Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

Mr. Fisher is a night watchman in a large company. On a certain morning when Mr. Fisher is leaving for home, his boss tells him: "I'm going on a businesstrip to Norway. Tomorrow I am departing from Heathrow airport." Mr. Fisher however advises him to take a boat. "Why should I?" asked the president.
"Last night I dreamed that the plane to Norway crashes, just before it will land," replied the watchman. The president smiles first, but since he is pretty superstitious he decides to take the boat. When he arrives in Norway, he is told that the plane which he should have taken had crashed. When the president returns from the trip, he gives a big reward to Mr. Fisher and immediately fires him. Why?

2007-02-28 08:35:59 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's ****!

2007-02-28 08:35:00 · 6 answers · asked by Shirlie 2

A peasant is convicted in China. He gets the death penalty. The judge allows him to say a last sentence in order to determine the way the penalty will be carried out. If the peasant lies, he will be hanged, if he speaks the truth he will be beheaded. The peasant speaks a last sentence and to everybody surprise some minutes later he is set free because the judge cannot determine his penalty.

What did the peasant say?

2007-02-28 08:32:34 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

You're travelling to some village. At some point there is a fork in the road. You could go two ways but only one of them leads to the village. Lucky for you there are two men standing next to the fork. But unfortunately one of them always lies and one always speaks the truth and you do not know who is who. Since the men do not really like to help you, you are allowed to ask one of them only one question. Which question should you ask?

2007-02-28 08:29:53 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-28 08:28:20 · 11 answers · asked by zoey101 1

2007-02-28 08:26:21 · 12 answers · asked by zoey101 1

okay... here it goes, there was a man, and he had two coins in his hand. The sum total of these two coins is 70p. One of those coins ISN'T a 20p. What are those two coins?

2007-02-28 08:24:27 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Follow these steps and see if you can figure this out.

1) Get a brown, cardboard box.
2) Get purple, orange, and turquoise paints.
3) Paint the box orange.
4) Paint on purple spots.
5) Paint on turquoise stripes.
7) Turn it upside down.
8) Lie on your side.

What is missing from this sequence?

2007-02-28 08:23:03 · 8 answers · asked by balla24n7 2

March 27 is my blind friend birthday. What kind of gift can i offer to please my blind friend?

2007-02-28 08:20:35 · 15 answers · asked by alao a 1

There are five weather forecasters getting ready for a weekend forecast. Each forecaster is predicting different weather and is choosing a suit and "tie" (yes, the women, too) of different color combinations. There are 3 men (John, Matt and Tim) and 2 women (Karen and Sarah).

Can you determine the color of the suit, the color and pattern of the tie, and the weather prediction for each forecaster?

1. The forecaster who wore a black suit did not predict snow or rain.

2. Many viewers called in to comment on the whimsically printed tan tie and brown suit combination.

3. The five forecasters were: Matt, the woman who predicted high winds, the person in a black suit, the man with a striped tie, and the woman in an olive suit.

4. A solid white tie was chosen to represent the snowy forecast that day.

5. John's orange tie was hated by his wife.

6. Sarah had a teal colored tie which was not floral.

7. Tim predicted sun and did not wear brown or black.

8. The man who predicted rain did not wear a striped tie.

9. The blue suit was worn by a man.

2007-02-28 08:19:52 · 7 answers · asked by balla24n7 2

In this teaser, you have to find the odd ones out in the groups of words. BUT WAIT! There's a catch. Each group of words has TWO words which do not belong. Can you find them both?

EXAMPLE:

Lily - Jane - Tulip - Rose

Jane does not belong as it's the only one which is not a flower

Tulip also does not belong because it's the only one which is not a girl's name

You're on you own for the rest!

1. Dodge - Ford - Lincoln - Hoover

2. King - Earl - Knight - Bishop

3. Yellow - Green - Dead - Black

2007-02-28 08:16:02 · 8 answers · asked by balla24n7 2

The Four Cats!
T-Square, Spreadsheet, Measure and Coffee Break

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man
was an Engineer, the second an Accountant, the third a Chemist and the
fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff."

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and
promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was
pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and
said,"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.
He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that
was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and
said

"Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took
out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
exactly 8oz. without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What
can your cat do?"

The Government Employee called his cat Coffee Break and said "do your
stuff."

