Need a laugh desperately! what's the funniest joke/one-liner that you ever heard? No long list of jokes pls!!

Question

the funniest joke gets the 10 points and please be aware that making "racial" comments is not funny!

Answer 1

there was a hospital that every sunday at 11:00 am 1 person would die. then police came to inspect. then they saw the cleaning man go in a room, unplug the life support system and plug in his vacuum!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Answer 2

There was once a person sitting at a bar, while suddenly he reached within his jacket, and obtained out a miniture piano. It was once approximately 10 inches prime. The barmen regarded over, curious. Following this, the person reached within his jacket once more and taken out somewhat guy! It was once a tiny, truly existence guy, approximately 10 inches prime. The tiny guy sat down and began to play the piano brilliantly, like a professional. Finishing the primary tune, the barman was once stunned! "How on the earth did you get that!" He requested the person. The guy responded: Well, I located a genie in a bottle, however he was once somewhat deaf. Let's simply say I did not precisely ask for a ten inch pianist. *Edit* I remembered an additional: A pregnant girl was once having an ultrasound while her physician requested "will the daddy be gift on the delivery?" the lady responded "No, he and my husband do not fairly get alongside." hehe wish those made ya giggle

Answer 3

Soup or Sex

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

~ Have a good evening! ~

Answer 4

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Monk walk into a bar. The bartender looks up at them and asks "What is this, some sort of a joke?"

Answer 5

why is 6 afraid of 7? cuz 789

Answer 6

One time during my annual pap smear my young male doctor told me I was going to "feel a little prick in there..."

It's a true story!!! That's why it's funny.

Answer 7

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

Answer 8

How do you confuse a blonde??

answer:
Blue.

Answer 9

Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit**."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit**?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!"



There was a little girl and she HATED sunday school.
She always fell asleep. One day the teacher asked her a question. Christie? Who created the earth? A little bot named Johnny behind her jabbed her with a pencil. Immediatly she shouted " GOD AlMIGHTY!" and she fell back asleep. Again her teacher asked her a question. Christie, who is our savior? and again, Johnny jabbed her in the back. "JESUS CHRIST!" christie shouted. "Good" said the teacher. And again christie fell back asleep. Then, the sunday school teacher asked her Christie? What did Eve say after she had hre 19th child? and again Johnny jabbed her in the back. " DAMN IT! IF YOU JAB THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'M GONNA BREAK IT IN HALF!