Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

I was at the bus stop yesterday and a blind bloke was there with his dog , suddenly the dog pissed all over the blokes leg , but he just stooped down and offered the dog a biscuit , i thought to myself , thats nice , so i said to the bloke , how lovely , the dogs just pissed all over you and you just offer him a biscuit , he said , yes mate , i wanna find out what end his mouth is so i can kick him in the bolloks !

2006-11-16 21:14:15 · 18 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.

Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"

James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style,
"......James Bond."

Then Bond asks: "And you?"

Telugu Guy: "My name is Rao...

Siva Rao...

Samba Siva Rao...

Venkata Samba Siva Rao...

Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...

Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...

Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...

Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao..."

Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James Bond"

2006-11-16 21:00:26 · 42 answers · asked by chillgalsnboys 2

Two of its synonyms are antonyms of each other...please specify the word and its synonyms...

2006-11-16 20:57:06 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is greater than God?

More evil than the devil?

The poor have it...

The rich need it...

And if you eat it you die!

2006-11-16 20:52:18 · 8 answers · asked by Rosie 3

Please go answer the original question also!
Was this due to the category?

"Funniest question/answer - 11/13?"
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AvqU5EjxYQNML3eX3NPTPszsy6IX?qid=20061113072735AAOhuSv

Was looking for the funniest Y! question and/or answer you've seen of all? (post link)

Disappointing response.

2006-11-16 20:49:26 · 3 answers · asked by smci 7

i would love to play some mean pranks on some drunk people I will be seeing this weekend. The dont have to be necessarily mean, just really funny.I already know about the visine one in the drink, so dont mention that one

2006-11-16 20:38:31 · 4 answers · asked by funkymonkey86 1

What is another reason why Cinderalla had to be home by midnight?








Because at the stroke of midnight her diaphram turns back into a trampoline!

2006-11-16 20:22:09 · 6 answers · asked by Jocko 5

I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?

2006-11-16 20:16:04 · 4 answers · asked by Ricky the Kid 4

i asked a question awhile back. why did the chicken cross the road. anyone know why? maybe i put it in the wrong category

2006-11-16 19:57:30 · 14 answers · asked by Jody SweetG 5

if yes please include it.

2006-11-16 19:46:28 · 11 answers · asked by David Todd 1

2006-11-16 19:30:45 · 10 answers · asked by flavorlicious 2

Two guys watching bungee jumping.

1st Guy: Wanna try?

2nd: No way I was born of broken rubber, don't want to die of it!!!

2006-11-16 19:28:18 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are 2 golfers on a golf course. 1 pulls out a cigarette and asks his friend for a light. His friend pulls out a 12inch “BIC” lighter. “Wow where did you get such a large BIC?” “Oh, my genie got it for me.” “Your Genie, u have a Genie, Where is it?’ He’s in my golf bag. The friend says, “can I see him?” Yes, sure says the other. The friend look in the bag & out come the genie. The man says to the genie; “I am your master’s best friend. Would you grant me one wish”. So the man wishes for a million bucks. The genie goes back into the bag without saying a word. Pretty soon, the sky starts to get dark. Then it gets even darker. The man looks up and sees a million ducks flying over. He gets real upset & says. “What is the matter with your genie” Is he hard of hearing? I said a million Bucks not Ducks”.
His friend says to him: “Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch BIC?”

2006-11-16 19:24:40 · 9 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

Early to bed & early to rise makes your girlfrienf go out with other guys!!!

One More...

2 sperms 2 each other...
1st: When I am fertilised & go out of here I'll become a doctor...
2nd: I'll be an engineer...

this guy jerks off...

Dejected sperms: he ruind our careers!!!

One more...

A lady goes to a dentist for tooth extraction. She lies on the bed and lifts her skirt.

Doc: I am not a gynaecologist.

Lady: I want to get my hubby's tooth removed!!!

2006-11-16 19:14:58 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-16 18:41:04 · 4 answers · asked by V-Tel 1

2006-11-16 18:38:53 · 8 answers · asked by V-Tel 1

Answer: Closed for the Winter

2006-11-16 18:13:59 · 10 answers · asked by marsha 3

whats the difference between a blonde and a 747 ?????

2006-11-16 18:10:26 · 6 answers · asked by toppopsy 3

2006-11-16 17:58:41 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

OK, THIS DUDE PUT HIS GREEN PAINTED PANTS IN THE LAUNDRY AND WHEN HE TOOK THEM OUT HE PUT THEM ON AND WENT TO MAKE OUT WITH HIS WIFE. SHE SCREAMED AND GRABBED A KNIFE AND STARTED TRYING TO CUT HIS DICK OFF! WHAT HAPPENED!

2006-11-16 17:48:20 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

BECAUSE HE'S FREAKING HAIRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-16 17:43:48 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Seriously, who went and wondered, 'I wonder what it would feel like to have someone's tongue in my mouth...?' I do not believe that it was the french.

2006-11-16 17:20:20 · 6 answers · asked by Smo 4

Sad News!



Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man
and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crummy day and kneads it.

2006-11-16 17:16:04 · 13 answers · asked by jloren 2

> I think a letter similar to this was around before. However, I got a few
laughs from the one below!
> So the story goes:
> My wife received this letter from Walmart! (I was
> only having fun while waiting for my wife to shop.)
> Dear Mrs. Rightmyer,
> Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Gene
> Rightmyer, has been causing quite a commotion in our
> store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and
> have considered banning the entire family from
> shopping in any of our stores. We have documented
> all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
> Three of our clerks are attending counselling from the
> trouble your husband has caused. All complaints
> against Mr. Rightmyer have been compiled and are listed
> below. Please discuss this situation with your husband.
> Although we appreciate your business, should there be
> further incidents, we shall take further action.
> Wal-Mart Complaint Department MEMO
> Re: Mr. Gene Rightmyer - Complaints:
> 15 Things Mr. Gene Rightmyer has done while his spouse
> was shopping:
> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
> them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to
> go off at 5-minute intervals.
> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
> leading to the restrooms.
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in
> an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and
> watched what happened.
> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put
> a bag of M&M's on layaway.
> 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to
> a carpeted area.
> 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping
> department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in
> if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
> 8. September 23: When ever a clerk asks if they can help
> him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people
> just leave me alone?"
> 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera;
> used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
> 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting
> department, asked the clerk if he knows where the
> anti-depressants are.
> 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
> loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
> 12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his
> "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
> 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
> people were browsing through, yelled "PICK ME!",
> "PICK ME!"
> 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the
> loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and
> screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
> 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
> door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly,
> "There is no toilet paper in here!"

2006-11-16 17:00:03 · 12 answers · asked by jloren 2

now i lay me down to sleep with a bag of peanuts at my feet,if i die before i wake,ill leave the peanuts for uncle jake

2006-11-16 16:53:11 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

One little girl in my wife's second grade class appeared to be on the verge of tears. Sharon took her aside and asked what was wrong. "My mommy is allergic to my new kitten," the girl said.

"Oh, that's too bad," sympathized Sharon. "Will you have to give her away?"

"No," the child sobbed. "Daddy says the kitten has to go."

2006-11-16 16:38:02 · 6 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most
unusual funeral procession A funeral coffin was followed by a second one
about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man
walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in
single line. The man couldn't stand his curiosity.





He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss,
and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral
like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?





" The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife. " What happened
to her? " !





The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her. "





He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin? "





The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when
the dog attacked and killed her also. "





A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first
one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog? "





The man replied "Join the queue."

2006-11-16 16:31:03 · 19 answers · asked by keekee 1

why smokey bears wife cant have kids?.....because every time she gets hot,he throws dirt on her.

2006-11-16 16:23:19 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

"Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.

"Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno," she replied.

"Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

2006-11-16 16:06:23 · 7 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

a guy rides in to town on friday,stays three days,and leaves on friday...how is this possible?

2006-11-16 15:48:24 · 15 answers · asked by D.L. 4