Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

2006-12-13 13:34:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

An answer.

2006-12-13 13:33:05 · 7 answers · asked by Jake D 2

A bigger problem.

2006-12-13 13:32:26 · 11 answers · asked by Jake D 2

Yo, Bid Daddy upstairs, - Our Father, who art in heaven

You be chillin - Hallowed be thy name

So be yo hood - Thy Kingdom come

You be sayin' it, I be doin' it - Thy will be done

In this here hood and yo's - On earth as it is in heaven

Gimme some eats - Give us this day our daily bread

And cut me some slack, Blood - And forgive us our trespasses

Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me - As we forgive those who trespass against us

don't be pushing me into no jive - And lead us not into temptation

and keep dem Crips away - But deliver us from evil

'Cause you always be da Man - For thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever.

2006-12-13 13:32:10 · 6 answers · asked by ? 5

A Hebrew teacher stood in front of his class and said, "The Jewish people have observed their 5,759th year as a people..."

"Consider that the Chinese, for example, have only observed their 4,692nd year as a people. Now, what does it mean to you?"

After a moment of silence, a student raised his hand.

"Yes, David," the teacher said, "what does it mean?"

David replied,"It means that the Jews had to suffer without Chinese food for 1,067 years."

2006-12-13 13:17:57 · 10 answers · asked by ? 5

it has no ceiling but has a flor
it has lots of keys that open no doors
it almost always has a sun but never a daughter
there are four gates, three made of water

NOTES:
all misspellings are intentional.
first to get it right gets 10 points.

2006-12-13 13:09:55 · 1 answers · asked by Anna H. 3

It is a joke I heard
looking foward to the answers

2006-12-13 13:03:58 · 7 answers · asked by Priestess Pachina 2

a heart that says sex-ay sista!

2006-12-13 13:03:14 · 11 answers · asked by Grammar B*@%h 4

Two gay men decide that they want to have a baby, but they don't want to adopt because they want the baby to be as close to their own as possible.

So they both masturbate into a cup and have a doctor use their sperm to impregnate a female friend of theirs.

Nine months later, the two men are looking at their baby in the hospital nursery. All of the babies are crying and screaming except for theirs.

"Wow," one of the gay men says, "Our baby is the most well behaved one in here."

A nurse who happens to be walking by says, "Now he's quiet, but wait till we take the pacifier out of his ***."

2006-12-13 13:00:00 · 16 answers · asked by ? 5

Yo mamma is so ugly, she's like the sun if i stare at her too long i'll go blind!!!!

2006-12-13 12:59:40 · 22 answers · asked by zummo 2

1.if a roster is on a roof. if it lays an egg where will it fall.left or rigjt of the roof

2006-12-13 12:58:47 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

10 9 to hold 1 one up and then that one to change it. =)

2006-12-13 12:55:23 · 8 answers · asked by Emily 3

A doctor, you racist.

lol, I hope the term "native indian" is politically correct. My apologies if it isn't.

2006-12-13 12:52:03 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

SEE IF U CAN FIND THESE LETTERS.........

FIND THE N....................
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

FIND THE C.................
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

FIND THE I.........................
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
FIND THE 6..........
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999996999999999999999999999

2006-12-13 12:50:47 · 5 answers · asked by Jennifer T 2

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "Wow! That's the ugliest baby I've EVER seen!"

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. She fumed for a few stops and started getting really worked up.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me!" she fumed.

The man sympathized and said, "Hey! He's a public servant and he shouldn't say things to insult the passengers."

"You're right!" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your baby monkey!"

2006-12-13 12:46:48 · 16 answers · asked by ? 5

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.

The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place........smack his *** again!"

2006-12-13 12:44:36 · 13 answers · asked by ? 5

2006-12-13 12:39:03 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is black and white and red all over,

You cant run your business without it,

Hope is not a strategy

Made in chicago,

failing to plan is planning to fail...what am i???

2006-12-13 12:38:07 · 10 answers · asked by okinaps319 3

that they took the word "gullible" out of the dictionary? =3

2006-12-13 12:33:29 · 8 answers · asked by Monklin! 2

an old blind geezer walking by asked her 'yo, how much for the shrimp platter?"

2006-12-13 12:32:57 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy is speaking to God. He asks God why he made women so beautiful? God says, ''so you would love them my son.'' He asks God why he made women so dumb, and God says, ''so they would love you.''

2006-12-13 12:32:09 · 16 answers · asked by Dhaircutta 3

AMEN
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN
Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR
A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.

HYMN
A song of praise usually sung in a key two octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN
The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE
Holy Smoke!

JUSTICE
When kids have kids of their own.

PEW
A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

RECESSIONAL
The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the
parking lot.

RELICS
People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS
The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS
The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

2006-12-13 12:26:04 · 6 answers · asked by ? 5

a baby combing it's hair with a patatoe peeler...

2006-12-13 12:25:28 · 8 answers · asked by kim 2

A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw......

2006-12-13 12:23:42 · 16 answers · asked by kim 2

(not racis just a joke sorry if it comes to your mind of racisism)

Theres a white man a black man and a hispanic man there all riding bikes wich one don't you hit?

Answer this and you get 10 points!

2006-12-13 12:14:00 · 4 answers · asked by Emily 3

assume the gag is cloth. your arms legs hands and feet are tightly bound. how do you remove the gag. Also how would you remove it if it were 4 layers of duct tape?

2006-12-13 11:49:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

shes bringing a wolf, a chicken, and a bag of seeds. She comes to a river and needs to get across. All she has is a canoe and it will only hold her and one other thing. The chicken can't be alone with the seeds because it will eat it and the wolf can't be alone with the chicken. How does susey get everything across safely?

2006-12-13 11:44:56 · 11 answers · asked by Soccerstar 2

..apparently, some dyslexic serial killer's got rid of all the substitutes.

2006-12-13 11:41:21 · 12 answers · asked by cheaper_bills 3

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.

So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in -
just don't start anything."

2006-12-13 11:38:23 · 13 answers · asked by Rock 2

I have a comedy routine on Friday. PLEASE HELP!!!!

2006-12-13 11:37:29 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous