Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

It's something my friend asked me

2006-12-12 11:11:13 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

i mean c'mon thats pretty wimpy! lol

2006-12-12 11:07:14 · 9 answers · asked by 1251 2

I'm working on a great joke. After my creation is finished, I will tell it to everyone I know. I then hope it will sweep the world. Then some day, maybe a famous comedian will tell it. Maybe, it will be on the list of 100 greatest jokes ever told. Like most jokes, they won't know who originally told it. However, I will have the satisfaction of knowing it was MY creation. So I'm curious, have you ever successfully created a joke that has became known around the world ? If so, which one ?

2006-12-12 11:06:40 · 5 answers · asked by Count Acumen 5

What time would it be if somthing said, "a new one will be posted, on mon. @ 2'oclock pacific time" what time would it be eastern time?

2006-12-12 11:06:00 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

i just want to hear some dirty jokes.. and just for having to open this i will tell you one or two..okay first one, why did raggidy ann get tossed out of the toy box? because they found her sitting on pinohcios's face saying lie to me, lie to me..you get it cause his nose grows?...sorry if u didn't! thanks for your time and joke if u leave one!

2006-12-12 11:02:50 · 8 answers · asked by ~broken~ 3

What's the difference between a black man and a car tyre?
A car tyre dosen't start singing if you put chains on it.

2006-12-12 10:59:08 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis:
The Wife said she was sleeping.
The Cook was cooking breakfast.
The Gardener was picking vegetables.
The Maid was getting the mail.
The Butler was cleaning the closet.

The police instantly arrested the murdered. Who did it and how did they know?

2006-12-12 10:57:12 · 21 answers · asked by Heather B 4

Riddle me this, Riddle me that.Here is my riddle.......
I can be brown,black,orwhite
with black,brown or white spots.
you see me out in fields
and u eat me alot.

2006-12-12 10:50:46 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-12 10:47:27 · 14 answers · asked by mar-mar-mariah 2

a riddle. part of this sound, you can take on a picnic. part of this sound turns to keep it together. what is it?

2006-12-12 10:46:23 · 7 answers · asked by jeff w 1

We play around on each other. We always play tiny jokes, but now thier jokes aren't too funny and kinda seem cruel to me. I can't stand it any more, they can sometimes get on my nerves! But when I leave the table we sit at they follow me to my other friends and annoy me to come back. I wanna hang out with them, as long as they stop playing these tricks. I told them about this they said it was a joke but i still felt unsatisfactory. What should I do? Should I remain their friends or leave them? Should I see the guidance counslor about this or what? Helkp me please!!!

2006-12-12 10:44:38 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

How did Dairy Queen become pregnant?





Burger King forgot to wrap his Whopper!

2006-12-12 10:42:03 · 11 answers · asked by macloveskingtut 3

11 the alphabet

2006-12-12 10:39:14 · 28 answers · asked by gwendolynn 1

I made this joke up myself. Your the first ones in the world to read it. Tell me if you think it's funny. Here's the joke: What do you get when you cross ducks with crackers ?...............Answer: quackers!

2006-12-12 10:32:06 · 7 answers · asked by Count Acumen 5

sorry, i left out the last part in my last question. n_n'' So... does anyone know the answer?(and if you know, could you tell me how to edit a question; I'm new)

2006-12-12 10:23:25 · 11 answers · asked by Jordan 2

2006-12-12 10:22:21 · 6 answers · asked by gwendolynn 1

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the *** and having the balls to say: "You're next, Babe."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

2006-12-12 10:22:03 · 12 answers · asked by chris b 4

What am I?

2006-12-12 10:18:13 · 8 answers · asked by theburlaces 3

2006-12-12 10:16:32 · 8 answers · asked by theburlaces 3

A man walked up to a farm house and knocks on the door. When a woman opened the door, the man ask if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, though, the man knocked, and asked the same question. Not amused, the woman screamed at him and told him to leave.

Later that evening, the woman told her husband of the incident. He said he'd stay home the following day just in case the man returned.

Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door. When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex, she replied, "Sure, I do! Why do you ask?"

"Good," said the man at the door, "give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep away from my wife!"

2006-12-12 10:13:37 · 41 answers · asked by jennusula 1

2006-12-12 10:11:09 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a box in the barn that had nine ears of corn inside. Every night, a mouse would come and take three ears out of the box. If this was so, why did it take him nine nights to empty the box?

2006-12-12 10:04:14 · 16 answers · asked by Ignacia 2

There is a little white boy with an all white family playing outside in the mud.
He rolls around and realizes he is covered in mud.He goes inside and tells his mom "Look mom I'm black." She says come here. He went and she whooped him.
She said go tell your dad what you did.
He went to his dad and said "Look dad i'm black." He said come here and he started to whoop him. Go to your grandma and tell her what you did. The grandma did the same thing. He went back to his mom and she asked "What have you learned today?" The boy said "I've been black for five minutes and I already hate you white basterds!!!"

2006-12-12 10:03:26 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks up to a woman in his office every day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her manager. Without identifying the guy, she tells her boss what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him. The manager is puzzled by this approach, and asks,

"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies, "It's Dave, the midget."

2006-12-12 09:52:43 · 17 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

A married couple are driving along the highway doing a steady fourty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband abruptly looks across at her, speaking in a clear voice, and says "Darling, I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeping her eyes on the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45mph. The husband speaks again, saying this time: "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55mph. He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he demands. Up to 60mph. "I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph! "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards, the boat, and our dog!"

The car slowly begins veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a little nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"

At last the wife replies, in a quiet and controlled voice:

"No, I've got everything I need." she says.

"Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what exactly have you got?

Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and says:

"The airbag."

2006-12-12 09:33:20 · 33 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table.

One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the bank to the floor where it smashes.

To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills.

He asks his wife what's up.

"Well," she replied, "Not everyone is as cheap as you are."

2006-12-12 09:29:45 · 20 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

what would happen if you buttered the back of a cat and dropped it out of a window?

2006-12-12 09:28:05 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-12 09:27:29 · 11 answers · asked by tracyduxbury 1

1 A woman has 7 children, and exactly half of them are boys. How is this possible?



2 A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3 You are lost in the woods and you haven't had any food for weeks. You happen to come upon a cabin. You have a match. You go inside and you see a stove, a lantern, and a candle. Which do light first?

2006-12-12 09:15:09 · 21 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

crowded elevators and crowded subways smell different to midgets??

2006-12-12 09:10:19 · 16 answers · asked by al p 3