Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

i went out with a one legged girl once, every time we kissed she fell over

it turns out we got off on the wrong foot.

2007-01-26 23:54:46 · 14 answers · asked by michael j fox 1

WHALE - OIL - BEEF - HOOKED!!!!!

2007-01-26 23:31:42 · 10 answers · asked by McQ 3

Three birds are flying one behind another. The first bird says two birds are flying behind me. The last bird says two birds are flying in front of me. But the middle bird says 2 birds are flying behind me and 2 birds are flying in front of me. How?

2007-01-26 23:24:30 · 33 answers · asked by Nicks 2

I learnt a different way to say the 3 bears rhyme as a child and wondering if anyone can tell me how it went

The way it started was

Once upon a time in a nureserty ryhme there where 3 bears (3bears)
One was a mama bear, one was a papa bear and one was a wee bear (a wee bear)

The second part of it had something like
they went a walking with a little bit a stalking and along came a little girl with long golden flowing hair and her name was golden locks and upon the door she knocks and no-one was there (no-one was there)

Hopefully someone can remember it

The way you did it was you clicked your fingers along to it as you sorta sang it

2007-01-26 23:10:16 · 2 answers · asked by mary L 4

paddy was driving home pizzed as a newt. suddenly he had to swerve to avoid a tree, and another and another, a police car pulls him over as he swerves all over the road. paddy tells the policeman about the trees in the road, the policeman says!! for fook sake paddy "thats your air freshner"!!

2007-01-26 21:52:54 · 8 answers · asked by caesar 3

paddy was driving home pizzed as a newt. suddenly he had to swerve to avoid a tree, and another and another, a police car pulls him over as he swerves all over the road. paddy tells the policeman about the trees in the road, the policeman says!! for fook sake paddy "thats your air freshner"!!

2007-01-26 21:46:31 · 12 answers · asked by caesar 3

How'd you get it up there? It's bloody huge!

2007-01-26 21:27:45 · 9 answers · asked by The Mad Shillelagh 6

2007-01-26 21:21:39 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

If a girl laughs ,she is merry,
If a boy laughs ,he is mannerless.

If a girl talks ,she is decent,
If a boy talks,he is a chatterbox.

If a girl likes silence ,she is serious,
If a boy likes silence ,he is dull.

If a girl looks at a boy,she glares,
If a boy looks at a girl,he stares.

If a girl wears a unique dress,she is fashionable,
If a boy wears a unique dress ,he is a joker.

If girls walk in a company,they r a group,
If boys walk in company ,they r a gang.

2007-01-26 21:10:10 · 21 answers · asked by gunkedar 2

2007-01-26 21:09:11 · 6 answers · asked by plomondaya 1

man1--my wife was reading " a tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins,,
man2--my wife was reading" the three musketeers" and she gave birth to triplets,,
man3--ohh my gosh,,my wife's pregnant and shes reading " Ali baba and forty thieves"
**************************
Bob: “Emily, aren’t you afraid of death?” Emily: “I just think of it as a part of life.” Bob: “Yeah. The last part.” (Bob Newhart show/Sy Rosen)
I believe
***********************
doctor--i have a bad news and another worse than that
man--what is it?
doctor--u r going to die in 24 hours
man--what can be worse than that?
doctor--i m trying to meet u since yesterday !!!
************************
man--how much time have i got?
doctor--10,
man--10 days,10 weeks,10 years,,what??
doctor--10,9,8,7,,,,,
*****

2007-01-26 21:06:42 · 8 answers · asked by gunkedar 2

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter wants to choose her own bridegroom!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. "
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

2007-01-26 21:02:22 · 17 answers · asked by gunkedar 2

Its not how funny the joke is its how you tell it :O) Keep smiling heres another one of them silly but worth while jokes. How can you tell if a cyclist is happy?
Count the dead flies on there teeth :O)

2007-01-26 21:01:33 · 13 answers · asked by neilhollydood 1

Man that really stinks

2007-01-26 20:59:37 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's a health food shop and cafe where people can chat about Philosophy. I'm going to call it 'Sweet Raisin'.

2007-01-26 20:27:29 · 3 answers · asked by steveb9458 2

I am made up of a cardinal number but sliced in pieces, I can provide you camping equipment and a different number.

2007-01-26 20:23:43 · 3 answers · asked by Traveller 5

10. You don't feel guilty about doing it alone.

9. No one ever starts rumors about how much you sleep.

8. You don't feel like a total loser if you didn't get any.

7. You don't have to pay for sleep.

6. You don't need to sleep after sleeping.

5. You can sleep for eight hours straight.

4. You can sleep in church.

3. Your teddy bear never complains.

2. While you're asleep you can have sex with anyone you want.

1. It's legal to sleep in any position in all 50 states!

2007-01-26 20:05:36 · 13 answers · asked by me here, where are you? 3

two bags of sand
hehe..

2007-01-26 19:32:55 · 17 answers · asked by missnikid 4

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a tree fell in the woods at the speed of light with it's headlights on and no one was around to hear it?

2007-01-26 19:30:17 · 11 answers · asked by Ace of Spades 2

-Washing
-Ironing
-Fu**ing
-Etc..

2007-01-26 19:24:18 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do you get when you cross a cow with a duck>??
A milk float
told ya in was funny the toilets that way>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> :O)

2007-01-26 19:22:57 · 19 answers · asked by neilhollydood 1

01.Machine X can print a job in 8 hours . machine Y in 10 hours and machine Z in 12 hours. All machines were started in 8:00a.m. Machine X broke down at 10:00 a.m. Approximately at what time the other two machines together will finish the job?

( Pls give answer with explanation)

________________


02.?.2

736

3415
( Pls give answer with explanation)

________________________

2007-01-26 18:50:46 · 6 answers · asked by amal d 1

A very nervous teenager places a pack of condoms on the counter in front of the pharmacist. The pharmacist says "That'll be $3.17 with the tax." The kid says "Oh, tacks! That's how these things stay on!"

2007-01-26 18:45:09 · 12 answers · asked by Commander 3

Ways To Annoy Public Bathroom Friends

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. "Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. "Damn, this water is cold."

6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the txilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

7. "Now how did that get there?"

8. "Hummus. Reminds me of hummus."

9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

10. "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"

2007-01-26 18:37:47 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir wasn’t used to the salt in American food (French fries, cheese, etc.) and was constantly sending his man-servant, Abdul, to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water. But finally he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water??" demanded the Grand Emir.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "But a man is sitting on the well."

2007-01-26 18:28:39 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

i keep having dreams that i am shooting eskimos. they yell somethhing out in eskimo and boom i blast them. do u think i have eskimo issues.

2007-01-26 18:13:35 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you were walking 2 miles per hour and the tread mill is spinning at a rate of 1.9 miles per hour (treadmill 3 meters long and you are at the start of it). how long would it take you to walk the whole lenght of the treadmill.

2007-01-26 18:12:08 · 6 answers · asked by Keith B 4

2007-01-26 17:53:10 · 8 answers · asked by ღρяσυ∂ мυѕℓιмαнღ 2

A Hindu, a rabbi & a lawyer are travelling together. They stop at a farmhouse & ask to spend the night.
The farmer says he only has room for two & one will have to sleep in the barn.
The Hindu says, "OK, I'll go to the barn". A few minutes later, he comes back & says, "There's a cow in the barn. Cows are sacred & I can't sleep with a sacred animal."
So, the rabbi agrees to sleep in the barn. He returns in a few minutes, explaining, "There's a pig in the barn. Pigs are unclean & my beliefs won't allow me to sleep with an unclean animal."
Finally, the lawyer agrees to go to the barn. A few minutes later, there's a knock at the door and...

2007-01-26 17:47:49 · 7 answers · asked by WillyC 5

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.

He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

2007-01-26 17:34:44 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous