Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

before i start i dont mean to disicriminate blondes anyway ................................

theres a blonde a red head and a brunette. and there all running away from the police. they decide to hide in a barn. the red head, the brunette and blond all climb into sacks they find lying on the floor because the police are near-by. When the police arrive one exclaims "they might be in those dirty old sacks" and goes over to the one with the redhead in. to disguise herself she makes a sound of a cat "meow". the police figures its probably a cat, then goes over to the bag with the brunette in and she makes the soung "woofwoof" to diguise herself again and the police again reckons itll just be a dog. and moves on to the last bag with the blonde inside and the blonde says "POTATOES" lmao


well i find it funny even though its a bit of a retarded joke . anyway give us a star if u liked, or even if you didnt cos im special lol :):):):) loveee youuu .... xxxxxxxxxxx

2007-02-28 04:45:53 · 21 answers · asked by beckiieee 1

You are walking through a field, and you find something to eat. It doesn't have bones, and it doesn't have meat. You pick it up and put it into your pocket. You take it home and put it on a shelf, but 3 day's later it walks away. What is it?

2007-02-28 04:44:34 · 9 answers · asked by adawgfan48 1

There was a young man from Bengal
Who went to a fancy dress ball.
He thought he would risk it
And go as a biscuit
....

Best answer gets the 10 points!!

2007-02-28 04:34:15 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

An 80 year old man went for his annual check-up and the Doctor said "Friend, for your age, you're in the best shape I've seen."

The old fella replied, "I know for sure that I live a good, clean, spiritual life."

The Doctor ask him, "What makes you say that?"

The old man replied, "If I didn't live a good, clean life, the Lord wouldn't turn the bathroom lights on for me everytime I get up in the middle of the night."

The Doc was concerned, "You mean, the Lord himself turns the light on for you?"

"Yep," the old man said, "whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for me."

Well, the Doctor didn't say anything else, but when the old man's wife came in for her check-up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said. "Your husband's in fine physical shape, but I'm worried about his mental condition. He told me that the Lord turns on the bathroom light for him!"

"AAhhh" say's the wife "So its him thats been peeing in the fridge!"

2007-02-28 04:32:39 · 8 answers · asked by Lucky Cat 3

In need of a really good joke.

2007-02-28 04:32:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-28 04:27:14 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a root beer and a mop.

HA HA HA HA HA

2. A duck walks into a bar. He orders a coke. He says,"Put it on my bill."

HA HA HA HA HA

3. A tall man walks into a bar. "Ow"

HA HA HA HA HA

2007-02-28 04:26:03 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks into a bar, and asks for a glass of water. The bartender pulls a shotgun out from behind the bar and points it at the man. The man thanks him, and leaves. Now tell me...What was the reason for the man walking into the bar in the first place?

2007-02-28 04:13:01 · 12 answers · asked by Kevin M 3

What yyyy


or O
or

2007-02-28 04:02:36 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

IT MUST BE 6IN. AROUND

2007-02-28 03:58:12 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man wearing a frogman (scuba diving suit) was found dead in a burnt out forest. How did he die?

2007-02-28 03:52:26 · 11 answers · asked by Lolipop 2

It's a tough question. To answer correctly, you need to give me the wrong answer. Can anyone give me a good response?

Thx!

2007-02-28 03:42:45 · 19 answers · asked by Shez 2

I star in a show that rhymes with MOUSE.

I used to be comedy partners with a man who's name rhymes with BEVAN PLY, and whose name is Stephen Fry.

My name rhymes with WHO LORRY.

I was the lead singer of Echo and the Bunnymen between 1979-1985.

2007-02-28 03:41:55 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

For my daughter's 13th birthday we're going to hide her presents around the house but I'm getting stuck for riddles to lead her from present to present.
I'm not sure of where I'm going to put the presents yet - will depend on what I can get a riddle to fit to! The presents are all of varying sizes so I can hide them in most household places.
Thank you for your help!

2007-02-28 03:18:00 · 6 answers · asked by Gem 1

Jane remembers that tomorrow she has to go to her gyno for her yearly checkup and wants to make sure she takes extra care in the morning before she leaves. Well next day with all the hussel and bussel of the morning routine breakfast, sending her husband off to work and the kids to school, it gets kind of late for Jane to take extra care of herself and just takes the wash cloth next to the sink and cleans up. She rushes to the car and off to the Doctor's office. During her examination the Doctor says hmmmmm, took extra care this morning did ya ? Jane ignores the comment and goes home when he's finished. She gets home as little sally arrives from school. Sally asks her mom,"Mom where is the wash cloth that I left next to the sink ?" Jane replys, "Don't worry honey just get a new one from the laundry room." "No mom I want the one that was next to the sink, it had my glitter and shiny stars on it"

2007-02-28 03:15:56 · 19 answers · asked by This, That & such 5

Chap walks in to the bar, amazed he rubs his eyes, there infront of him was this tiny man about 1 foot tall playing the piano!! The little man was superb, the music filled the bar.

The chap couldn't contain himself, he ran to the bar and shouted "barman, barmen... tell me where you got the piano player!!"

The barmen replied, very unhappyly "Don't talk to me about that bloody Pianist".

