can u make me laugh?

Question

if u seriously make me laugh or even giigle ill give u best answer!1

Answer 1

how about a yo momma joke:
your momma is so fat and old that God didn't say "Let there be light" he said "Biitch get out the way"

and
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named you daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom Ann, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce, "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
"Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

Answer 2

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. One day she asked Johnny what his problem was he replied, "I'm too smart for the first grade, my sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than her to." The teacher took him to the principals office and explained the situation to the principal.

The principal told her that he would give Johnny a test, and if he failed to answer one question he would have to go back to the first grade and be quiet.

The teacher and Johnny both agreed.

Principal: "what is 3 x 3" Johnny: "9"

Principal: "6 x 6" Johnny: "36"

And so it went on like this, the principal asked him every question a third grader should know. Finally after about an hour he told the teacher "I see no reason Johnny can't go to the third grade, he answered all of my questions right."

The teacher asked if she could ask him some questions. The principal and Johnny agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have 4 of that I only have 2 of? Johnny: "Legs"

Teacher: "What do you have in your pants that I don't have?" the principal gasps but before he can stop him from answering Johnny says, "pockets"

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Johnny: "Pants"

Teacher: "What starts with F and ends with K and means a lot of excitement?" Johnny: "Firetruck"

The principal breaths a big sigh of relief and says "Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I got the last 4 questions wrong myself.

Answer 3

A trainee pilot and a professional pilot went on a test run but the professional had a heart attack,so the trainee called for help and when he got a responce he said......
Trainee:The pilot has just had a heart attack.
Air controller:Ok can you tell me how high you are.
Trainee:How the hell am i supposed to know that.
Air controller:There is a Altimeter on the dash board.
Trainee:Ok i see it,im at 10.000 feet
Air controller:Ok now we are getting somewhere,what speed are you doing.
Trainee:I don't know!
Air controller:There is an air speed indicator on the instrument panel.
Trainee:I see it,I'm going 150 mph.
Air controller:How much cloud is there where you are.
Trainee:All i can see is tree's and fields,i think I'm upside down.
Air controller,What makes you think that,at first you didn't even know how high you were and how fast you were going so how do you know
Trainee:I can feel the sh*t running past my collar and up my face.

Answer 4

here read this i will be waiting for my points

Quickies (don't get to excited about this one, it's not what you
think!)

One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
Very sexy nightie.


Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went fishing.


Quickie #2
A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran
into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her
lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."


Quickie #3
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
The other is a husband.


Quickie #4
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed
him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Quickie #5
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the
convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
chardonnay."

Quickie #6
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM
NOW!
We
Need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK!

Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have
you
LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
Think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
When I'm driving."

Quickie #7
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That
afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That
Afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has
Been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Answer 5

i can but if you laugh at my funny joke i guess!!


Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they're on the tenth hole. Moses hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green. Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus' ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it and a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle that walks over to the hole and drops it in. Moses turns to Jesus and says, ''I hate it when your dad plays!''
LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL
hope you enjoyed!!

Answer 6

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 7

http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/doughboy.htm

go poke da doughboy

Answer 8

ohhhh! this is very complicated!!! how can i make my funny faces over the internet so they can reach u ??? so you can laugh!!!

Answer 9

i cant but u can make urself laugh,............. just think of one of the best or funniest moment of ur life..........

Answer 10

LOUD NOISES!!!!!!!!!!