Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

Oh come on, just a little...

2006-12-04 18:58:03 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

How doYou make copper wire?

Throw a penny between two Jews!


Why did the Jews walk through a desert for fourty years?

One of them lost a quarter!

2006-12-04 18:49:08 · 5 answers · asked by Marin S 2

You are in a dark room...you need to pull out a pair of matching socks. You have 17 blue socks and 17 black socks in the drawer. What is the least amount of socks you need to take out of the drawer to make a match?

2006-12-04 18:43:21 · 16 answers · asked by lexkywildcats 1

if we are here to help others.. what are others here for..
if the trees have branches why do banks have one if they dont have any leaves..
why is there no ham in the hamburger....

2006-12-04 18:13:31 · 10 answers · asked by jun_matsumoto_gokus3n 2

2006-12-04 18:07:30 · 10 answers · asked by pinky 1

2006-12-04 18:01:11 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Last time, we saw this following riddle:

Why did the thief wanted to play baseball?
A: He wanted to steal bases!

Hehhe... And here is today's riddle:

Why did the polar bear go to the south pole?

Have fun! :)

2006-12-04 17:43:07 · 12 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

A hiker comes across a cabin in the woods. All inside are dead. Nobody murdered anybody and nobody committed suicide. What happened?

2006-12-04 17:41:50 · 13 answers · asked by queensassey 4

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have
been
developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."



MALE PROCEDURE:



1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

***********************************************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:



1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up, pull forward, back up and so forth and
repeat as many times as required to align car window with the ATM
machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to
locate
bank card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its
excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way with magnetic strip pointing the
way the little picture indicates.


10. Dig through handbag and examine each receipt to see if
PIN# is written there. Finally, search through phone book to find your
PIN
written on the inside of the back page.

11. Enter PIN into ATM machine .

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash
inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place
receipt
in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card
into the slot provided.

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind
you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

2006-12-04 17:40:37 · 11 answers · asked by kevnbn 2

<< What should I do? >>

I'm a cataract patient.

My ophthalmologist performed a surgical operation on both of my eyes.

I put on shields.

I said to my daughter the next morning,

"I feel so bad! I'm giong to see my doctor".

Then she said to me,

"Don't lie to me. You can't see anything now!"

2006-12-04 17:40:08 · 5 answers · asked by Iamman 1

because they fall threw the holes in his hand

2006-12-04 17:37:20 · 4 answers · asked by karen h 1

2006-12-04 17:33:37 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

just three nails

2006-12-04 17:31:40 · 5 answers · asked by karen h 1

because he got nailed into the boards

2006-12-04 17:24:49 · 10 answers · asked by karen h 1

This is a nasty one but my brothers boyfriends laugh, my brother not so much.
Ok, two gay guys are making man love. they are going at it, when the first gay guy relizes he has to go pee. So he says " hey hon I have got to go to the bathroom I will be right back! Whatever you do don't finish the job yourself!"
The second gay guy says " Don't worry hon I wont just hurry back to me!'
So the first gay guy runs into the bathroom takes a piss and comes right back out. When he get back into the room their is C_M all over the walls. He then says " I thought I told you NOT to finnish the job yourself?"
So his partner replies " I didn't.... I swear!"
So the first guy then asks "then what happened?"
He replies " Well, you see I uhhh.......I farted!"

2006-12-04 17:22:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

This guy goes into a supermarket and this old lady is staring at him in a sad way. Through out the store the old lady is there wherever he turns! She is sad and still staring at him. Then the guy goes to purchase his things. The old lady is in front of him!

She says," My son died a few years ago. You look so much like him. On the way out of the store I'll wave and can you say "Bye Mom" for me?"

The guy feels sorry for her so he agrees.

As the lady waves, he shouts, "Bye Mom!".

When he is getting ringed up the cashier says, "That will be $567.65 sir."

He says, "How can it be that much? I'm only buying 7 things!"

The cashier replies, "Your mom said that you'd pay."

2006-12-04 17:22:10 · 6 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

sheet ,sleath,sweep,sleath,sweep,sleep,sheep,sleath,sleep.....3X
read it clearly...

2006-12-04 17:19:02 · 8 answers · asked by jun_matsumoto_gokus3n 2

can you guess?

2006-12-04 17:18:13 · 7 answers · asked by deborah_012003 3

Anything, am so bored and cant sleep.

2006-12-04 17:10:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.
I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

NEVER going back to that doctor ever!!

2006-12-04 17:05:12 · 16 answers · asked by Whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr 2

On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, and another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfillment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; but how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't getting laid either.

2006-12-04 17:03:55 · 4 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

your choice

Long Gone


I wake up every morning
And before long
I realize that
You are long gone

I wasted my time
I thought we were tight
But know you left me
With out a fight

I was mopy
I was sad
And I realize
I should be glad

Your long gone for a reason
You were never meant to stay
We would never last
Any way

2006-12-04 17:03:24 · 4 answers · asked by Lion_Luver 1

2006-12-04 17:00:32 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."

2006-12-04 16:59:37 · 8 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

i want afunny answer

2006-12-04 16:57:39 · 6 answers · asked by Steven S 1

2006-12-04 16:54:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Did you know that the tooth brush was invented in West Virginia?

2006-12-04 16:50:03 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-04 16:45:22 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are five houses in five different colors starting from left to right. In each house lives a person of a different nationality. These owners all drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigarette and keep a certain type of pet. No two owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand or drink the same beverage. The question is: WHO OWNS THE PET GOLD FISH??? Hints:

2006-12-04 16:36:31 · 15 answers · asked by KEITH A 2

I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told hubby that I would be home by midnight, "I promise." Well, the hours passed & the margaritas went down way to easy. Around 3a.m. a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the cuckoo clock in the hall started up & cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing hubby would wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed.....3 cuckoos + 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = midnight.) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in & I told him "midnight." He didn't seem upset at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh ****", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

2006-12-04 16:35:54 · 13 answers · asked by zaazzy 4