Here are some funny witticisms?

Question

Have you ever wondered (or noticed):

-why you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway
-why french fries didn't originate in France
-why hamburgers aren't really made of ham
-how stores could put expiration dates on bottled water
-that Taylor Hicks's surname tells exactly who he is
-how a person could be so smart and stupid at the same time
-why 'fat chance' is the same as 'slim chance'
-if infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery
-why is the man who invests all your money called a broker
-if vegetarians can eat animal crackers
-why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
-if horrific is a synonym of horrible, why is terrific an antonym of terrible?

If you have any witticisms or other funny jokes, please feel free to post them!!!

Answer 1

Only in CANADA....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the
back
>of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
>cigarettes at the front.
>
>
>Only in CANADA....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries,
and a
>diet coke.
>
>
>Only in CANADA....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
pens to
>the counters.
>
>
>Only in CANADA....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
>driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
>
>
>Only in CANADA....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
>packages of eight.
>
>
>Only in CANADA....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so
>well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
>creatures'.
>
>Only in CANADA....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
>lettering.
>
>
>EVER WONDER....
>
>Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>
>Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? !
>
>Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
>
>Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
>Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
>
>Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made
>with real lemons?
>
>Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
>
>Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
>
>Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>
>Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
>Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
>
>You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't
>they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
>
>Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>
>Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
>
>If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
>
>If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Answer 2

Funny Witticisms

Answer 3

Only if I'm in a sarcastic, witty mood. Most of the time, I come here to answer questions to the best of my ability. It's more of an intellectual exercise than anything else.

Answer 4

A sign says: No Parking on both sides of the road

really now...can u park ur car on both sides of the road at the same time?

Answer 5

Nice

Answer 6

Cool.

Answer 7

-why do we trust lawyers, people who lie for a living?
-what do you call a daydream that happens at night, but you are not asleep?

Answer 8

Good one! heres another

If olive oil is made out of olives and peanut oil peanuts then what is baby oil made out of.....?

Answer 9

Pineapple :) theres no pine or apple in the PINEAPPLE YAY IM GOOD

Answer 10

why do u say i gotta take a poop wen ur rele gonna leave one