Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

You pull up to an intersection in your car one rainy evening and you observe three people waiting at a bus stop. The 1st person is the old lady who lives next door, the 2nd is your friend who has saved your life before and the 3rd is the woman/man of your dreams (as the case maybe). You have only one free seat in your car, what do you do?

2006-12-12 17:48:01 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word 'P--IS' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word 'P--IS' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

2006-12-12 17:47:31 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy is driving out in the middle of nowhere, very lost. Finally he spots 2 houses so he goes up to the first house and looks in the door way. He sees an old lady yanking on her boobs and an old man jerking off. He is so freaked out that he goes to the next house and says "What's up with your neighbors?" and the owner of the house says "Oh that’s the Robinson’s, they're both deaf. She's telling him to go milk the cow and he's telling her to go f--k herself!"

2006-12-12 17:39:26 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."

2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."

3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"

4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"

5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"

6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"

7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

2006-12-12 17:37:25 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

For some unknown reason, today i was daydreaming about being on a ship in the middle of the ocean. Suddenly, I imagined that a crate of apples fell off the ship and crashed open as it hit the water. The apples floated lazily all over the surface. As my daydream continued, I wondered "what kinds of sea animals eat apples!?"

2006-12-12 17:36:59 · 6 answers · asked by Michael JB 3

why did the monkey cross the road? to git dat chiken an git his grub on! why did the chicken cross the road? to get away from that hungry monkey

2006-12-12 17:36:50 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a bl0w job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

2006-12-12 17:34:05 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

I bring a fart machine to just about every time I go to the movie theater...? I get there early enough to attach it to the bottom of a miscellanious chair using duck tape. I've been using the new improve louder machine.

Anyways, during quiet moments in the movie....I let it loose and the crowd goes wild.....lol.

I've lost a few machines, but I usually can retrieve them after the show...

Am I wrong to do this...?

2006-12-12 17:04:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

FINISHED FILES ARE THE
RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC
STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS

2006-12-12 16:56:35 · 22 answers · asked by honeysuckle 3

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs!

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!


Interesting isn't it?

2006-12-12 16:53:23 · 22 answers · asked by honeysuckle 3

A girl had a operation and lost a lot of blood. So her boyfriend gives her his blood. When the couple breaks up, he demands his blood back. She pulls out her used tampon and says "here you go"

2006-12-12 16:52:16 · 24 answers · asked by cutiepy983 4

A Japanese man goes to a U.S.-Japanese bank to exchange some Japanese yen for U.S. dollars. He receives $65 for 2000 yen.

A year later, he goes back to the same bank with 2000 yen again, but only gets $62 this time. The man asks why the price went down.

The American clerk replied, "Fluctuation."

The Japanese man, furious, says, "Well fluck you Amellicans, too!"

2006-12-12 16:51:10 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-12 16:22:53 · 15 answers · asked by danielfromtexas 2

I hope you both enjoy and get this joke.


How do you tell an A chromosome from a B chromosome?










Pull down their genes.

2006-12-12 16:09:52 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

How did they do it

2006-12-12 16:06:42 · 5 answers · asked by sabrina_brookman 3

Ok here is one for you people who like to figure things out. My yahoo ID is eca1094 the first person who can correctly figure out what it stands for will get my best answer for 10 points.

2006-12-12 16:02:46 · 13 answers · asked by eca1094 3

Do you know why New Changi Hospital (NCH) changed its name to Changi General Hospital (CGH)?

Because NCH stands for "Never Come Home".
That's why business was very bad before it changed its name.
Now CGH stands for "Can Go Home".
So business is picking up.

Business in Singapore General Hospital (SGH) is still going strong because SGH stands for "Sure Go Home"!

Now National University Hospital (NUH) is also considering a name change.
It stands for "No Use Hospital"!

What about Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH)?
Not too good a name, no wonder so much problem.
It stands for "Tiam Tiam Si Hospital" and now "Tan Teo SARs Hospital".

So, be careful of choosing which hospital to go if anyone is unwell.

2006-12-12 15:58:37 · 5 answers · asked by Jadess 2

A doctor had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty the next day. No matter how hard he tried to forget about it, his shame and sense of betraal were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear a reassuraning voice in his head that said, "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients."
But then he would hear another voice, one that jolted him back to reality. "You are a sick bastard," it whispered, "and a terrible veterinarian."

2006-12-12 15:48:04 · 13 answers · asked by aceloak 1

The big moron and the little moron are sitting on a bridge over the river. The big moron falls off. Why didn't the little moron fall off too?

2006-12-12 15:43:29 · 15 answers · asked by Jack S 5

can anyone tell me the origin of this saying?

2006-12-12 15:40:22 · 4 answers · asked by Mystee_Rain 5

were looking at the dark stormy sky and
Grumpy said it looks like snow
Doc held out his hand and said it feels like snow
Doc held two fingers under his nose and said,
"It smells like Snow."

2006-12-12 15:39:01 · 11 answers · asked by al p 3

What am I?

I only come once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years.

2006-12-12 15:37:16 · 27 answers · asked by The "Dony" 3

When it's gone bad and flat i hate it but when it's fresh and fizzy i love to taste it.what am i talking about?

2006-12-12 15:32:01 · 30 answers · asked by Poker Face 6

2006-12-12 15:13:24 · 3 answers · asked by mantrix 2

I'm thinking of an object


It starts out long, hard and dry.



Then it goes in and gets tossed and turned



Then when it comes out it's soft and wet.



What is it?????






















Bubblegum you sicko

2006-12-12 15:07:53 · 13 answers · asked by Wocka wocka 6

What is the thing that

the person who made it doesn't want it

the person who bought it doesn't use it

and the person who use it can't see it.... XD

2006-12-12 15:03:34 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

What I'm holding is very touchy.

*What I'm holding once inspired a song.

*What I'm holding has it's own special spot.

*OJ or Orange -
I can not tell.
Without this, it's too dark to tell.
Think about this clue, be clever, and you will do well.

*Some got it and some don't - But never doubt it, it's what you all want.

*I may be angry and mean, but what I'm holding can cause a fight without even being seen.

*Just about anybody can takit it-
The hard part is trying to make it.

*What I'm holding is so small can hide it in my little Elf hand -
if I do it right.

*If you're not specific, I'll have to tell you NO-
So be specific, because I told you so!

any help will be appreciated

2006-12-12 15:01:52 · 10 answers · asked by Brenda T 1

I can be this, and you can be this. And, yes, we can be this. He can't be this and she can't be this. And no, they can't be this. Dogs can't be this, but cats can. And a kitten can't be this, but a puppy can. Givers can't be this, but beggars can. And humility can't be this, but greed can. Not even peace can be this, but fear can. What is "this?"

2006-12-12 15:00:33 · 7 answers · asked by Heather B 4

CNN just did a show where people were tested on how they view dark vs light skinned people. The people were surprised at the results. it is a Harvard test and you can take the test at

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/selectatest.jsp

or if you are the mistrusting type you can find it at
CNN.com/paula

Do you dare to see if you are as liberal as you think?

Have fun and I hope you don't disappoint yourself.

2006-12-12 14:59:50 · 5 answers · asked by al p 3

The first surgeon, from New York, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second surgeon, from Chicago, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles, chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers, those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC, shut them all up when he observed, "You are all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no brains, and no spine, and the head and the butt are interchangeable."

What do you think???

2006-12-12 14:58:58 · 7 answers · asked by Melissa 5