i am ran out of funny books and comics. can you tell me some real life joke with the children? thank a lot in advance.
2006-12-04 20:08:40 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
My lil 3 year old son recently discovered "chewing gum" ... so upon his first chew, I kept telling him "now don't you swallow that gum, you have to keep chewing it"... then 3 minutes later, I checked to see if he still had the gum in his mouth, which he did... Then a few minutes later, I checked again, to which he replied that it was "All Gone", and that he wanted more... I told him that I wasn't going to give him any more because he had already swallowed the first piece... to which he replied, "mommy, I didn't swallow my gum, I didn't, because mommy, I ATE it !!!"... LOL... Needless to say, I had to give him another piece because his response cracked me up so bad!
Another one....
A few months ago, my lil then 4 year old daughter decided to spend the night at my parents house... to which her grandmother ended up bringing her back home at nearly midnight indicating that my daughter just wouldn't go to sleep... After my mother left, I asked my daughter why she couldn't sleep at grandma's house... to which she replied, "I couldn't sleep there because grandma smells like poots"... referring to the Ben-Gay menthol creme that my parents apply at night for their various aches and pains!!! LOL... Since then, my parents don't apply any sort of creme on nights that they have our kids, for fear they'll be labelled "SMELLY POOTS"!!!
2006-12-04 20:45:04 · answer #1 · answered by loststream 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ROSWELL: THE SECRET REVEALED! New thought approximately the Flying Saucer incident Many will keep in mind that on July eight, 1947, witnesses claimed that an Unidentified Flying Object with 5 extraterrestrial beings aboard crashed onto a sheep-livestock ranch simply external Roswell, New Mexico. it is a recognized incident that many say has lengthy been blanketed up by means of the U.S. Air Force and the Federal Government. However, you may also NOT recognise that within the month of March, 1948, precisely 9 months after that old day, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr., Hillary rodham, John F. Kerry, William Jefferson Clinton, Charles Schummer, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Diane Feinstein, and Barbara Boxer have been born. See what occurs if you have extraterrestrial beings breed with sheep? This little bit of understanding would possibly resolve plenty of matters!
2016-09-03 12:23:09 · answer #2 · answered by stufflebeam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First
Santas Gifts
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a
$20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there.Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humouring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Another one
10 husbands, but still a virgin.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
THIRD
A really really bad day.
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
2006-12-04 20:10:30 · answer #3 · answered by Viren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