Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

Darn it! My Trolls ranned away from me again! I guess they are tired of me giving them work,Do youknow where they are??? And do youthink I should give them a vacation???

2006-11-15 11:12:21 · 21 answers · asked by JollyRancherCrazyGirl 1

No cheating, these have to be totally new, I have the list here from chucknorrisfacts.com and you won't get jack squat if it's on here!!!

2006-11-15 11:11:34 · 6 answers · asked by shoemanshoe 3

2006-11-15 11:07:21 · 19 answers · asked by ed g 1

A man walks into Toys-R-Us and says to the sales assistant, "Could you show me your Barbie dolls, please?"
"Certainly, sir" she says. "Here, we have Fashion Barbie at £15.95, Vacation Barbie, also £15.95, Housewife Barbie - that's £15.95 too - and Divorced Barbie, at £215.95."
The man is astonished, "Why's Divorcee Barbie so much?" he asks. "She looks the same as the others to me."
"Well sir," says the assistant, "that's because Divorcee Barbie comes complete with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's furniture, Ken's dog....." :)

2006-11-15 11:04:30 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

Four-year-old Billy is about to start his first day at school. Just before he leaves, however, his dad goes up to him and tells him, Right, Billy - since you are now starting school, from now on you're to speak only proper English. No more "choo-choo train" or childish phrases like that."
Billy agrees and makes his way to school. A few hours later, the lad arrives back home to be greeted by his dad. "Hi, son!! How was your first day at school?"
"Okay," Billy replies.
"Did you do anything exciting?" says his dad.
"Yes, I read a book."
"Well done!" his dad exclaims. "And what book did you read?"
"Winnie the Sh*t." :)

2006-11-15 10:56:57 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

mine was today at work after i left the lady room, the back of my skirt was in my underwear and i din't know until 20mins later after walking from one side of the building to the other side , i had to have pass at least 20 people before someone told me.(and the back of my panties say : catch me if you can).

2006-11-15 10:56:14 · 7 answers · asked by ladytee 4

the first person gets best answer

2006-11-15 10:55:27 · 28 answers · asked by Look into the Air 3

ok so whenever anyone says 'adults only' why do more kids want to look?????

2006-11-15 10:50:35 · 21 answers · asked by micmegan 3

2006-11-15 10:45:03 · 14 answers · asked by gh7432 1

Just wanrt to test the perception of my screen name ( c :

2006-11-15 10:44:36 · 9 answers · asked by dbzgalaxy 6

2006-11-15 10:39:18 · 17 answers · asked by ♥☺ bratiskim∞! ☺♥ 6

2006-11-15 10:35:23 · 9 answers · asked by GABRIELLA 3

born motherless
born fatherless
spoke once
never speak again ????

2006-11-15 10:33:56 · 24 answers · asked by ghostguff3 2

They can be crude, I don't mind. HAHAH..

2006-11-15 10:19:44 · 16 answers · asked by Miketothefish 2

Two elderly gents are taking a leak in a public toilet when one notices the other gent is pis*ing two streams. "What the hell is that?" he asks.
"War wound," replies the other, "I took a revolver bullet in the pen*s in North Africa, which left a hole."
"Me too," says the first - showing he's pis*ing with three streams. "War wound, Germany. A high-powered rifle round in the pen*s - left me with two holes."
At this point,, a young lad stands between them - and squirts 12 streams of amber onto the porcelain.
"My goodness," exclaims the second veteran, "did you get that from a machine gun?"
"No mate," says the young lad, incredulously, "My zip's stuck."

2006-11-15 10:18:13 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I got this from an Encyclopedia Brown book a few years ago. A girl accused a boy of stealing some of her many teacups,and tells this accusation to Encyclopedia, the boy sits there with the teacup and plate. Encylopedia asks him about this, he merely laughs, grabs a napkin, daintily(please forgive my spelling), picks up the teacup by the handle and sips it, then proceeds to tell his story. That being he got the cups from a local Chinese resturaunt that closed down, and that he was friends with the owner so when the resturaunt closed down, he gained the cup. The girl wants to find the owner, but he has moved back to China, she then wants to give up, saying she paid 10 cents for it at a yard sale, but Encyclopedia says it will not be neccessary. The boy has outsmarted himself...Why?

2006-11-15 10:17:26 · 8 answers · asked by DJ Electric Sun 1

Why Halloween Is Better Than Sex

10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.

6. The person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.

5. If you get a stomachache, it won't last 9 months.

4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.

3. It doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. You have less guilt the next morning.

1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR

2006-11-15 10:15:05 · 16 answers · asked by Andrew 2

There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.

85% of women think their a*s has grown too big since getting married..

10% of women think their as* is just as big as it was when they got married..









The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.

2006-11-15 09:51:41 · 29 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

(SEE BELOW)

HOW MANY ?


WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !

Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.

The reasoning behind is further down.

The brain cannot process "OF".

Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!

Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.



More Brain Stuff . . . From Cambridge University.


Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if
you can raed tihs psas it on !!







Psas Ti ON !

2006-11-15 09:43:21 · 18 answers · asked by jloren 2

Three men decided to split the cost of a hotel room. The hotel manager gave them a price of $30. The men split the bill evenly, each paying $10, and retired to their room.
However, the manager realized that it was a Wednesday night, which meant the hotel had a special: rooms were only $25. He had overcharged them $5!

He promptly called the bellboy, gave him five one-dollar bills and told him to return it to the men. When the bellboy explained the situation to the men, they were so pleased at the honesty of the establishment that they promptly tipped the bellboy $2 of the $5 he had returned and each kept $1 for himself.

The Problem: Each of the three men ended up paying $9 (their original $10, minus $1 back) totalling $27, plus $2 for the bellboy makes $29. Where did the extra dollar go?

I will send you the answer if you want it.
-jo

2006-11-15 09:41:43 · 16 answers · asked by jloren 2

a guy was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"

"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'

2006-11-15 09:27:13 · 21 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

2006-11-15 09:25:10 · 16 answers · asked by flavorlicious 2

it was there last night! i just dont understand

2006-11-15 09:17:50 · 17 answers · asked by juggums 3

johnny's dad comes home from work and his wife says you'll have to have a word with him all he does is **** all day...you know he'll go blind... now away up there.... son i want to talk to you..your mums been telling me that your up here all day pulling your yang...you'll go blinking blind some..... dad your talking tae the dog am over here....

2006-11-15 09:16:08 · 14 answers · asked by David M 2

come on don't be shy
I was really hungover one day and wasn;t thinking straight
where i am we have an offer on " cans of lager" export which is buy 6 cans for a fiver well........
i went to my friend's house and forgot to pick up some ciggs, so i askd my mate's brother to go to shop for me, i said i will buy you something for going
he said " what can i have?
my reply was " how much is 6 cans for a fiver" DERRR!
it took me a while to crack on why they were laughing so much!
oh.....did i mention i am BLOND? lol

2006-11-15 09:15:36 · 18 answers · asked by red devil 3

between outlaws and inlaws


outlaws are wanted......

2006-11-15 09:14:51 · 18 answers · asked by chris w. 7

This is a pretty good riddle, but a little complicated.
"4 strangers are travelling through the desert and are captured by bandits. The bandits decide to toy with them, so bury all 4 of them in the sand, 2 wearing a white hat, and 2 wearing a black hat. The furthest to the right is wearing a white hat, facing the wall. The next is wearing a black hat, facing towards the wall. The next is wearing a white hat, facing the wall. The last is on the other side of the wall. Quick diagram:

Black> [wall]
Arrows show which way they are facing. So, the bandits say the first to guess what colour hat they are wearing will go free, the rest will be shot. So: Which of the strangers in the sand has a almost flawless method to get the right answer?

It is a pure logic answer, so nothing weird like:
-reflections
-heat
-x ray vision
-etc etc

It is a good riddle, but pretty hard. I didnt get it but was impressed when someone got it right. Good luck!

2006-11-15 09:11:30 · 26 answers · asked by Evisiron 2

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"

He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"

2006-11-15 09:09:15 · 27 answers · asked by neha 3

This question is for the child that lives next door to me.
She says that he can't eat wood or he would be a cannibal. So what does he eat?

Kids say the funniest things.
Thought I would through it out there for her.

2006-11-15 09:08:15 · 10 answers · asked by joy f 1

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

2006-11-15 09:06:51 · 26 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3