Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.

Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there

2006-12-12 12:30:45 · 13 answers · asked by a m 4

There was a man that was reading the paper and saw that a man had been murdered in the Alps and he new who the killer was how can this be?

2006-12-12 12:26:19 · 38 answers · asked by Crystal 3

Whats the difference between steps and stairs.? The plural of horse is horses the plural of cow is cows so why aren't sheep called sheeps. Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one? Why in the english language are so many words sound the same but are spelt differently.? eg:- Would - Wood, New - Knew, Piece - Peace, etc

2006-12-12 12:18:51 · 14 answers · asked by rhinoharris 3

2006-12-12 12:17:00 · 14 answers · asked by glacier 4

ok, most of you out their are probably like this is so immature, an no ofense to any teachers, my moms a techer, but I was sitting in class doing work, and then Mr. Blankenship casually walks over near me, an he comes in front of me an sits on the desk"nothing bad so far and I sort of look up, an than his thing comes out, i don't know how to explain this but it was freaky, the whole class sort chuckled under their breath, But I was hysterical, It was weird, but I guess the man needs to watch how much Viagra he takes, that could be unhealthy!

2006-12-12 12:15:58 · 12 answers · asked by I like to no what guys think h 1

What is this? Water is wrapped in flesh, flesh wrapped in bones, bone is wrapped in skin. Get your coconut shells working.....

2006-12-12 12:08:43 · 11 answers · asked by Rio 3

2006-12-12 12:06:51 · 6 answers · asked by Eli W 2

a man wakes up. He is in a different place than he last remembers. he dosnt know how he got here. franticly, he walks around and sees about 20 keys on the floor and one door. above it, it says, only one key will work, choose the wrong key and your dead!!!he slumps down and starts crying, why me! the next few hours he spent crying and thinking about memories from the past. All of the sudden, he remembers something. He gets up and yells, so thats the answer huh. is that all you got. the next day he is telling his kids about what happened. HOW DID HE ESCAPE!!!

2006-12-12 12:02:42 · 10 answers · asked by mr. fancy pants 3

Please, you like, I does not want execute, thank kind, is un nice
to be execute

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little b*****d.

Hickory Dickory Dock,
Three mice ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
And the other two escaped with minor injuries.

Twinkle twinkle northern lights
shimmer in the artic night
up above the clouds so high
green blue ribbons in the sky
twinkle twinkle northern lights
sparkle in your dreams tonight
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock

Mary had a little lamb,
It was kinda frisky.
It got foot and mouth disease,
so now it's black and crispy.

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

I had a little nut tree
Nothing did it grow
So I cut it up and burnt it.

2006-12-12 12:02:19 · 18 answers · asked by 99tzm 3

You get to be picked the best choice if you get this right, or if you get close to the right answer.

What is the "J" word that many people say a lot? This "J" word is a curse, but many people don't know it is. If I don't see any answers that are correct, I will add another hint tomorrow. Good Luck!!!

2006-12-12 12:01:15 · 17 answers · asked by truthsayer777 2

I am the center of gravity, hold a capital situation in Vienna, and as I am foremost in every victory, am allowed by all to be invaluable. Though I am invisible, I am clearly seen in the midst of a river. I could name three who are in love with me and have three associates in vice. It is vain that you seek me for I have long been in heaven yet even now lie embalmed in the grave. What am I?

2006-12-12 12:00:34 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Do you know any really good riddles or jokes -- i kind of need a laugh right now -- Thanks

2006-12-12 11:59:36 · 4 answers · asked by . 1

A doctor and a bus driver are both in love with the same woman, an attractive girl named Sarah. The bus driver had to go on a long bustrip that would last a week. Before he left, he gave Sarah seven apples. Why?

2006-12-12 11:54:52 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man tells his wife, of 40 yrs, one day
" i have never made love to you"
the wife replies "of course you have, PLENTY"
the man replys " well, not with my ' self ' , i have always
used a DEVICE"
'WHAT!!!' SCREAMS the wife
you have been using 'something-EVERYtime?...
you had BETTER explain yourself!"
the husband looks at her and says " i'll explain THAT, right after YOU explain the CHILDREN!"

2006-12-12 11:53:53 · 17 answers · asked by a m 4

2006-12-12 11:52:59 · 8 answers · asked by Hope P 1

A woman shoots her husband.
Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.
Finally, she hangs him.
But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.

How can this be?

2006-12-12 11:46:10 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

if you were stuck in a locked car and all you had was a bat, how would you get out?

2006-12-12 11:46:00 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

What goes zub zub? A bee flying backwards. Whats green has eight legs and if it fell on you would kill you? A snooker table. What do you call an Irish Franenstien Monster? Bighorrah. What swims in the sea and sings Downtown? Petula Shark. What sits on the sea bed and shivers? A Nervous Wreck. Whats black and white and red all over? A newspaper. How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.

2006-12-12 11:44:18 · 8 answers · asked by rhinoharris 3

I am looking for any kind of handshake sayings or teen sayings to tell me friends!!!!!

2006-12-12 11:40:55 · 2 answers · asked by Shelby 3

10 points to the one who gets this riddle CORRECT or closest answer!!!?
An old veteran of World War 2 wakes up in an deserted ship. He does not know how he got there or why he is there. He franticly searches for other people on the ship. After searching, he finds nobody. After hours of crying, and thinking about starving to death, he remembers something his father told him. He puts on smile on his face and says silently, " thanks dad". The next day he is back home with his family having a great time. HOW DID HE ESCAPE!!!...... 10 points to the correct or closest to the correct answer. .....
.......
.........
START THINKING!!!!

2006-12-12 11:40:33 · 18 answers · asked by mr. fancy pants 3

What is greater than God?
More evil than the devil?
The poor have it.
The rich don't need it.
And if you eat it, you'll die.

Answer in 10 Minutes.

2006-12-12 11:35:51 · 11 answers · asked by Mr. KH 2

There are 3 ants going straight, the first ant said that there is an ant behind me and the second ant said that there’s an ant in the front and behind me and the last one said there’s an ant in the front of me and behind me. Why is that?

2006-12-12 11:35:00 · 15 answers · asked by Manak 1

i mean online and free, like season 2. also does anyone know what time and day it comes on ABC (channel 13)

2006-12-12 11:33:55 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

With a sheep underneath his arm. He goes into his house and walks straight upstairs and into his bedroom. His wife, Lillian, a 18 stone redhead is there lying in bed.
'This' says Willie 'Is the pig I've been shagging whilst you've been away'
'Willie, that's not a pig, thats a sheep'
'Shut up woman, I wasn't talking to you!'

2006-12-12 11:32:37 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

your running in a race and you pass the person in second, what place are you in?

2006-12-12 11:30:52 · 14 answers · asked by Cincyfan0591 4

note: none of this is associated with each other!
1.aerelcn
2.eyssmt
3.oahyo
4.ortboere
5.odyiaitrcn

2006-12-12 11:30:39 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I need some funny numbers to call like the atomic clock (303-499-7111)

2006-12-12 11:27:41 · 5 answers · asked by American Idle 5

do you go for or ignore the longest answerers?

do you stop reading if you disagree with the first paragraph?

do you try to avoid the one that was obviously going for the points rather than the interest?

would you check someone's profile before handing out 10 points?

i only click if i like them & i do find myself reading all of them. I prefer the longer answers 'cos i tend to emote about them for longer. almost everyone i see whom i think thinks like me gets the points. what does that say about me? is anyone else like that?

i've stopped caring about points all together, i ask at least one question a week & try to put in one a day. I prefer asking questions to answering them sometimes. is anyone else like that?

2006-12-12 11:18:41 · 33 answers · asked by Can I Be Your Pet? 6

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.

2006-12-12 11:17:24 · 24 answers · asked by a m 4

i know being in a room with no windows and no doors is impossible because how did you get there in the first place? lol but first answer thats same as mine gets best answer award!

2006-12-12 11:13:56 · 16 answers · asked by jackie 2