Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.

I think that's how Chicago and Detroit got started. Bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?

Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan.

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"

2006-09-15 17:01:52 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

The site is:
http://www.123giggle.com/jokes/gigglessearch.php?offset=675&search=

Any favorable votes for the one involving the WonderCorset would be appreciated.

2006-09-15 16:56:20 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cowboy walked into a drug store in Texas and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there was no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him.

The cowpoke said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The cowboy then agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it."

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is as follows: 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, and $3,000 a month living expenses."

2006-09-15 16:43:50 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.

Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and, therefore, unsafe.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Without ammunition, the USAF would just be another expensive flying club.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

The three most common expressions (aka famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?", and "Uh oh."

2006-09-15 16:41:42 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

l LOVE YANKIE DODLE RIDDLES AND I WANT TO HEAR SOME

2006-09-15 16:41:09 · 2 answers · asked by tata 1

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.


Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....


Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides



HAVE A GREAT DAY

2006-09-15 16:38:07 · 8 answers · asked by basscatcher 4

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me: Her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-skirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight toward my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in the car.

2006-09-15 16:36:58 · 16 answers · asked by .oh snap.london bridge.oh snap. 3

professional courtesy

2006-09-15 16:33:54 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

>Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
>
> >A. Ask your mother.
>
> >Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist?
>
> >A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
>
> >Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
>
> >A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
>
> >Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
>
> >A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
>
> >Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
>
> >A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
>
> >driving.
>
> >Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
>
> >A. No one to talk to during orgasm.

> >Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's butt?
>
> >A. A mechanic!

> >Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
>
> >A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
>
> >donuts.
>
> >Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
>
> >A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
>
> >Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?
>
> >A. The one with the dirty knees.
>
> >Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
>
> >A. A battery has a positive side.

> >Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sex A. "Honey, I'm home!"
>
> >Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
>
> >A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy

> >Q. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in
>
> >his sleep.
>
> >A. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
>
> >Q. How can you tell a macho women?
>
> >A. She rolls her own tampons.
>
> >Q: What's the leading cause of death among lesbians?
>
> >A: Hair balls.

>
> >Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
>
> >A: Because Kermit loves sweet and sour pork.

2006-09-15 16:31:39 · 9 answers · asked by basscatcher 4

After joining the Army, because he was previously a used car salesman Billy-Bob's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and because he was a good talker they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the G.I. insurance.

Before long, the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Billy-Bob was getting a 99% signup for the top G.I. insurance policy. This was odd, since it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for the extra coverage.

The Captain decided that he would not ask Billy-Bob about his selling techniques but would sit in the back of the room and observe his sales pitch.

Billy-Bob stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If'n y'all have normal G.I. insurance and go to Iraq and get killed, the government pays your Mama or your wife $6,000, right?"

The men murmured in agreement. "Now," he continued, "if'n y'all take out the supplemental G.I. insurance, which cost you only $30.00 a month, the government has to pay your Mama or your wife $200,000. See?"

The men nodded.

"OK," Billy-Bob concluded: "which bunch you think they gonna send to the most dangerous areas in Iraq first?"

2006-09-15 16:21:27 · 9 answers · asked by Woody 3

I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went up to the main desk to sign in and, the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out.

She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.

I said, "A folding bottle."

She said, "Okay, what do you call it?"

"A Fottle."

"What else do you have?"

"A folding carton."

"What do you call it?"

"A Farton."

She sniggered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."

I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.

2006-09-15 16:16:12 · 12 answers · asked by Woody 3

the homework assignment for third grade required each child to draw a picture of their parents, showing what they did for a living
the teacher looked at everyone’s homework the next day in class. 'josh, that’s a nice picture of a laboratory. is your mother a scientist?' asked the teacher
'yes,' he answered proudly. 'Claire, I’m guessing from your picture of sausages that you daddy is a butcher.'
'yes, he is,' replied Claire. but the teacher looked puzzled when she came to Benny’s picture of a house, decorated with red fairy lights.
'Benny, that’s a nice picture, but what exactly does your dad do?'
Benny announced, 'my dads a pimp in a whorehouse.' the teacher was shocked, and promptly changed the subject. that night she phoned Benny’s father. she told him about Benny’s picture and demanded an explanation
Benny’s father said, 'well, actually, I’m a politician, but how do I explain a thing like that to an eight year old kid?'

2006-09-15 16:14:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

that Micheal Jacksons favourite song is"I'm forever blowing bubbles"?

2006-09-15 16:08:01 · 5 answers · asked by fingers 69 1

Code:

01010111 01101111 01110111 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01101100 01101100 01111001 00100000 01001000 01011001 01010000 01000101 01010010 00100000 01001000 01011001 01010000 01000101 01010010 00100000 01001000 01011001 01010000 01000101 01010010 00100000 01001000 01011001 01010000 01000101 01010010 00100000 01001000 01011001 01010000 01000101 01010010 00100000 01001000 01011001 01010000 01000101 01010010 00100000 01001000 01011001 01010000 01000101 01010010 00100000 01001000 01011001 01010000 01000101 01010010 00100000 01001000 01011001 01010000 01000101 01010010 00100000 00100001 00100001 00100001 00100001

2006-09-15 16:07:45 · 8 answers · asked by Family Tech Support 3

"Wait'll you hear this!" said a guy to his friends as he arrived for their regular nightly drinking session. "Last night a burglar broke into my house!"

"Did he get anything?" his friends asked.

"He sure did!" the guy said. "A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a concussion!"

"But you were here with us!" one of his buddies said. "How did all that happen?"

"Well," the guy said, tossing back his first one of the evening. "It was really late and my wife figured it was me coming home drunk, and trying to sneak in through the window!"

2006-09-15 16:07:40 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hope you enjoy, Let me know!

> Quickie #1
> One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
>very sexy nightie.
> "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
> So he tied her up and went fishing.

> Quickie #2
>
> A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran
>into the house.
> She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
>pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
> The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>mountain stuff?"
> "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
>
> Quickie #3
>
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
>the other is a husband.
>
> Quickie #4
>
> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
> First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
> The optician showed him a card with the letters:
> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
> "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>
> Quickie #5
>
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
>must tell you all
> something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
> "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
>chardonnay."
>
> Quickie #6
>
> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
>You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
>need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
>going to STICK!
> Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
>you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
>your mind?
> Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
>Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
> The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
>think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
>when I'm driving."
>
> Quickie #7
>
> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North
> Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
> On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
> That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
> On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
> That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
> On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
> The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years

2006-09-15 16:02:50 · 12 answers · asked by basscatcher 4

The boss of a big company who needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "ME"

2006-09-15 16:00:29 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

The code is yet again in binary....

Code:
01001000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01110111 01101111 01101111 01100100 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110111 01101111 01101111 01100100 00100000 01100011 01101000 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100011 01101000 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01101001 01100110 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110111 01101111 01101111 01100100 00100000 01100011 01101000 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01100011 01101000 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01110111 01101111 01101111 01100100 00111111

2006-09-15 15:53:44 · 14 answers · asked by Family Tech Support 3

on visiting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in bed, frantically leafing through the bible
"what are you doing?' asked the friend
"just looking for loopholes," replied the lawyer

2006-09-15 15:51:24 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ook (i LUbB MY tYpIN StlYE...if U DOnT whO CArEz??)

OOk...sO itS dIS gUy IN A roOm wiTh nO WINdoWs aND a dOor..AnD he IS haNGIN frOm a ROpe dEad....Wat HAppeN???...

2006-09-15 15:42:46 · 9 answers · asked by Ms. klOHe 2

32=Dwwf
5=Moabt
11=Poaft
9=Pitts

2006-09-15 15:37:59 · 5 answers · asked by elidalady 1

A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a
kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up
into the air, it comes crashing down. This goes
on for awhile when his wife sticks her head out
of the front door and yells, "You need more
tail".

The father turns to his son and says, "Son, I'll
never understand your mother. I told her
yesterday I needed more tail, and she told me to
go fly a kite".

2006-09-15 15:32:13 · 24 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-09-15 15:31:27 · 8 answers · asked by fingers 69 1

Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total" says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." Pooooof!

With a blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can EVER come into our precious state."

Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries..

The American engineer asks, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall".

The Genie explains , "Well, it's 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds these countries........ it's virtually
impenetrable. Now what is your wish?"

The American engineer smiles and says, "Fill it with water."

Pooooof!

PEACE ! !

2006-09-15 15:21:42 · 10 answers · asked by basscatcher 4

The code:

01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01000011 01101111 01110111 00100000 01001010 01110101 01101101 01110000 01100101 01100100 00100000 01001111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01001101 01101111 01101111 01101110

2006-09-15 15:21:33 · 11 answers · asked by Family Tech Support 3

Because a blonde has something to do on a friday night!

2006-09-15 15:19:04 · 5 answers · asked by isaac a 3

I am your constant companion.I am your greatest helper or burden.
I am easily managed.I am not a machine,though I work with the precision of one and the intellegence of a human.I'll make you or break you.
Who am I ?

2006-09-15 15:14:22 · 12 answers · asked by Tati ;) 1

Please be careful. This person has found her way into my house and could also go to yours.



A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was!




She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.





The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all gone!

I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing.


Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate-especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.


She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers. She has done other things-like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knob and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.

Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.


Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!


I hope she never finds out where YOU live



She got in my house, make sure you lock the doors.

2006-09-15 15:13:46 · 17 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress-$5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more tha! n enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unab le to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

2006-09-15 15:06:34 · 15 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2006-09-15 15:04:49 · 7 answers · asked by bhgyth 2