Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

Little Johnny had a dream that his his grandma was going to die. The next day she did in fact die. Later that night, he had another dream that his grandpa would die. Next day, his grandpa died.
He told his parents about the dreams and they just told him that it was coincidence and not to worry about it.

He went to bed that night and had a dream that night that his father died. He woke up and went into his parents bedroom to check on his father. They told him to go back to sleep and that everything was fine.

The next morning his father was still alive. Johnny was so happy. Then they heard something on the front porch. They opened the door and saw that the mailman had dropped dead on their porch.

2006-09-30 04:06:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-30 04:05:43 · 27 answers · asked by hotfeat 2

If I had overtaken the last person in the competition, what was my position in the competition ?

2006-09-30 03:54:51 · 7 answers · asked by suresh k 6

Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. They are putting me down. Oh no, says the first dog, why? The second dog says,"Well, you see... I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep. The second dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also.

The third dog said,"This is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes. This makes me very horny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I jumped on her a gave it to her good!" The other dogs say, " so' that's why they are putting you to sleep?" No says the dog, "She is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped!"

2006-09-30 03:43:26 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

He has been arrested for rustling...... *grins*

2006-09-30 03:14:05 · 15 answers · asked by Jens 5

looking for the correct and funniest answer

2006-09-30 03:07:26 · 13 answers · asked by Cat 2

I heard one yesterday which wasn't very nice so nice ones please

2006-09-30 02:52:46 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

visit: http://funnies.com/gooddaymate.htm

2006-09-30 02:42:31 · 13 answers · asked by Electric 7

2006-09-30 02:38:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

thanks

2006-09-30 02:32:16 · 12 answers · asked by Mr. Owl 3

tell me a better joke than this!

There were these 3 guys on a plane and they had to share a row of seats,2 were russian and 1 was american. When the plane took off the american had to go to the bathroom. He wasnt wearing his shoes and he left them at his seat. The two russians were drinking coke and when the american was gone one of the russians spit in the americans shoe. The american got back and soon he went to get some peanuts. The other russian spit in the americans shoe. When the plane landed the american put his shoes on and said'' common guys,cant we just all get along, we are spittin in eachother shoes peeing in eachothers cokes!

2006-09-30 02:24:15 · 11 answers · asked by supersteve713 3

okay, there is this foriegn kid who goes to a new skool. The teacher asks him Hello, what is ur name? he answers, My name is Buttitches. THe teacher says tell me ur name or ill send u down to the principals office. so he says my name is Buttitches. The teacher sends him down to c the principal. The principal asked the kid what is ur name? He answers my name is Buttitches. The principal sed if u dont tell me ill send u home!! So the boy says his name is Buttitches. As the boy left to go home, he came across a group of gangsters. THe gangsters said hey kid want to be in our gruop? The boy was like ya ya. So the head gang member asked him so whats ur name? He answered my name is Buttitches. The member sed if the boy wldnt tel him wat his name was he was guna shoot him in the head. So the boy sed my name is Buttitches. At the boys funneral his mother cried and cried and sobbed my poor little Buttitchis!! And the gang sed Lady dont tell us if ur butt itches just itch it jeez!! lol

2006-09-30 02:03:37 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-30 02:03:07 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-30 01:48:26 · 15 answers · asked by skateboardingste 2

in a electrical circuit you have a + and a -
so when does one become the other

2006-09-30 01:37:41 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

there were 3 ants marching in line
the 1st ant said 2 ants are behind me
the 2nd ant said one ant is infront of me and no ant is behind me
but the 3rd ant said 2 ants ARE infront of me!!
....................
mmmm

2006-09-30 01:35:09 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-30 01:30:13 · 23 answers · asked by Spreading The Word 1

2006-09-30 01:29:46 · 20 answers · asked by Spreading The Word 1

2006-09-30 01:29:22 · 17 answers · asked by Spreading The Word 1

2006-09-30 01:28:54 · 15 answers · asked by Spreading The Word 1

2006-09-30 01:28:20 · 5 answers · asked by Spreading The Word 1

2006-09-30 01:27:27 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-30 01:26:59 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-30 01:25:54 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-30 01:25:17 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-30 01:24:27 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

your deep deep deep underground in a cave thousands of years old you have a box of matches in your pocket and a map in your hand, your helmet is on your head and your phone in your pocket with no signal.
you find a peice of string when you pull it the enterence caves in
its pitch black and you need to see a way out
in your bag you have
1) a oil lamp with oil
2) some straw
3) a news paper
4) a can of beans

what you you light first

2006-09-30 01:21:46 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy and a girl were in a bar. They started talking and decided to go back to the guy's house. When they got there the man took off his shirt and said, "This is 1,000 pounds of dynamite."
The girl was sweating.
Then he took off his pants and said, "This is another 1,000 pounds of dynamite."
By now, the girl wanted to jump on him. Then he took off his boxers and the girl started to run for the door.
The guy asked, "Whats wrong? Where are you going?"
The girl said, "With 2,000 pounds fo dynamite and such a short fuse, I thought you were going to blow."

2006-09-30 01:14:16 · 20 answers · asked by Pd 6

This guy living on the 20th floor in an apartment building got up early each morning to go to work in a downtown store. He always went into the elevator on the 20th floor and rode down to the entrance (1st floor). When he came home he always rode the elevator from the entrance and up to the 8th floor. He walked out of the elevator and walked the stairs up to his apartment on the 20th floor.

2006-09-30 01:13:54 · 10 answers · asked by l_mahatma_l 1

on a mission in the north pole, 2 scientists are digging a hole, all of a sudden the floor bellow them colapses.
they fall into a cave where they find 2 frozen bodys,
the lead scientist says ooh thats adam and eve 100% sure
the other scientists ask how do u know
the lead scientist says they are missing somthing that everyone in the world has

how did he know?

2006-09-30 01:13:37 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous