Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

What's the best prank you've ever played on someone? What's the worst you've had played on you?

I'm not sure what the best prank I've played would be, but the funniest was when I was maybe nine, or so I told my cousin Kim I was gonna take Baby Kitty ((they're cat obviously)) and all of her kittens, and she believed me and she went into the bath room crying...:D It was mean, but soo funny!! She was 14 at the time...lol

***Abby***

2006-12-07 06:54:32 · 4 answers · asked by A.J. 4

A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey. "Bartender, one shot of whiskey please! I'm celebrating my first bl0w j0b!"
Bartender says,"Congratulations friend, let me get one more for you...on the house!"
"Nah, thats ok." replied the man, " If the first one won't wash the taste out of my mouth, I don't think a second will help..."

2006-12-07 06:52:58 · 9 answers · asked by ExpertOfNothing 3

Looking for the funniest response.

2006-12-07 06:51:30 · 15 answers · asked by Thatoneguy 3

2006-12-07 06:49:08 · 15 answers · asked by just_another_rainy_day 1

Why three beers says the bartender
Thats because when i was back home I always bought three beers for my two brothers and I at this time..so I just do the same since I am now alone in USA. I drink mine and theirs too.
This continues for a month then on day he orders two beers
The bartender sez to him...whats up one of your brothers died?
Nope says the Irishman..its me...I've stopped drinking.

2006-12-07 06:36:29 · 20 answers · asked by reggaekid 2

Shall I tell them to let go?

2006-12-07 06:30:57 · 36 answers · asked by Polo 7

they both get sucked off in bogs.

2006-12-07 06:30:03 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Herman was a lonely, lonely man so he decided life would be more fun
if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet shop and told the owner he wanted to buy an
unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede which came in a
little white box. He took the box back home, and decided he would
start off by taking his new pet to the pub for a drink.
So he asked the centipede in the box "Would you like to go to the
King's Head with me and have a beer?"
But there was no answer!
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then he asked
again.

"How about going to the pub and having a drink with me?"
But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
He decided to ask him once more; this time putting his face up against
the centipede's house and shouting:

" HEY YOU IN THERE. WOULD YOU LIKE GO

TO THE KING'S HEAD AND HAVE A DRINK WITH ME?"

A little voice came out of the box.....

"I heard you the first time. I'm putting my f#cking shoes on!!!"

2006-12-07 06:26:28 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

what majestic trees
what powerful rivers
what beautiful animals he said to himself.
As he was walking along the riverside he heard a rustling from the bushes, he turned and saw a 7ft grizzly bear charge towards him.He ran as fast as he could up the path, the bear began to chase him, he looked over his shoulder and the bear was closing in, he tripped and fell. the bear was on top of him and it lifted its right paw to strike,at that instance the atheist cried out
"OH MY GOD"
time stopped
the bear froze
the forest was silent, a bright light shone on the man and a voice came from the sky."You deny my existence all these years and teach others i dont exist. am i to count you as a believer."
It would be hypocritical to ask you to count me as a christian but maybe you could make the bear a christian." "very well" said the voice.The light went out, the forest resumed,
the bear bought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke,Lord bless this food for which i am about to recieve

2006-12-07 06:25:05 · 21 answers · asked by chris w. 7

2006-12-07 06:20:54 · 9 answers · asked by Cito 3

Only two.....but the real question is how they managed to get in there in the first place???????

2006-12-07 06:10:53 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A person asked this on a late night television show and I just wanted to see what people thought.

2006-12-07 06:09:56 · 22 answers · asked by Cito 3

So i went into a shop and and said can someone sell me a KETTLE, "Kenwood" said the lady.
Then where is he i replyed.....


Me and my mate about to play darts, nearest the bull goes first i said, he went baaa, i went mooo, you go first he said...



I saw a monkey in the jungle with a tin opener, i said you don't need a tin opener to open a banana, "no its for the custard " he said.

2006-12-07 06:09:53 · 14 answers · asked by ? 4

A young man called Paul invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome
Paul's flatmate, Simon, was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Paul and his flatmate than met the eye.

Reading his mums thoughts, Paul volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Simon & I are just flatmates".

About a week later, Simon came to Paul saying, "Ever since your
Mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?" "Well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure" said Paul.

So he sat down and wrote:

2006-12-07 06:08:02 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims,'' may the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'' The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies: '' no tanks, I'll just wait till the Garda get here!''

2006-12-07 06:00:23 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-07 05:59:01 · 9 answers · asked by flavorlicious 2

Anybody here go to different schools with me????

2006-12-07 05:48:05 · 6 answers · asked by joewillyneckbone 2

Two best friends Mo and Jo to identify the body.
Mo took one look and said Nope that aint Bubba.
Jo took one look and said Nope that aint Bubba.
The sherriff asked how are you so sure
Mo said everyone know Bubba had two A** Holes
Really? said the sherriff
Yup said Mo. everytime we came into twon everyone always said here comes Bubba with his two A** Holes

2006-12-07 05:46:40 · 11 answers · asked by reggaekid 2

On the other hand........ do you have different fingers?

2006-12-07 05:44:19 · 7 answers · asked by joewillyneckbone 2

if someone told you they were going to make you "bite the curb", would you just beat the hell out of them? Or would you just laugh and walk away. If backing down does that make you look like a puss? cause i have no problem bashing her head in, but i want to see other peoples oppinons on this.

2006-12-07 05:38:05 · 5 answers · asked by Jessica Paige 1

Jimmy John was walking into town one day wearing nothing but his gun and his boots.

Just as he began walking down Main Street he was confronted by the Sheriff.

"Hey, Jimmy John, ya mind if I ask you what you are doin' walkin' down Main Street wearin' nothin' but your gunbelt and boots?"

"Well Sheriff, it's a long story."

"I ain't going nowhere", said the Sheriff.

"Well Sheriff, a couple hours ago I ran into Mandy Jo in the saloon.

We had ourselves a couple of drinks and then we started feelin' kinda frisky, and Mandy Jo said, 'Why don't we go out to the barn?' So we did.

Then we started getting real close and cuddlin' and smoochin' and Mandy Jo said, 'Why don't we go out back and go up to the top of the hill.'

So we did." He continued, "We started cuddlin' and smoochin' some more and the next thing I know, Mandy Jo had taken off all her clothes, and she suggested that I do the same.

2006-12-07 05:37:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along.

When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample." The old man, being hard-of-hearing, looks at his wife and yells, "What? What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back "He needs your underwear!"

2006-12-07 05:32:45 · 7 answers · asked by AnneMaria 3

So i hit Batman with a Vase, (T'PAU)
He said do you mean(KAPOW)
I said no i've got CHINA IN MY HAND!!!!!


Think about it..

2006-12-07 05:21:58 · 22 answers · asked by ? 4

"I DONT LIKE BRUSSELS "

2006-12-07 05:19:10 · 6 answers · asked by jonova2003 3

Mr. GorgeousFluffpot has been down to the sweetshop today and came back with a bag of jelly babies and some questions. He asks: You buy a big pink gobstopper and suck it for a moment, take it out of your mouth and it's green, and then yellow, etc. You get bored and stop checking after a while but how many layers of colour ARE there? And how do they put the colours in the sweet in order? Ooooh, while we're at it, how do they get names into sticks of rock?
Please answer this as Mr. GorgeousFluffpot will worry about this question all night and get indigestion from too many jelly babies!

2006-12-07 05:02:09 · 10 answers · asked by gorgeousfluffpot 5

A cowboy leaves the town on thursday,
He rides on Friday to the next town,
He gets there on Saturday,
He stays one night in the hotel of the next town,
and leaves on monday.

How is this possible?

2006-12-07 04:49:44 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-07 04:40:55 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
2. You name your children Eudora, Aol and Dotcom.
3. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
4. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
5. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
6. You laugh at people with 28.8 KBPS- modems.
7. You start using smileys in your snail mail.
8. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
9. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
10. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
11. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
12. You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are, because
they have neutral screennames and you never bothered to ask.
13. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
14. You tell the cab driver you live at http://www.edison~ /garden/house/ brick.html
to a friend.
15. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
16. After reading this message, you immediately E-mail it

2006-12-07 04:40:06 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-07 04:38:54 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

An young Japanese girl was trained customarily by her mother that after
marriage she should always please her husband and never annoy him.

Well, after first night of their wedding, in the morning the girl got out of
the bed after making intense love the night before.

She bent down the pick the clothes of her husband's clothes on the floor who
was awake, and uncontrollably let out a big fart.

Ashamedly she looked up towards husband and said:,"Ahhs me so sowrwy...
excuse prease, front hole so happy back hole laugh out loud."

2006-12-07 04:36:48 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous