Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous snakes?"

The other replied, "You're darn right we're poisonous! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"

To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue."

2006-12-04 21:55:05 · 6 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

2006-12-04 21:47:32 · 6 answers · asked by wingsme 1

One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after she had a little too much to drink at a party. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat. Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window.

They arrived at the theater a short time later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, "Honey, have you seen my other shoe?"

2006-12-04 21:46:54 · 17 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

One night Paddy runs into a bar feeling as though he is going to explode.

He runs up to the bartender and asks where the bathroom is. He says upstairs, first door on your right.

So the man runs up the stairs and can't remember what the bartender said.

He thinks if he goes to ask again he might not make it. So he looks around and sees a hole in the floor.

Feeling daring, he pulls down his trousers and heaves out a dump. When he returns, everybody except the bartender is gone. He asks where everyone went.

The bartender replies, "where were you when the 5hit the fan?"

2006-12-04 21:37:31 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Man goes into a cocktail bar and approaches maxine sitting by herself.
Man says: May i buy you a cocktail?
Maxine says: No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs.
Man: Sorry to hear that. do they swell?
maxine: No they open.

2006-12-04 21:34:28 · 14 answers · asked by ? 2

Can you explain why is this anazing or weird>? Or why shoul I read it twice?

http://www.optillusions.com/dp/1-5.htm

2006-12-04 21:33:19 · 4 answers · asked by celia3018 3

*the door locks behind you there are 3 doors in front of you that lead out.
door1 is full of lions that havn't been feed for 5months
door2 has traps that shoot you if you enter
door3 has falling bombs
which door do you choose to go through??

2006-12-04 21:28:55 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-04 21:19:29 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A girl goes into a bar.
She says, "Bartender, give me a triple Jack Daniel's."
He gives her a triple Jack Daniel's, and she belts it down. She has five more in a row, belts them all down, passes out dead drunk,
and everybody in the bar f---s her.
The next night, she walks into the bar, and says, "Bartender, give me a triple Jack Daniel's."
He gives her a triple Jack Daniel's, and she belts it down. She has five more in a row, belts them all down, passes out dead drunk,
and everybody in the bar f---s her again.
The next night, she walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a triple Tequila."
He says, "I thought you drank Jack Daniel's."
She says, "Not any more. Jack Daniel's makes my pu--y sore."

2006-12-04 21:18:59 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Boss to his secretary: " miss soniya! you are very late to the office explain it."
Sonia : " Sir....! Actually a young man was following me?
Boss : "Is it any excuse?"
Sonia : "It is Sir....he was walking very slowly!"

2006-12-04 21:13:17 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-04 21:13:05 · 21 answers · asked by saumil 1

>There are 7 girls in a bus.
>
>Each girl has 7 bags.
>
>Each bag has 7 big cats.
>
>Each big cat has 7 small cats.
>
>How many nipples are there in the bus?
>Note: each cat has 7 nipples.

2006-12-04 21:04:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's illegal to talk to a Kangaroo if you don't have an Australian accent?

2006-12-04 20:39:08 · 33 answers · asked by markhatter 6

If you are a Dyslexic Atheist who suffers from Insomnia do you lay awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog.

2006-12-04 20:29:52 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

on a deserted island for three months with two men whom she didn't know, shame for her carnal actions overcame the young lady and she took the only gun they had and killed herself. One month later, shame descended on the men also, and they took the only shovel they had and buried her.

2006-12-04 20:18:51 · 6 answers · asked by Overrated 5

2006-12-04 20:15:28 · 14 answers · asked by ckoisdelir 3

Does anybody know the track with those lyrics?
"Party under moonlight, dance 'til sunrise"

Its some dance / trance / rave tune I can't get out of my head.
Someone said it may be by DJ Tiesto or Armun Van Buuren but I'm not sure.

Or if you know a good website / forum where I can ask I'd be happy to know.

2006-12-04 20:14:27 · 5 answers · asked by Hermun 2

A man walks into his local bar with a big grin on his face. The barman asks why are you so happy ?

The man says well last night when I left here drunk I was wobbling home down by the railway when I saw this woman tied to the tracks. I ran down as fast as I could and rescued her. It was great we made love all night. Wow said the barman did you get a bj ? No said the man I never found the head !!

2006-12-04 20:09:27 · 15 answers · asked by Jexf 2

i am ran out of funny books and comics. can you tell me some real life joke with the children? thank a lot in advance.

2006-12-04 20:08:40 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Please note this is in the jokes and riddles category.

2006-12-04 20:07:09 · 5 answers · asked by Calvin James Hammer 6

These three guys were in the sauna talking to each other about technology. The Englishman says: Yes Isn't technology great ? I have this tiny computer under my skin. I just touch my wrist and I can check my emails. Thats great said the Jap. I have the latest mobile phone built into my ear. I never miss a call and its totally invisible. Not to be out done the Irishman stands up with some toilet paper hanging out of his ***. Would you look at that I've got a fax coming in !!

2006-12-04 20:02:26 · 20 answers · asked by Jexf 2

2006-12-04 19:56:00 · 3 answers · asked by flavorlicious 2

There are four people who need to cross a river. There is only one boat present and it can only hold the maximum of two people at a time and at least one person must man the boat at all times. Meaning, Two people must cross the river, one stays on the other side and the other comes back. The four people are represented by the number of minutes it would take them to cross the river: 1, 2, 5, and 10. When two people go together, it takes the time of the larger number. For instance, If person who takes 1 minute to cross and the person who takes 10 minutes to cross go together, it takes 10 minutes for both of them. There is a time limit of 17 minutes to get all four people across, in what order do the people travel to get all four across in 17 minutes or less?

2006-12-04 19:37:51 · 14 answers · asked by marcihoeft 1

They bring their ladders for cats what about dogs it is getting cold outside and he won't come down

2006-12-04 19:26:43 · 5 answers · asked by katlady927 6

18 workers can finish the job in 30 days.
They start working but on the 6th day another 9 joins them.
When did they finish the job?

2006-12-04 19:18:43 · 14 answers · asked by Marin S 2

1) A blonde calls 911, and says her house is on fire.
the dispatcher asks her where her house is
the blonde says she doesn't know
the dispatcher, getting frustrated with her says, Well how are we supposed to get there?
the blonde says Well DUH! Big red truck!
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2) How do you make Anti-freeze?
Take away her blanket.
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3) You do know why a blonde can't make ice cubes, don't you? She doesn't have the recipe!
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4) Q. How can you tell if a blond has been using your word processor?
A. All the white out on the screen.

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5) I'm blond and I'm not bothered by blond jokes because I know that a person's hair color has nothing to do with how smart a person is. I just graduated from high school on Saturday with honors and I have already taken college courses while still in high school. I am blond but I'm by no means dumb.
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6) Why did the blonde get confused in the the
bathroom?
She is not used to pulling her own pants down.

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2006-12-04 19:17:11 · 9 answers · asked by imran n 3

A mother took her baby daughter to get both of their ears pierced. The child got her ears pierced, but the mother was unable to have hers done because it was against the law...why?

2006-12-04 19:15:10 · 6 answers · asked by єЖтяα ¢яιѕρψ 6

So nurses can pick them up 5 at a time !!!

2006-12-04 19:11:49 · 12 answers · asked by EWE ANCHOR 3

Two Priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals. One of them
looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicobate patch on
it.

He turns to the other Priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to
put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis."

The other one replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to 2 butts a
day."

2006-12-04 19:05:43 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

(((((((((((Ring-g-g-g-g)))))))))))

***pick up***

"Hello?"

"Hi, honey, this is Daddy," .... "Is your Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Unc'a Frank,"
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle
Frank, honey!"
"Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy right now!"
"Uh, Okay, then......here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run
upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank
that Daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

"Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?" he asks.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming, then
she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's
all dead."

"Oh my God!!!!! And what about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he
jumped out the back
window into the swimming pool.....but he must have forgot that last
week you took out all the
water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's
all
real dead too."

***long pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool???? Is this 555-7039?
"No! This is 555-7093" the little girl said.
"Damn, I must have dialled the wrong number!"

2006-12-04 19:01:53 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous