If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.
I think that's how Chicago and Detroit got started. Bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."
If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?
Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan.
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"
2006-09-15 17:01:52 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Someone actually complimented me on my driving today! They left a note. It said "parking fine". I thought that was so sweet!
2006-09-15 17:08:43 · answer #1 · answered by GiGi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
happy early birthday... i grew to become 18 precisely one month in the past right this moment... are not getting in worry mutually with your mom and dad, cuz now they are in a position to legally kick you out. are not getting in worry with the regulation, cuz now they are in a position to place you interior the huge slammer. do not sleep with 12 year olds no rely how plenty they beg, cuz now you will legally be a pedophile. and that's approximately it. solid success. it feels no diverse than the different age, quite. different than now you're previous.
2016-10-15 01:22:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny!
2006-09-15 18:04:33 · answer #3 · answered by Courage 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice.
2006-09-15 17:04:23 · answer #4 · answered by Pantherempress 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aspirin is not good to take it in excess
take care, better to drink clamato, it works good!
2006-09-15 17:06:09 · answer #5 · answered by JAD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im in a hurry so excuse me if i cant read that.
2006-09-15 19:52:09 · answer #6 · answered by May 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
heh heh so true lol ♥
2006-09-17 15:55:50 · answer #7 · answered by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
funny. lol
2006-09-19 11:34:05 · answer #8 · answered by butterfly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL. I like'em. LOL.
2006-09-16 08:42:38 · answer #9 · answered by jfmm 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