Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane. The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany". The others ask, "How do you know", the German says, "Cuz' it's so cold". Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia", the others ask "How do you know", he replies "Cuz' it's so warm". Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico", the others ask "How do you know", he says " Cuz' my watch in gone".

2006-11-17 04:05:35 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tyrone asked his work buddy, Robert, one morning,
""Man, why you always so damn happy when you come
to work every day?""

Robert replied, ""Because I make love to my wife
every morning before work.""

Amazed, Tyrone asked him how he gets his wife
to make love to him every morning.

""That's easy,"" Robert said, ""I just tell her
this little poem that I made up.

She loves it! It goes like this: 'Blond hair,
blond hair, eyes so blue...I love waking up and
making love to you!""

Tyrone, amazed, said, ""Man, you white guys is
so dang sentimental and ****...""

But he decided it wouldn't hurt to give it a try.
So he spent the rest of the day thinking up a
poem for his wife.

The next day Tyrone showed up to work all beat
to hell; bruised eyes, broken nose, fat lip,
the works.

Robert asked, " "Man, what happened to you?!""

Tyron! e said, ""I don't know, man. I went home
and tried your adv ice, that's all!

I just told her a poem...""

""Well, what poem did you tell her?""

Tyrone told him:

""Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog...if I
could roll your fat @ss over, I'd do you like a dog.

2006-11-17 03:57:07 · 13 answers · asked by Krazykraut 3

suppose today's temperature is zero.if tomorrow is going to twice as cold as today, then what will be tomorrow's temperature??

2006-11-17 03:55:47 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Kate McCann had decided that in order 2 raise a few extra pound,or win a holiday perhaps,her husband pat would enter a tv game show.Unfortunatly,Pat looks and personality did not lend themselves 2 the normall jolly type quizzes where knowledge secondary 2 fun.so what 2 do?
"well,'thought Kate,'if they say he looks 2 seriouse,then let him enter a seriouse quiz and what's more seriouse than Mastermind?'

So McCann duly applied and was accepted 4 the highbrow show.But what 2 answer questions on?General knowledge?-not allowed.Drinks and drinking?definietly not allowed.
'Pick something Irish,'prompted Kate.'They won't know a lot of qestions on that.So Pat decided on the Easter Rising in 1916.(They wouldn't know from that far back!) came the fateful night and Magnus Magnusson called McCann 2 the chair.
'Ur subject?'he asked.
Easter Rising of 1916,sir,'replied Pat.
time starts now..What was the date of the Easter Rising of 1916?.
pass
who led the Easter Rising of 1916.

2006-11-17 03:54:11 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two guys were at a bar arguing with their friend who was a midget. Sudden out of nowhere, the Pope walks into the bar! "Oh my god its the pope " they all say at once "the midget says to the guys 'That's it I'm going ask him." So he walks up to the Pope and asks "Sir, are there midget nuns in America?", "No, no, no." says the Pope "Are there midget nuns in the entire world?" "No, no, no." says the Pope "Are there even such things as midget nuns?" "No, no, no." says the Pope. His friends burst out chanting, "Joe screwed a penguin, Joe screwed a penguin..."

2006-11-17 03:52:02 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

does anybody have any wicked jokes for me tobay...i need jokes..im in a bad mood...stupid peanut butter

2006-11-17 03:49:34 · 8 answers · asked by nawti969 2

please help me figure out this riddle

2006-11-17 03:37:58 · 12 answers · asked by Robert M 1

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs, so she decides to go up and investigate.
When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all have white knuckles.
The brunette asks, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the blondes looks up and says to her, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

2006-11-17 03:32:09 · 6 answers · asked by lord bacon 2

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. The man gets up and heads for the door to leave when the bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The drunk replies, "That's not a lion! It's a giraffe."

2006-11-17 03:23:43 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-17 03:19:12 · 15 answers · asked by freddy197120032003 3

Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

2006-11-17 03:18:35 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.

"Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

2006-11-17 03:16:41 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."

2006-11-17 03:11:33 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

to the council (i forget her name now starts with K i think) anyway she asked if she could keep pigs at her house. No way said the official what about the smell. Well she says they will soon get used to it !!!!!!!!

2006-11-17 03:08:06 · 10 answers · asked by Shredder 6

A blonde turns on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a "Keyboard Error" message. She then asks "Why did it give me a keyboard error? There isn't even a keyboard attached?

2006-11-17 03:02:27 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "To your house."

2006-11-17 02:51:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I told her I would give her $50 if she would go stand in front of a group of people, straddle, and p e e in front of them. She did it and it was absolutely hillarious. I gave her the $50 and she asked for a tip. I didn't give her one. Would you?

2006-11-17 02:37:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

C'mon, there must be a better answer than "Shark infested custard"

2006-11-17 02:37:09 · 14 answers · asked by CarolineMary 2

Dot.

2006-11-17 02:25:57 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

what do you break when you say its name????

the awnser will be posted to those get it corrct!

2006-11-17 02:13:14 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTWEILER "JESUS".

2006-11-17 02:10:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

2006-11-17 02:02:09 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

i'm bursting!!!

2006-11-17 02:00:15 · 11 answers · asked by We Are Squirrel 3

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman.
Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my doberman Spike. He
won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking doberman he has
ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his
incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman
couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,

"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"


See Men just dont listen !

2006-11-17 01:53:25 · 17 answers · asked by Warlock Fiend 4

Who is this Rachel Fletcher and what did she say or do that was so bad, can anyone give me an example or something about what she asked or said. I see alot of people want her back
What is going on

2006-11-17 01:44:33 · 12 answers · asked by chantelle d 3

1. You can enjoy a Beer all month long.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine Beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play football.
5. When your Beer goes flat, you tose it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another Beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a Beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you've had a Beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents. Only in Sth Aust.
13. A Beer won't get upset if you come home with another Beer.
14. If you pour a Beer right, you'll always get good head.
15. A Beer always goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one Beer in a night, and not feel guilty.
17. You can share a Beer with your friends.
18. You always know when you're the first one to pop a Beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a Beer in public.
22. A Beer doesn't care when you come.
23. A frigid Beer is a good Beer.
24. If you change Beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
25. You don't have to wash a Beer before it tastes good.
26. You can't catch social diseases from a Beer.
27. When you're interrupted by a Beer, it's for a good reason.
28. A Beer is always satisfying.
29. A Beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.
30. A Beer won't tell you it's pregnant for fun.
31. A Beer doesn't have in-laws.
32. No matter what the package, a Beer still looks good.
33. To cool off a Beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box.
34. All you have to do to get over a Beer is take a leak.
35. Beer doesn't complain about farting.
36. The only thing a Beer tells you is when it's time to go to the bathroom.
37. You are never embarrased about the beer you bring to a party.
38. It's okay to leave a party with a different Beer than you arrived with.
39. Beer won't drive you to drink.
40. You can shoot a Beer.
41. A Beer chaser is easy to catch.
42. You don't need a license to live with a Beer.
43. A tree is good enough for a Beer.
44. Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't.
45. Beer doesn't care how much you earn.
46. Beer and Ice don't mix.
47. Beer won't complain about your choice of vacation.
48. Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it.
49. Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car.
50. You never have to promise to respect a Beer in the morning.
51. Beer never complains about the wet spot.
52. You can put all your old Beers in one room, and they won't fight.

2006-11-17 01:38:45 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

"When I arrived at her house, my mother in law was being attacked by a gang of around six yobs. One of the neighbours shouted 'For goodness sake aren't you going to help?' I said, nope six should be enough!"

2006-11-17 01:17:36 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

A baby monkey asked his mother "Why are we so ugly?" His mum replied "Son thank god we look like this, you should see the poor people on Yahoo Answers!"

2006-11-17 00:56:03 · 23 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

or is it just micheal whose reforming........

2006-11-17 00:52:00 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A small truth to make our Life 100% successful..........
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is equal to 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26

Then H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

L+O+V+E=12+15+22+5=54%

L+U+C+K = 12+21+3+11 = 47%

(None of them makes 100%)
...............................
Then what makes 100%
Is it Money? ..... No!!!!!
Leadership? ...... NO!!!!

Every problem has a solution, only if we perhaps change our "ATTITUDE".
It is OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes
OUR Life 100% Successful..

A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

2006-11-17 00:44:37 · 8 answers · asked by geniuswithU 2