"But he's amazing, you must tell me about him!" exclaimed the chap.

"O.k, O.k," Said the barman, "Just promise me you'll drop the subject after?!"

"For sure!" replied the chap.

"Well," said the barman "I was tidying the cellar and I came across this bottle, I rubbed the dust off and to my amazement, a genie popped out and granted me one wish, he said speek clearly because the Genie had a slight hearing problem!" The barman stopped for a second and shook is head "Well, all I can say is I didn't ask for an 18" Pianist!!!"

2007-02-28 03:15:03 · 7 answers · asked by Lucky Cat 3

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/

2007-02-28 03:07:31 · 4 answers · asked by justuraverageperson 2

a plane is flying over the atlantic when the engines start to fail and it starts to plummett.
they throw out all the seats
but its still too heavy.
they throw out all they luggage
but its still too heavy.
so the englishman gets up says "god save the queen" and jumps out.
but its still too heavy.
the frenchman steps up "viva la france" and he jumps out
but its still too heavy.
next a yank steps up "remember the alamo"
and chucks out the mexican.....



give it a star if ya think its good thanks

2007-02-28 03:01:06 · 28 answers · asked by Uncle Elroy 4

The farmer then goes to the vet and asks how he can get his sheep to reproduce. The vet suggests artificicial insemination. The farmer doesn't know what that term means but is too embarrassed to admit it. He then gets the idea that he has to fertilize the sheep himself. The farmer then asks the vet, "How will I know when they're pregnant?" "They'll be really lazy and just lying around in the grass." The vet replies.
The farmer then returns home, packs up his sheep in his truck and takes them up to the hill to "artificially inseminate" them. The next morning, he looks out the window to see if they are laying in the grass. To his dismay, they are not. He tries again, but is unsuccessful. He looks out the window and again, the sheep are not laying in the grass. He tries one more time and in the morning he asks his wife if they are laying in the grass as he is too tired to even look out the window.
She replies,"No, they're all in your truck and one is honking the horn!"

2007-02-28 02:59:01 · 13 answers · asked by RcknRllr 4

There is a husband who has a really long hair. One day, his wife tells him to cut his hair. But he replies that he doesn't feel like to spend some money on haircut. So they decide that the wife would cut the hair.

At first, she cuts her children's hair as practices. The husband still decides to let the wife cuts his hair, even though the children's haircut looks horrible.

Now it's his turn to have his haircut. So he decides to read a magazine while his wife cuts his hair. The husband decides to turn into another page because he finishes the pages. Then his wife says: "Hold on. I haven't finish that page yet!!!"

2007-02-28 02:58:22 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

When asked this riddle, 80% of kindergarten kids got the answer, compared to 17% of Stanford University seniors.

2007-02-28 02:55:13 · 19 answers · asked by YayaMami87 2

Three guys talk in the office after a night out.

First guy says, "Man!! I was sooo drunk last night!! I'm tellin you it took me 3hrs to get home!! and I only live 100m from that bar!"

Second man says, "Thats nothing, I can't even remember gettin home, I was sooooo drunk!"

Third guy says quietly, "man I was so drunk, when I got home I blew chunks!"

The first two look at him and say "well thats not that bad!!"

Third guy replies "Chunks is the name of my dog?!?!"

2007-02-28 02:51:02 · 11 answers · asked by Lucky Cat 3

i have a friend that is from California that looks like a mexican, but isn't and we call him our Beaner! lol neway he always tells us these great Mexican jokes, but i never have any to say to him.... so if ya can help it would be great!!!!!

2007-02-28 02:41:05 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Where a magician hides his tricks
Back in two shakes but not before
Jump without a hop and a skip

2007-02-28 02:29:44 · 18 answers · asked by AvrilMad! 4

i dare you! just for fun

2007-02-28 02:28:50 · 20 answers · asked by PuNk RoCkEr GuRL 2

this is very difficult !

2007-02-28 02:25:39 · 8 answers · asked by youngie 2

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final

plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win

$1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the

$25,000 milestone money.



And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar

question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of

birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of

other birds? Is it:



A) the condor

B) the buzzard

C) the cuckoo

D) the vulture



The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was

doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience

Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. The

woman hoped she would not have to use it because ...



Her friend was, well--blonde. She had no alternative. She

called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The

blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: the

cuckoo." The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She

considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Merideth any answer

except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her

friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But

her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the

contestant could not help but be persuaded.



"I need an answer," said Merideth. Crossing her fingers, the contestant

said, "C: The cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes, that is my final answer."

Two minutes later, Merideth said,

"That answer is ........................ Absolutely correct!

You are now a millionaire!



Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and

friends, including the blonde who h ad helped her win the million dollars.



"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you

happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde...

"Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests.

They live in clocks."

2007-02-28 02:23:03 · 23 answers · asked by DrPepper 6

If you don't put "this" on the right head, it could kill you? What is it?
Scroll for answer.
















































































A condom


What do you think?

2007-02-28 02:22:39 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-28 02:15:05 · 14 answers · asked by Shalini j 1

What is Fergalicious I like the song, but what is it?

2007-02-28 02:13:35 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous