-19 17:24:40 · 9 answers · asked by sestrickland2009 1

MEN ARE BETTER FRIEND S !


Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend“s apartment over night. The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriend“s and none of them confirm that.


Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend“s apartment over night. The wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!


Conclusion of the story: Men are better friends!!!!

2007-06-19 17:23:28 · 8 answers · asked by BAD GUY 4

2007-06-19 16:54:33 · 14 answers · asked by Ahmed m 1

Suppose you want to cook an egg for exactly 3 minutes. You have only a 5 minute hourglass timer and a 2 minute hourglass timer. Using these 2 timers, how can you boil the egg for exactly 3 minutes?

2007-06-19 16:36:40 · 12 answers · asked by cheryle 1

2007-06-19 16:25:42 · 5 answers · asked by NAMELESS 2

2007-06-19 16:25:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-06-19 16:16:34 · 8 answers · asked by cheryle 1

2007-06-19 15:02:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....!!!!!

2007-06-19 14:18:09 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

wiped his butt

2007-06-19 14:13:08 · 9 answers · asked by cheryle 1

The first says: "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"
The second then starts: "That sounds like a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one called Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."
Then the third pipes up. "You think that's good? Where I come from, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That sounds fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?" "No," replies their friend, "but it happened to my sister!"

2007-06-19 14:07:25 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

'ay! Rack off!

You're fogging up my scene!

I'm smoking!!

2007-06-19 13:45:02 · 12 answers · asked by Magnifiius Sans Share-Iff 1

One says "Look, I see deer tracks"! The other says "You are so dumb. Those are moose tracks"! Then they were both hit by a train.

2007-06-19 13:42:37 · 12 answers · asked by Commander 3

So some one had asked:
"How come when i make the letters white, they don't show up even when i print it on colored paper?"

Do you know the answer to the question?

2007-06-19 12:53:33 · 12 answers · asked by Hαír Pεace Šmûrƒ Pεαce 7

The kid saids," Mommy, Mommy, I don't want to see grampa!"
"Shut up and start digging."

I know, it's sock. My brother told me it. He has a twisted mind.

2007-06-19 12:52:23 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous