Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

Why is everyone saying all these jokes are racist when i am a muslim here and when they said joke about saddam hussain, i thought it was funny, how come no one says that blonde jokes are racist or other jokes, y is everyone in a cranky mood today? everyone needs to take and deep breathe and calm down, its suppose to be a joke and everyone here right now does not have a sense of humor, please dont violate me, it's just a question that seems to be rather confusing....

2007-01-21 10:00:37 · 18 answers · asked by LittleBit 3

Q: How do blondes count?

A: One...another one...another one...


A blonde thinks that her boyfriend is cheating on her so she buys a gun and drives to his house. There she finds him in the arms of a brunette. She puts the gun to her head and her boyfriend says "No honey! Don't do it!" She replies with, "Shut up! You're next!"

2007-01-21 09:58:36 · 10 answers · asked by time_stands_still 1

Die at the exact same time.
When they reach heaven, an angel gives the priest the average set of wings and a white robe, but he gives the lawyer a gold-laced robe and wings.
The angel then takes the priest to his quarters, an average heavenly suite, but the lawyer gets a huge mansion and many servants to wait on him hand and foot.
When the dinner bell rings, the priest gets the average heavenly dinner, but the lawyer is served a five course meal on silver platters.
By now the lawyer is wondering why he is getting treated so much better than the priest and goes to ask the angel why.
The lawyer says "there must be something wrong here" to the angel.
The angel replies "I dont think so. You see, we've seen thousands of priests, but your the first lawyer!"

2007-01-21 09:56:19 · 8 answers · asked by random 2

Pizza hut make large pizza's that can feed a family of four, where the black man can't feed the family

2007-01-21 09:50:37 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

My "manhood" is so big that I find myself tripping on it while walking. What should I do? Is it just a case of "woe is me." ?

2007-01-21 09:49:43 · 8 answers · asked by icyhott4urmind 1

actually i dont but id like to hear yours...
:-D

2007-01-21 09:44:04 · 10 answers · asked by !!! 3

A "jiffy" is an actual unt of time? 1/100th of a second.

2007-01-21 09:42:06 · 11 answers · asked by random 2

2007-01-21 09:36:01 · 19 answers · asked by Dokie 2

Raisin Bran

2007-01-21 09:31:56 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

You get a pail put a little water in the bottom frez it and then add pennies and keep doing it until it is full, then take it to the bath tub run hot water over it until it come free of the pail take it out and you have to wrap it in a bag, and then wrap again and then put it in a cold place , THEN YOU HAVE COLD HARD CASH . HA HA HA I have had a lot of diffrent laughs out of it , it is one on one thinks of and it is funny try it.

2007-01-21 09:20:41 · 3 answers · asked by ? 2

A father and son are driving down a long narrow path when all of a sudden another vehicle slams into theirs. Both the cars get seriously smashed up and afterwards the son is taken to a nearby hospital. The doctor says "I cant operate on this child. He is my son".

How can this be?

2007-01-21 09:10:26 · 15 answers · asked by xrandomnessx 2

What do ya get when ya cross an elephant with a kangaroo?

2007-01-21 09:09:33 · 2 answers · asked by N W 2

A woman takes her husband to a western. During the final showdown, she pulls out a pistol, shoots him, then casually removes the body from the theater without anyone being the wiser. How?

Solve it!

2007-01-21 09:02:57 · 11 answers · asked by xrandomnessx 2

A Mexican bandit specalized in sneaking over the border to rob banks in Texas. Eventually a resourceful Texas Ranger traccked the bandit down to a bar near the Rio Grande and held a gun to his head. "Tell me where you hid the money or I'll blow your brains out."
The bandit didn't speak English and the Texas Ranger didn't speak Spanish but in the saloon that day there happened to be a bilingual lawyer who agreed to act as a translator. With a gun at his head, the terrified bantit blurted out in Spanish that the money was buried under an oak tree at the back of the saloon.
"What did he say?" asked the Texas Ranger.
The lawyer replied: "He said, 'Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me."

2007-01-21 09:01:56 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Have you ever wondered (or noticed):

-why you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway
-why french fries didn't originate in France
-why hamburgers aren't really made of ham
-how stores could put expiration dates on bottled water
-that Taylor Hicks's surname tells exactly who he is
-how a person could be so smart and stupid at the same time
-why 'fat chance' is the same as 'slim chance'
-if infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery
-why is the man who invests all your money called a broker
-if vegetarians can eat animal crackers
-why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
-if horrific is a synonym of horrible, why is terrific an antonym of terrible?

If you have any witticisms or other funny jokes, please feel free to post them!!!

2007-01-21 09:00:41 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

These are some lifetime experiences that was posted on the net by Dave Barry . I found them worth sharing.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Never lick a steak knife.
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

2007-01-21 08:44:39 · 9 answers · asked by Tarek D 2

One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. He stammered,

DRIVER: "Where to?"

WOMAN: "Union Station,"

DRIVER: "You got it", taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked,

WOMAN: "Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?"

DRIVER: "Well ma'am, I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said,

WOMAN: "Does this answer your question?"

DRIVER: (still looking in the mirror) "Got anything smaller?"

2007-01-21 08:43:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ans, Three, but you have to slice them really thin!!

2007-01-21 08:41:13 · 17 answers · asked by abraxas5597 2

2007-01-21 08:37:25 · 18 answers · asked by random 2

A shoe saleman was making a sales trip in Kenya. After spending his first day walking around Nairobi, he went back to the hotel and call his boss in New York:

"Boss, I am packing up and coming home tomorrow morning. No body wears shoes here!"

2007-01-21 08:35:34 · 10 answers · asked by sprinting_turtle 5

Dane Cook is hilarious. He is my favorite comedian. Tell me if you like him or don't and why. thanks

2007-01-21 08:18:18 · 16 answers · asked by Miss §hopaholic 5

If a stork brings white babies, and a crow brings black babies, what brings no babies?

2007-01-21 08:05:41 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

<33

2007-01-21 08:04:36 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-21 07:59:25 · 9 answers · asked by TERRY B 1

2007-01-21 07:46:41 · 14 answers · asked by blueeyesrmine 2

you r n jail. u have 2 escape bcuz sum1 has put a bomb n da buildin. u r 7ft tall. there is a bobwired fence 6ft tall with sharp blades in front of the door. the door is 5ft tall. u only have 5 minutes 2 escape. there is a lake right outside for u 2 jump into what would u do

2007-01-21 07:45:02 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

any one out there under age. unable to show the world your AVATAR cause im under age and i have a nice avatar (i think everyone elses avatars are better mind me saying) and im under age stoping me from showing it. any one gonna tell me there age so i can compair it to mine???????????????????? you must have pretty avatars??

2007-01-21 07:43:54 · 16 answers · asked by Lacadema (Role-player) 4

A.)Because when he was just 6 yrs old ,..grown ups used to tell him (all the time)
"Hey! You cant have no COFFEE!!! It'll STUNT your growth,kid!"
But Webster said "Ahhhh! I'll Drink whatever i FEELS like drankin! Besides,...I've already had 100 expressos already so far,....and I'm ADDICTED already!"

2007-01-21 07:39:36 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok you can move up 2 floors everyday but you also move down one and if there r 10 floors how many days will it take u 2 reach the 10th floor?

2007-01-21 07:32:13 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.


"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"



He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

2007-01-21 07:25:10 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous