Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

*this is not mine*

a blonde went to her college final exam.
the test was mainly true and false questions.

she didnt know any answers so in desperation she pulled out a penny and did heads and tail! in 30 minutes she was done. but the rest of the class was still working furiously.

later the professor hears her cussing angrily and flipping a coin. he goes up to her and she says i finished my test im just checking the answers!


a blonde crashed with a truck.

the driver got mad and so told her to pull up in a parking lot.
he then got out and drew a circle with a piece of chalk. told her to stand in it and not leave.

he then slashed the tires. she started laughing!

furious he then smashed the window.

she started to laugh even harder.


furious with rage he then smashed all the windshields and locked her car.

she started to laugh like a maniac!

he goes "whats wrong with you!?"

she said "i stepped out of the circle three times when you werent looking!"

2006-12-12 14:55:32 · 16 answers · asked by randomdood 2

2006-12-12 14:54:41 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

and Im standing right behind you..............what would you do?
Spinning back fist, drop kick, etc?
What would you do to me for no particular reason other than standing behind you?

2006-12-12 14:51:40 · 16 answers · asked by cruel 3

You're sitting at a bar, an explosively-dank hole in Funky Town USA.
You have an award that says, most likely to be the character in a riddle . . . looking around your attention finds a small chair with a mobile entity covering it with it's lesser half . . . It speaks, you hear "Glass of water please . . . " You see the bartender examine the seated man for a moment. He then reaches under the counter and pulls out a shotgun point-blank in the man's face. The seated man speaks again "Thank You" he says, and walks out of the bar . . . why did the man get what he needed?

2006-12-12 14:45:52 · 6 answers · asked by Heather B 4

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.


The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and
handed it to the policewoman.

Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back
saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.

2006-12-12 14:40:09 · 17 answers · asked by xoxo 6

Boo!
What's the funniest reaction you can take to this?
Be original and or different.
What's something people wouldn't normally say to stuff like this?

2006-12-12 14:40:00 · 5 answers · asked by cruel 3

a table , and a mirror, how do i get out?

2006-12-12 14:37:02 · 10 answers · asked by dotcombust007 3

*This joke is not mine*

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

2006-12-12 14:34:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

me and my friends are making love letter "its fake" it supposed to be stupid people it s not to hurt just make him laugh heehee haahaa ok i need ur help plz help me

2006-12-12 14:31:14 · 2 answers · asked by confused 2

I do not understand why people are placing such crazy jokes on the internet. They are sick and demented. Is there some new joke book out about dead babies that I don't know about?

2006-12-12 14:25:24 · 7 answers · asked by Jassierra 3

Joke one.

Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other and says, "Wow, it's hot in here!"
The second muffin screams "Ah! Talking muffin!"

Joke two.

A man was walking home one day, and came acrost a women crying, "Shulzt is dead, Shulzt is dead!" Not knowing what to do, he went on his way. He encountered more and more women crying, "Shulzt is dead, Shulzt is dead!"
Again, he kept on his way, until he saw what all the comotion was about.
A man had been run over by a trolly, and had been cut to peices, and in the middle of the tracks, lay a 16 inch dick. Needless to say, even more women were wailing "Shulzt is dead, Shulzt is dead!"
When the man got home he started telling her about what he saw. "Honey, I saw the danmdest thing, a man with a 16 inch dick had been run over with a trolly and cut to bits."
At this, the wife became hystaricall and cried, "Shulzt is dead, Shulzt is dead!"

2006-12-12 14:24:49 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

SEND + MORE = MONEY:
Each letter in the above equation stands for a different number, and each time the same letter appears, it is the same number. What is the only set of numbers that makes this equation correct? This is a moderately hard one.

2006-12-12 14:20:42 · 7 answers · asked by Cincyfan0591 4

You did look didn't you? alright answer this.
Two boys are playing in recess, one boy (boy 1) has a pen and paper, while the other (boy 2) .....just standing there. boy 1 writes down on the paper a question then shortly after, he hands the paper to boy 2. boy 2 is supposed to write "yes" or "no" because the question is about whats going to happen in the next 5 minutes. Then he waits 5 minutes, then gives the paper (with answer) to boy 1. even if boy 2 wrote yes or no, it would be inncorrect. What is boy 1's prediction? real answer will be shown one day before expiration date.

2006-12-12 14:18:31 · 12 answers · asked by First L 1

there is this mexican taqueria (very small and crowded) about the size of a kitchen. and they are always messing up ppls orders and never have enough change. i have a smoke bomb(standard round one) and want to light it off in there just for fun pretty much. how much trouble can i get into with this?

2006-12-12 14:08:22 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

It goes something like

12 apms a bumping
11 something somethings
10 razor phones
9
8
7
6
5 planet wings
3 mercedes benz
2 boxing gloves
and a xbox 360

2006-12-12 14:03:29 · 3 answers · asked by woah 2

It goes up, but at the same time goes down. Up toward the sky, and down toward the ground. It's present tense and past tense too.

What is it?

2006-12-12 13:56:20 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

there are skid marks in fromt of the squirrel

2006-12-12 13:41:22 · 9 answers · asked by way2kewl4u1224 3

A lawyer & a blonde woman happen to be sitting next to each other on a flight from LA to New York. The lawyer leans over to the blonde and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired & just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines & turns over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy & a lot of fun. He explains how the game works. "I ask you a question; &, if you don't know the answer, you pay me & vice-versa." Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer. "Okay, how about this If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; but, if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention and figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

2006-12-12 13:33:16 · 23 answers · asked by »SMiLEY« 4

Can you guess my age?
I watched Get A Long Gang before I started elementary school.
Markie Mark and the Funky Bunch was played at my first dance.
I wanted a slap bracelet in the fifth grade.
I got a Caboodle when I was in middle school.
My favorite shows my senior year of high school were on the WB.
I had a Starter jacket my freshman year of high school.

2006-12-12 13:25:29 · 16 answers · asked by Candi 4

2006-12-12 13:25:21 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

me and my friend are fighting over why spaniards are better than italians. i am a spaniard so i need some things that will offend him not jsut about how he italian but other stuff. he is fat looks like roban williams has a huge nose is italian eats sausage and melted cheese and likes rap please help

2006-12-12 13:24:17 · 5 answers · asked by Metalhead4Ever 2

THere's a teacher in 2nd grade and she's teaching vocab. She drew an apple on the board.
One of the student said " ew, why are you drawing an *** on the board"
the teacher cried and ran to the principle room. The principle was so upset, he ran into the class and he saw the picture on the board. He yelled " Who drew an *** on the board !?!?!"
XD

2006-12-12 13:20:17 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I dont have a red mustang in my garage.

2006-12-12 13:19:18 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

An executioner has arranged 4 men in order, A, B, C, and D. They are each buried in the ground half way. There is a brick wall between A and B. ( that you cannot see through) Everyone is facing the wall( so picture A looking to the right, then a wall, then b, c d in line facing left, if you were to look at it on paper) All 4 are wearing hats. A has white, B, black, C white, and D black.
The executioner orders them to announce what color their hats are. They are not allowed to move or talk to eachother. If they are right then all lives will be spared. If they are wrong then all will be shot. They have ten minutes.
After one minute someone shouts out loud. Who was it and why were they 100 percent certain of the color of their hat?
If you figure it out, explain why.

2006-12-12 13:10:12 · 9 answers · asked by loveboatcaptain 5

How would you explain the word HOT with out using the words: heat, or warm. Remember your definition cannot have the word HOT in it!!!!! (think hard)

2006-12-12 12:52:05 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

thanks thanks and bye i is execute, In year our lord 1298525 stargate log, remember me, i is execute, GOODBYE

Rub a dub dub
Thirty men in a tub
San Francisco?
No, the rugby club.

How to Sex a Dinosaur
Tyrannosaurus rex
Has enormous pecs
Whereas Tyrannosaurus regina
Has an enormous ...tiara

Mary had a little lamb,
The news made every front page,
With pictures of her being taken to jail,
Cause you see, he was under age.

Mary had a little lamb,
The Midwife died of Shock !

There was an old woman who lived in shoe.
She had eleven children, but considered it too few.
What with child benefit, tax credits and the minimum income guarantee,
She decided to up the ante and adopt a further three.

If I were going to Timbuktu
I think that I would take just you
As Timbukone sounds much less fun
And Timbukthree most unwholesome


A Word to Husbands
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.

parody of "Baa, B

2006-12-12 12:51:05 · 16 answers · asked by 99tzm 3

2006-12-12 12:48:45 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

a dozen royals gathered round;
entertained by but 2 who clowned.
Each king there had his servants ten;
though none of them were also men.
the lowest servant sometimes might;
defeat the king in a fair fight.
weapons stout, a priceless jewel;
the beat of life, a farmers tool.
What is this

2006-12-12 12:35:22 · 7 answers · asked by glacier 4

A man and his wife enter a bar. They sit down at the bar and order a couple drinks. The wife notices another man staring at her. Her husband then stands up and excuses himself to the bathroom. The man who had been staring at the woman walks over and whispers in her ear.
"I want to lick your nipples, and then I want to squeeze your ***, and finally, I want to fill your pussy up with tequila and drink it out."
Amazed, the woman says nothing. The man walks away. The woman's husband comes back a minute or two later. The woman turns to her husband and says,
"That man over there said he wants to lick my nipples."
Pissed, the man stands up and says, "What else did he say?"
"He also said he wants to squeeze my ***."
"That's it, I'm kicking his ***."
"Wait, he also told me he wants to fill my pussy up with tequila, and drink it all out." After hearing this, the man abruptly sits down.
"What are you doing? Aren't you going to kick his ***?" The woman says to her husband.
He replie

2006-12-12 12:34:48 · 9 answers · asked by Wendy R 2

M R ducks
M R not duck
O S A R
I B M R ducks

it makes fun of accents

2006-12-12 12:31:48 · 14 answers · asked by Let's Run Away 1