Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

I like "Confucius says, man who walks sideways in airport, likely going to Bangkok"

2006-08-10 07:02:58 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

On their wedding night, the young bride

approached her new

husband and asked for $20.00 for their first

lovemaking encounter. In

his highly aroused state, her husband readily

agreed.



This scenario was repeated each time they made

love, for more

than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a

cute way for her to

afford new clothes and other incidentals that

she needed.



Arriving home around noon one day, she was

surprised to find

her husband in a very drunken state.

During the next few minutes, he explained that

his employer

was going through a process of corporate

downsizing, and he had

been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of

59, he'd be able to find

another position that paid anywhere near what

he'd been earning, and

therefore, they

were financially ruined.



Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which

showed more than thirty

years of steady deposits and interest totaling

nearly$1 million. Then she

showed him certificates of deposits issued

by the bank which were worth over $2 million,

and informed him that they

were one of the largest depositors in the bank.



She explained that

for the more than

three decades she had "charged" him for sex,

these holdings had multiplied

and these were the

results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments

worth over $3

million, her husband was so astounded he could

barely speak, but

finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If

I'd had any idea what you

were doing, I would have given you all my

business!"



That's when she shot him.



You know, sometimes, men just don't know when

to keep their mouths shut

2006-08-10 07:00:12 · 10 answers · asked by maria f 2

There is a state in America where if found guilty of murder you *must* recieve the death penalty.
A man in this state commits a murder, goes to court, and pleads guilty, and is found guilty, but doesn't recieve the death penalty. Why?
PLEASE HELP! IT'S REALLY BUGGING ME.
nb. he didn't kill himself, he is not a robot

2006-08-10 06:56:57 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are 2 rooms w/ no windows & 1 automatic door you can only go through once. There are 3 light switches & 3 light bulbs. How do you determine which switch turns on which light bulb?

2006-08-10 06:56:49 · 4 answers · asked by Stumped on a Riddle 1

Because the white man killed the only one who had a dream
(DR. MLK)

it was funny I thought but I am sure I will get reported, oh well

2006-08-10 06:54:27 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-10 06:52:41 · 23 answers · asked by ednabiggestandbest 1

Слава Богу сегодня - пятница

2006-08-10 06:51:24 · 5 answers · asked by WendyD1999 5

can you guess my real first name? Here's a hint. It is the first name of a character in a famous tv show with a bunch of teens in it that premiered in 1998. It is very unusual. I have never come across anyone else with this first name except for the one in the show. There was also an actor years ago that had this name as his last name and he was a real ladie's man. His first name started with an "R". What is my first name? First one that guesses correctly gets 10 points!

2006-08-10 06:48:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Classic one - How do you make a kleenex dance? - You put a little boogie in it.

2006-08-10 06:41:56 · 11 answers · asked by offspringkin 3

2006-08-10 06:40:44 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

finish this statement, but not with the obvious "but words may never hurt me". Funniest answer get 10 big ones!

2006-08-10 06:33:13 · 17 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

at the bottom of the hill down in dingly dell............. here he sold contraceptives.

2006-08-10 06:26:31 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Serious headache, someone please make me laugh (jokes)


please dont tell me question has been asked before


thanks in advance :-)

2006-08-10 06:24:21 · 7 answers · asked by playful 3

riddles and more of naughty jokes

2006-08-10 06:12:27 · 9 answers · asked by kevin n 1

he didn't have any GUTS ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-10 06:10:31 · 4 answers · asked by momofseven 1

Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office.



"Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today."



Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief.



He buries his face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God".



"Mr. President," says Cheney, "we lose soldiers all the time, and it's terrible. But I've never seen you so upset.



What's the matter?"



Bush looks up and says..."How many is a Brazilian?"

2006-08-10 06:05:19 · 17 answers · asked by Brian R 2

Schwarzenegger has a big one
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use his.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it?

2006-08-10 05:59:15 · 14 answers · asked by archangelmiss 2

One with the best reason will get 10

2006-08-10 05:57:10 · 67 answers · asked by type-R 2

i wanna,shutdown,,this chat romm,,please??

2006-08-10 05:26:12 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

5 geckos (lizards) are climbing up to the ceilings.

Then they stop when they just realize then one of them is having his birthday today.

So the geckos clap their hands to respect their friend

How many geckos left in the ceilings?

2006-08-10 05:20:19 · 55 answers · asked by BlueeyCrackers 2

1) dad, 2 sons, mom, 2 daughters, maid, dog. gotta get all of em over to the other side of river (boat only holds two, adult must be in to drive). if dad isn't there mom beats up sons. if mom isn't there dad beats up daughters. if maid isn't there dog bites everybody.
2) ken nedy (exp mind/matter)
3) lang4uage
4) ______it
5) podpodpod
6) 2222222 day
7) revird taes
8) t_rn
9) son junior
10) What is broken every time it's spoken?


bonus (super hard)

12 tennis balls, and one of them is a fraction lighter OR heavier (you don't know!). you have a scale that will tell the truth but only can be used 3 times. how do you find the odd ball (it is possible. list all scenarios)

2006-08-10 05:18:18 · 8 answers · asked by asdfjkl; 2

How many pancakes does it take to build a doghouse?

(Hint: There are no bones in Ice Cream.)

2006-08-10 05:16:18 · 17 answers · asked by xiannah 2

......a man walked by and said "Wow, this is a very well preserved Adam and Eve" This man was absolutely 100% correct. How did he know beyond a question of a doubt it was the real deal?

(If you know the answer, please don't ruin it for the others...thanks)

2006-08-10 05:11:54 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Party at my house... Free Liqour... all you can drink... We are celebrating so you can be happy!! bring your friends...mostly girls.. and then we can enjoy till we are wasted!! don't drive drunk... please have a designated driver.. other than that... Let's party!! who's wants to come?? must be 17 and up... 21 and up to drink... SIKE!! everyone can drink!! just be careful!

2006-08-10 05:10:01 · 12 answers · asked by poplockerbreaker 1

A grandpa goat and and kid goat are looking over hill at the female goats. The kid says to the grandpa " pa i want that one". The grandpa goat says what?

2006-08-10 05:09:59 · 14 answers · asked by glenn s 2

2006-08-10 05:05:05 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Name a bird whose name contains the name of another bird.

2006-08-10 05:02:48 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

If a barrel is empty but heavy how can you make it lighter

2006-08-10 05:01:32 · 14 answers · asked by glenn s 2

2006-08-10 04:59:10 · 8 answers · asked by Sweepy 3

if u seriously make me laugh or even giigle ill give u best answer!1

2006-08-10 04:58:14 · 11 answers · asked by me && myself 3