Coffee Break jumped to his feet...

He drank the milk ate the cookies, and then beat up the other three
cats. Later he claimed he injured his back while doing so, so he filed a
grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers
Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

2007-02-28 08:14:46 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

My blind friend always complain whenever i am frying pop-corn with him that i am eating the corn instead of frying. I use to tell him that he can not see me, then how does he know that am escaping some pop-corn into my mouth. Still thesame complain everytime we are frying pop-corn
What should i be doing to avoid this allegation and wash me clean from my friend next time we fry pop-corn together?

2007-02-28 08:14:15 · 14 answers · asked by alao a 1

So I found this and wondered how others might answer. Just curious. The person with the "sanest" answer wins 10 points!

During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines if a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."

Okay, here's your test:
1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?

2007-02-28 08:12:22 · 17 answers · asked by balla24n7 2

A Piiig

2007-02-28 08:12:10 · 23 answers · asked by Shirlie 2

Virgin Megastore

2007-02-28 08:11:07 · 16 answers · asked by Shirlie 2

ONE LESS DRUNK!

2007-02-28 08:08:05 · 15 answers · asked by TellMeWhy? 4

TO BE SURE TO BE SURE

2007-02-28 08:03:25 · 12 answers · asked by Shirlie 2

A cop was walking past a restaurant when he heard someone scream - "No John, not the gun!" He ran inside and and saw a doctor, a lawyer, a milkman, and a dead body on the floor. He promptly walked over to the milkman and arrested him. He didn't witness the shooting and there was no apparent evidence to prove who shot the person and no one told him who the killer was.

2007-02-28 07:54:07 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and
picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

2007-02-28 07:50:46 · 16 answers · asked by a_word_of_praise 2

Dont think to hard about the riddle. If you think to hard you'll never get it. My whole class, including me, spent the whole class period trying to figure out "what can pass through the GREEN GLASS DOORS"

2007-02-28 07:46:01 · 18 answers · asked by ŠhåI(à×ZôÔløØ 1

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?

Why don't we ever see this headline:
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a "Broker"?

Why isn't there mouse flavoured cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavour?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why do they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

2007-02-28 07:43:27 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Dad came home one day in an exceptionally h0rny mood and took his wife upstairs for $ex. Just when they were really getting into it, their young son entered the room and started to cry.
"What's wrong, son?" the father asked. "Why are you crying?"
"You're hurting my mommy," the little boy replied.
"No, no," the father reassured, "I'm not hurting her. We are making
babies."
This seemed to calm the boy, and when he left the room the couple went back to their business.
The next day the father came home from work and found his son on the steps, crying."What's the matter NOW?" asked Dad.
His son replied, "It's those babies you were making with mommy
yesterday.
The mailman is upstairs eating them!

2007-02-28 07:33:02 · 10 answers · asked by Louy 5

TRY IT>>>>>>>>>
TRY IT>>>>>>>>>
Nice Game Play it.... its fun
try out this.its a real fun .trust me. but put on ur speaker first.. http://fun.fourecks.de/flash/games/lab.swf

and scrap me also do u like it or not....
hope u will enjoy it.

2007-02-28 07:27:37 · 7 answers · asked by geniuswithU 2

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.

Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!

Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.

Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!

Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.

Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"

2007-02-28 07:18:36 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

alligators are flying to china. one of them has a broken chair in his mouth. he says, why are we doing this again??? and the other one says, because its wednesday! dua!!!

you get it??????

2007-02-28 07:17:42 · 18 answers · asked by M T 5

My best friend just turned 30...while he is out celebrating, me and some friends (who have a key) are going to sneak in and cause some trouble...paint the windows with window paint, etc. Are there any other ideas? Nothing too serious but funny ...? Any suggestions would be GREAT! :) thanks!

2007-02-28 07:14:41 · 6 answers · asked by quin 2

the trend of wearing your pants down low started in prison.

and it was a sign that you *wanted a boyfriend*

If you catch my point....

2007-02-28 07:05:56 · 13 answers · asked by Laurel Creekian¿ 2

whats pink and hard?

A PIG WITH A FLICK KNIFE

2007-02-28 07:04:48 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

is it fair if my math teacher gives me a zero on a test because i was absent on the day the test was on????

2007-02-28 07:02:37 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous