Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

A foot.

2007-02-28 06:48:24 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is only one letter in the alphabet that has 3 syllables. What is it??

2007-02-28 06:48:22 · 17 answers · asked by Momofboys 3

i really would like to know how many one hundred dollar bills that would be.

2007-02-28 06:48:06 · 9 answers · asked by talofa lava 2

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doc, Doc, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied,
"I know you can't, I've cut
off your arms".

An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she
returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset. "What
happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.

"I had to slap his face three times!"

"You mean he got fresh?"

"No," she answered, "I thought he was dead!"


One day an Englishman, an American, and a Scotsman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Scotsman picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT"

2007-02-28 06:47:11 · 29 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

............f*nny! The doctor looks at it and says "pass them scissors!"

After snipping away for a few minutes, the doctor says "is that better?" The dwarf says "yes....what did you do?"

The doctor said "Just cut the top off your wellies!"

2007-02-28 06:43:14 · 23 answers · asked by prettywoman 6

intellegent answers please..

1. what came first the chicken or the egg? and why?

2. if a tree fell in the middle of the forest but no one was around to hear it fall, would it still make a noise? and why?

2007-02-28 06:36:39 · 6 answers · asked by yourmygoodfeeling 3

A man is dying of cancer.

His son: "Dad why you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS??"

Answer: "so that when I die, no one will dare to **** your Mother."

2007-02-28 06:20:27 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my “thingy” and pull yourself up.” And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

2007-02-28 06:12:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

If there are 5 apples on the counter and you take away 2, how many do you have?

2007-02-28 06:11:42 · 14 answers · asked by cucumis_sativus 5

Why can't you take a picture of a Indian woman with hair curlers?

2007-02-28 05:59:13 · 14 answers · asked by cucumis_sativus 5

Mom, Dad, and 2 kids have come to a river, and they find a boat. It is small and can only carry one adult or 2 kids at a time. Both kids are good rowers, but how can the whole family reach the other side of the river?

2007-02-28 05:57:54 · 8 answers · asked by cucumis_sativus 5

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

2007-02-28 05:54:44 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" Bert replied, "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."

2007-02-28 05:53:52 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old folks home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're
generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and
you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in
spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm.

2007-02-28 05:51:04 · 21 answers · asked by chris w. 7

The local United Way office realized that it had never received adonation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer incharge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute."Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 yougive not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to thecommunity in some way?"The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, Didyour research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, andhas medical bills that are several times her annual income?"Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um... No.""Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confinedto a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer outan apology but was put off. "Third, that my sister's husband died ina traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation,"Leaving her penniless with three
children?"The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "Ihad no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again,"...And I don't give any money to them, so why should I give any toyou?!"

2007-02-28 05:50:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

others please report them and i will pick yours as best answer eg "blonde"

2007-02-28 05:44:57 · 31 answers · asked by bad boy for life! 3

2007-02-28 05:40:30 · 10 answers · asked by hassn a 2

2007-02-28 05:36:13 · 9 answers · asked by Lonely Bàstard 5

with a purple head, and often gets blown by women??



a £20 note


can i have a star if you like it thanks

2007-02-28 05:28:58 · 17 answers · asked by Uncle Elroy 4

2007-02-28 05:21:05 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

this is a list of men... what are the two things they have in common

Ulysses Grant
Rutherford Hayes
James Garfield
Benjamin Harrison
William McKinley
William Taft
Warren Harding

2007-02-28 05:18:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

-My dad bought me house shoes as a housewarming gift.........but I wasn't satisfied with the gift b/c I moved into an apartment!

-The residents in Miami are pretty arrogant and selfish; I mean, all they think about is my, am, me!

-If you live in your hometown, but don't have any kind of shelter to live in, then who's to say that you're homeless?


Can you come up with any witty statements?

2007-02-28 05:12:44 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Or you played on someone else?

2007-02-28 05:11:38 · 6 answers · asked by tmac 5

Fact #1: Cats appreciate beauty in all forms
...and tastes
Fact #2: A cat's courage is equalto the strength of a dog's chain
Fact #3: Cats are very predatory and will attack and entire herd
...of cat treats
Fact #4: Cats need their space
...and your space, too

2007-02-28 05:11:16 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-28 05:07:16 · 3 answers · asked by BILL B 1

you have a weight scale. And you have eight metal ball and one gold ball. the gold ball weight more than the metal ball. all are the same size and same color, the diference is the weigth. try to tell me which ball is the gold ball, only using or putting the balls in the scale two time or in two tries.

2007-02-28 05:06:53 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-28 05:06:42 · 13 answers · asked by Ruben 3

whats the difference between an egg and a wa*k?


you can beat an egg :-()

lmao

2007-02-28 05:04:17 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

we are trying to do a quiz for my daughters drama class but came unstuck with this one.

2007-02-28 04:52:58 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man can home from work and sat down in his favourite chair and said to his wife 'quick go and get me a beer, it's going to start soon'. His wife looked confused but went and got him a beer. After he finished it he said 'quick go and get me another beer, it's going to start very soon'. His wife then stomped outside but got him his beer. When he finished he said 'go and get me another beer, it's going to start very very soon'. His wife said'who do you think I am you slave or something, I spent all day cleaning, iron and cooking you dinner, just so you can sit there and demand beer and not lift a muscle to help'.
He said 'OH it's started'.

2007-02-28 04:52:58 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous