Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

TELL ME IF THIS JOKE IS FUNNY
Blonde Diet

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping."

2007-02-28 13:58:22 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

*The scenario*

Your trapped in a house. everything is locked. But don't worry, you have a key to unlock the front door.

However, somehow the key gets tossed out the open window.

You jump out the window, grab the key, jump back into the house, unlock the front door and escape.

*end of scenario*

Now does this scenario make any sense? If not, tell me how

2007-02-28 13:57:02 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am sometimes strong and sometimes weak, but I am nobody's fool. For there is no language that I cannot speak, though I never went to school. What am I?

2007-02-28 13:53:20 · 20 answers · asked by KJ480 3

what did one sheep say to the other

2007-02-28 13:53:09 · 8 answers · asked by joe 1

2007-02-28 13:53:08 · 9 answers · asked by someone 2

So, i had a pet chicken named Rapunzel, and it crossed the road. If anyone actually gets the right reason, that's 10 pts for you.

Hint: This is actually kinda sad.

2007-02-28 13:52:31 · 7 answers · asked by kissamoose217 3

my friend told me this one.....

ok whats the first thing you do when you lose alot of weight?? you go and buy new cloths right??
well this lady lost all this weight and went and bought a new skirt. it was just a little too tight when she went to step up on the bus..
so she reaches back and unzips it a little.. she cant get up the step yet so she reaches back and unzips it again.. she goes to step up and she still cant step up...so she reaches back and does it again.. she still cant step up so she goes to do it again and the man behind her picks her up and just puts her on the bus.. she turns around and says " excuse me you dont eaven know me!!" he says " well you just unzipped my zipper 3 times!!"

lol idk if its funny but i was bored!!

2007-02-28 13:45:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.

The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you."

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, "Well, thank ye ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't
nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."

She said, "Don't be flattered...take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

2007-02-28 13:43:08 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little suzie did very well in school.One day billy came up to her and said ur my purple flower.Suzie started crying and told the teacher. the teacher said billy go to the principals office right now. So billy went to the principals office.the principal said i heard you called suzie a purple flower.there is no name calling at this school so ill have to send you home.OK said billy.he walked in the front door of his house and his mom said why are you home so early. Billy said because i called suzie a purple flower.So his mom says go to ur room right now!He ways in his room and his dad KICKED him out of the house for calling suzie his purple flower.So he went over to his friend joes house who happened to live on a farm.Joe asked why are u over here.billy replies because i got kicked out of the house for calling suzie a purple flower.Joe gets really mad and starts his tractor and tries to run over him.billy runs in the middle of the street and gets hit by a car.whats the moral of the story?

2007-02-28 13:37:04 · 15 answers · asked by joe 1

why does my points go down went i put something on here

2007-02-28 13:22:39 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-28 13:18:39 · 5 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

2007-02-28 13:16:12 · 3 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

1)I'm round sometimes. I'm half sometimes. i'm black sometimes.I'm white sometimes. And only some people have touch me. What am I?



2)I only have 1 foot and a face what am I?



3)when you start using it is black but when you are using it it turns red and when you stop using it is gray what am I?



4)I dont have a body I only appear with a face what am I?

2007-02-28 13:10:45 · 7 answers · asked by $$$Fabian$$$ 2

2007-02-28 13:09:49 · 12 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

and what is the color of the cow that jumps over it...

2007-02-28 13:07:08 · 5 answers · asked by ixat02 2

2007-02-28 13:04:48 · 5 answers · asked by Sherwin M 1

2007-02-28 12:49:10 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-28 12:48:38 · 14 answers · asked by dbram5 1

Barry Bonds wife goes to her doctor because she had mistakenly been taking her husband's daily vitamins and was noticing a strange result...she was growing hair on her chest. The doctor looks and says "Oh my goodness! You do have hair on your chest. How far down does it go"? Bonds wife says "All the way to my balls".

2007-02-28 12:47:02 · 15 answers · asked by Commander 3

which would you rather have......10,000 in cash or a penny a day, doubled everyday for 30 days????

2007-02-28 12:45:32 · 11 answers · asked by glduke2003 4

1.Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury
2.The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of 11: $6,400
3.The average number of people airbourne over the USA any given hour: 61,000
4.Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair
5. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
ANSWERS WILL COME
Q1.If u were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
Q2.What do bullerproof vests, frie escapes, windscreen wipes, & laserprinters all have in common?
Q3.What is the only food that doesnt spoil?
Q4.There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
Q5.What trivia faact Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
Q6.The 1st couple to be shown in bed together on prime TV were?
Last interesting FACT - in details below

2007-02-28 12:38:24 · 16 answers · asked by sexy rack 2

This blonde calls the HP help line, she states that her computer is not working. The tech asks her to check all the cable connections and verify that they are plugged in. Some time goes by while she checks them. A loud noise is heard over the phone, so the tech asked her what was that noise. She stated she hit her head on the desk while trying to hold the flash light and check the cables. The tech asked why she needed a flash light to check the cables and she repleid........"The power is out and she could not see the wires."

2007-02-28 12:35:59 · 17 answers · asked by rcpton 2

two tomato police showed up.One said will he be ok?
the other said yep but its likely he'll be a cabbage for the rest of his life...ban that u pri**s

2007-02-28 12:35:15 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter.
She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.
"Magic Beer", he says.
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,
"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"
"Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window.
The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."
He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.
She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."
She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.
The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk!"

2007-02-28 12:33:43 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck ,if a wood-chuck could chuck wood.

2007-02-28 12:29:59 · 5 answers · asked by renzoval3 2

2007-02-28 12:25:34 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

here's mine :

#1:
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

what's yours?

2007-02-28 12:25:09 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok, so you go to your mother's funeral and you meet a cute guy there. You guys start talking and you get to really liking him. The next day you kill your sister, why did you kill your sister?

2007-02-28 12:24:26 · 13 answers · asked by silver rose 2

you are trapped in a house that belongs to nobody. there is no electricity at all. you dont have a phone with you . you see 2 doors. one is red and one is blue . which do you go through? ps give me your e-mail so i can tell you the rest. if you really dont want to then oh well , you dont get to hear the rest.

2007-02-28 12:21:45 · 21 answers · asked by shiningjewel 2

2007-02-28 12:21:14 · 7 answers · asked by pinkypinkypinkyislovelovelove 1