Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

you walk in dark room and you are hungry...you see firewood, gas lamp, and a charcoal grill. Which do you light first?

2006-11-11 14:36:54 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

you aim and shoot again! what do you think of it?

2006-11-11 14:29:51 · 7 answers · asked by PaRtYqUeEn 2

Is it the right foot or the left foot?

2006-11-11 14:28:09 · 50 answers · asked by Carol H 5

A B C D * (*=mudcrab)

M no *

S A R

S A R

C D B D I's

2006-11-11 14:14:32 · 8 answers · asked by slipper 5

A snail goes into a car dealer's to test drive an Aston-Martin...He decides to buy it with one proviso: that the dealer will have a big S painted on both sides, front and rear of the car..."Ah says the dealer, I understand--S for Snail" "No says the snail, its so that when I'm overtaking everybody on the motorway they can point at me and say:

























See that S car go!!!!"

2006-11-11 14:14:29 · 21 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

2006-11-11 13:45:10 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

My class is about 500 and we need a sweet senior prank that won't hurt animals and won't do any huge damage to the school.

2006-11-11 13:43:45 · 10 answers · asked by XC Sweetie 1

A little boy is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying his eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"

The little boy turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car – and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."

The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

No offense intended

2006-11-11 13:40:44 · 17 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"

Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Nope........just when it's raining."

2006-11-11 13:31:43 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-11 13:30:37 · 9 answers · asked by rachel 2

Im feeling kinda bad right now cause my dog, Rambo died a week ago and I miss him bad. My mom says that I need to laugh so I was wondering if someone could tell me some jokessss. Please?! (=^( )

2006-11-11 13:25:29 · 13 answers · asked by what?! 3

the funniest joke gets the 10 points and please be aware that making "racial" comments is not funny!

2006-11-11 13:14:53 · 9 answers · asked by GlamGurl 4

You never saw who did it, and if you looked out the window, no one was to be seen. There is a big hole in the window, and the part brick was inside the room. No one was physically hurt.
No one has reason to dislike you. What practical steps do you take? And how do you react?
Stupid Yahoo thinks this question is entertainment.

2006-11-11 13:08:46 · 26 answers · asked by DoctressWho 4

2006-11-11 13:05:25 · 21 answers · asked by xoxkittenkatxox 2

who can say the funniest thing lol

2006-11-11 12:57:45 · 11 answers · asked by emo elmo 2

2006-11-11 12:53:02 · 20 answers · asked by xoxkittenkatxox 2

What is your threshold?

2006-11-11 12:47:26 · 20 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

2006-11-11 12:36:21 · 2 answers · asked by Serinity4u2find 6

Rabbits don't lay eggs, do they?

2006-11-11 12:34:57 · 8 answers · asked by xoxkittenkatxox 2

Finish this Joke.

Q: How do blonde braincells die?

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?

2006-11-11 12:33:36 · 6 answers · asked by General P. 2

2006-11-11 12:32:55 · 8 answers · asked by xoxkittenkatxox 2

A lawyer was on his way home form work and he passes two homeless families who are eating grass.

He invites both families to his house for dinner.

On the drive home one of the children asks, "Kind sir, you are so kind. How are you going to give us all something to eat?"

The lawyer says "Don't worry, my back yard has foot high tall grass."

2006-11-11 12:32:15 · 8 answers · asked by Woody 3

2006-11-11 12:22:44 · 4 answers · asked by peter e 1

i want some really good websites for pranks and jokes can any one help please? xxx

2006-11-11 12:18:51 · 3 answers · asked by pinkie 2

During a recent ecumenical gathering, one of the attendees suddenly saw smoke rising from the trash can. "Fire!" he screamed.

The Methodists gathered in the corner and prayed.

The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"

The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.

The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil.

The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damage.

The Jews posted symbols on the door hoping the fire would pass.

The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself!"

The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"

The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.

The Christian Scientists concluded that there was no fire.

The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.

And the atheist hotel manager walked in, grabbed the fire extinguisher off the wall, and put the fire out.

2006-11-11 12:12:44 · 6 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor.

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes," The instructor said.

He addressed the men, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

2006-11-11 12:10:08 · 8 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

2006-11-11 12:08:32 · 6 answers · asked by ross 2

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail.

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.

"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"

"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."

"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.

"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

2006-11-11 12:06:21 · 10 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

''I can't do that, officer.''

''Why not?''

''Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.''

''Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.''

''Can't do that either, officer.''

''Why not?''

''Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.''

''Alright, we could get a blood sample.''

''Can't do that either, officer.''

''Why not?''

''Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.''

''Fine then, just walk this white line.''

''Can't do that either, officer.''

''Why not?''

''Because I'm drunk.''

2006-11-11 11:58:00 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mrs. Johnson decided to have her own portrait painted by a very famous artist.

She told the artist, "Paint me with 3-carat diamond earrings, a large diamond necklace, glimmering emerald bracelets, and a beautiful
red ruby pendant."

"But ma'am, you are not wearing any of those things."

"I know," said Mrs. Johnson . "My health is not good, and my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want the b-i-t-c-h to go nuts looking for the jewelry..."

2006-11-11 11:50:00 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous