Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Mary had a little lamb
It strolled to close to a pylon.
40,000 volts shot up it's a**
And turned it's wool to nylon.

2006-08-10 02:43:46 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

even the word fart is wonderfull to say expecialy whaen you say it slowly and loudly ttry it
see what i mean?

2006-08-10 02:40:17 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

have you ever ben stuck in an elivator,i have . what if you were and sudenly you feel a big ol' bean bomb building up,iv ben there
what if every one farted at once
would we all die in an elivator smotered to death by a fart coctail

2006-08-10 02:37:10 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Get back to me ifyou can.

2006-08-10 02:34:08 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok, ok, so my last question was kinda tough... This should make up for it:

A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of £50 notes out of his wallet.
He turns to the rich man and says to him,
"I have an amazing talent: I know almost every song that has ever existed."
The rich man laughs.
The poor man says, "I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it."
The rich man laughs again and says, "OK, how about my daughter's name, Joanna Armstrong-Miller?"
The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich.

What song did he sing?

2006-08-10 02:32:52 · 16 answers · asked by ...o(_insert witty comment_) 3

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ??
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan .And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But? what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother,Noe
Wan was involved in an accident.
Noe Wan got? injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now,? Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital
from the accident that isn't an urgent matter!
You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
?Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

2006-08-10 02:30:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

visit http://www.jokes4ever.co.uk
and help me get 2 million hits by 31st december 2006 thank you 4 your help and assistance

2006-08-10 02:13:52 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.depend.com/?iq_id=69224&WT.srch=1&WT.mc_id=69224

2006-08-10 02:12:16 · 4 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

2006-08-10 02:11:31 · 11 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

have you ever farted so violently your @ss hurt ?

2006-08-10 02:09:01 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-10 02:07:06 · 27 answers · asked by roldz 1

What "letter" has been removed from these words?

be_d
c_r
g_s
pul_r
s_nly

There are not different letters for each word!

2006-08-10 02:06:28 · 13 answers · asked by ...o(_insert witty comment_) 3

Alright. What phrase has four words, in which the two last words start with the same letter " M ", the first word starts with an " M " also, but upside down, and the second word can be spelt with one letter if laziness occurs.

2006-08-10 01:48:09 · 12 answers · asked by Jax 2

If you don't know duck tape is, you might know it as gaffa/gaffer tape or elephant tape.

2006-08-10 01:41:14 · 2 answers · asked by Steve-Bob 4

Follow these steps and see if you can figure this out.

1) Get a big brown, cardboard box.
2) Get some bright purple, orange, and turquoise paints.
3) Paint the box orange.
4) Paint on purple spots.
5) Paint on turquoise stripes.
7) Turn the painted box upside down.
8) Lie on your side.

What is missing from this sequence?

2006-08-10 01:31:42 · 10 answers · asked by ...o(_insert witty comment_) 3

She asked Susie to stand up and tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated.

Susie stood up, shuffled her feet and said, "Well, I think I know, but I'm too embarrassed to tell you."

The teacher said, "Sit down, Susie. Johnny, tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its size when stimulated."

Johnny said, "That's easy. The pupil of the eye enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated by light."

The teacher said, "That's right, Johnny."

Then she turned to Susie and said, "Susie, first of all, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, when you get married, you're in for a big disappointment."

2006-08-10 01:26:04 · 23 answers · asked by Sherry Baby ( Ethan's Mama ) 6

There once was this deacon and this preacher, and they had been friends for a long time. One day the deacon got sick and was put in the hospital, so the preacher decided to go and see his old friend.
When he walked into the hospital room, the preacher noticed all the hoses and medical equipment attached to the deacon. The preacher walked over and kneeled by the bed and asked, ''How ya doing?''

The deacon motioned at a pad and pen on the nightstand. ''You want that?'' the preacher asked him, and the deacon nodded his head yes. So the preacher handed his friend the pad and pen and the deacon began to write. All of a sudden the deacon died.

At his funeral, the preacher was asked to deliver the service. ''He was a good man and I'll never forget him,'' the preacher said, ''I was with him when he died and as a matter of fact I have his last thought in my coat pocket here.''

The preacher reaches into his pocket and pulls out the paper. ''Please, get up! You're kneeling on my oxygen hose!''

2006-08-10 01:25:36 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a ***** to death with the chair!"

2006-08-10 01:12:41 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q:how many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:none, they just sit in the dark and cry.

Q:how many emo kids does it take to paint a wall?
A:depends how hard you throw them at it.

Q: what's better than 50 emo kids nailed to a tree?
A: one emo kid nailed to 50 trees.

anyone got anymore?

2006-08-10 01:00:30 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

first time here so here it goes

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched
silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
"When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband

2006-08-10 00:53:10 · 14 answers · asked by julie r 1

i have studied enough but the teacher said that it is two difficult and i am afraid of this physics exam

2006-08-10 00:38:00 · 6 answers · asked by star 1

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way BUT

NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

Take the time to live!!!

Life is too short, Dance naked ;-)

2006-08-10 00:11:54 · 11 answers · asked by Pd 6

Mrs Pilkinton is desperate for Hippo to get a hobby as he is always under her feet in the day time.

Hippo has decided that he would like to start ice skating. Unfortunately, Goose keeps telling him he would look like a bender!

What shoud Hippo do?

2006-08-10 00:06:17 · 5 answers · asked by markhatter 6

2006-08-09 23:31:50 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

who ever makes me laugh gets 10 big ones!

2006-08-09 23:27:28 · 17 answers · asked by Baby pink 2

2006-08-09 23:26:45 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-09 23:22:27 · 8 answers · asked by orion 3

1 - Smokey
2 - Billy Boy
3 - Jacko
4 - Tin-Tin
5 - Charles Kittens
6 - not a cat at all

2006-08-09 22:47:44 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-09 22:41:59 · 12 answers · asked by Jorge L 1

just take your first pets name then your mothers maiden name mine is twinkle dave whats yours??

2006-08-09 22:28:13 · 40 answers · asked by Baby pink 2