Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-11 00:09:35 · 11 answers · asked by pompeyfc 3

My thunder rolls beneath me, my lightning flares above. I dust the crust, and when i bust, all i touch will i shove.

2006-08-11 00:07:52 · 9 answers · asked by pompeyfc 3

Golden treasures i contain, guarded by hundreds. Stored in a labyrinth where no man walks, yet men come often to seize my gold. By smoke i am overcome and robbed, then left to build my treasure anew.

2006-08-11 00:06:23 · 25 answers · asked by pompeyfc 3

Jessica dropped an earring in her coffee but the earring did not get wet. How could this be?

2006-08-11 00:04:28 · 23 answers · asked by pompeyfc 3

• Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

• Two old ladies were attending a rather long church service. One leaned over & whispered: My butt is going to sleep. 'I know,' replied the other, 'I heard it snore three times.'

• Heght of optimism:
Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded!
Major: Excellent! We can attack in any direction now!

• Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that's where you get your shitty ideas from!

2006-08-10 23:54:13 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-10 23:50:15 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

SUPPOSE
A=B=1 ( ALL HAVE SAME VALUE )

A=B

AB=BB (OR B SQUARE )-----MULTIPLY BOTH SIDES BY B

AB-AA=BB-AA ( ie., MINUS AA FROM BOTH SIDES )

A(B-A)=(B+A)(B-A) -----TAKE a COMMON & USE FORMULA FOR B SQUARE MINUS A SQUARE - SIMPLE MATHS

A=(B+A) -------- CANCEL (B-A) FROM BOTH SIDES- SIMPLE

1=1+1 --------- SUBSTITUTE THE VALUE

1=2 -------- SIMPLE MATHS


NOW HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE

10 POINTS FOR FIRST CORRECT ANSWER

JAY

2006-08-10 23:48:37 · 30 answers · asked by jay Z 4

2006-08-10 23:39:05 · 8 answers · asked by Spook 3

When the day after tomorrow is yesterday, today will be as far from wednesday as today was from wednesday when the day before yesterday was tomorrow, what is the day after this day?

2006-08-10 23:36:41 · 22 answers · asked by pompeyfc 3

to arrest all the people who have blurry, heavily pixilated faces and who move in a stop, start jerky motion. When will the police realise this?

2006-08-10 23:28:56 · 7 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

If you lose your right nut in an accident, is your remaining nut still your left nut?

2006-08-10 23:26:16 · 10 answers · asked by gnomus12 6

2006-08-10 23:25:48 · 8 answers · asked by 11 1

2006-08-10 23:20:02 · 6 answers · asked by JoeSchmo5819 4

Quiz

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a
valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same
speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car
and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at
ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling
at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
































Answer:
Get off the children's carousel and, next time, don't drink so much

2006-08-10 23:19:30 · 11 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

The Difference Between Theory And Reality?

One Day A Young Boy Asks His Dad What's The Difference Between Theory And Reality. The Dad Says "Well Go Ask Your Mother If She'd Sleep With The Milk Man For A Million Dollars?" So The Son Goes And Asks His Mother If She Would And She Said "For A Million Dollars Hell Yeah I'd Sleep With Him".The Son Goes Back To The Father And Says She Would, But Still Doesnt See The Difference. So Then He Said Go Ask Your Sister If She Would Do The Same Thing For A Million Dollar, So He Does. And Of Course She Said She Would. So The Son Goes Back Again To The Father And Told him She Would. So The Son Asks The Father I Don't See The Difference Still And The Father Said " In Theory We Are Sitting On Two Million Dollars, But In Reality We Live With Two Whores"......

LMFAO ....... When My Uncle Told Me That It Had Me Rolling...Hope It Does The Same For You.

2006-08-10 23:13:53 · 6 answers · asked by iLL_TeK_NeekZ 4

mostage

2006-08-10 23:10:37 · 34 answers · asked by Dr3aM ChAs3r 1

wat makes ur mobile cell better than ur girlfriend ?

give me some reasons.....

i have only one reason------u can bye new cell with more options

2006-08-10 23:04:00 · 20 answers · asked by jay Z 4

This is more of a trivia question. Answer within the hour. First to get it right...or the cutest answer get 10 pts!

2006-08-10 22:57:41 · 4 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

There was a man who had 3 daughters and they each had a date on the same night. The man was very nervous because he did not trust any males with his girls. The first guy came to the door and the father checked him out and liked what he saw. The young man said " Hi my name is eddie I'm here to pick up betty we're going to have some spaghetti is she ready?" The father was impressed and he happily sent his daughter out for her date. The next guy came and he was dressed nicely also he said " Hi my name is joe i'm here to pick up flo we're going to a show is she ready to go?" The father was happy to send his next girl out. Now the dad is feeling pretty good knowing his girls have picked out some pretty nice young men. He waits with a smile on his face for the next guy. The guy comes up and the father thinks he looks even more respectful than the last two guys so he waits to hear the poem this one has made up. The guy say " Hi my name is chuck. The father slams the door and locks it.

2006-08-10 22:43:03 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a tire lying on a completely level ground. The tire is not attached to a wheel. It is raining at two inches per minute. If it will take three days of rain to make the water level with the tire, how long will it take for the water to engulf the tire, assuming the tire is five inches tall?

2006-08-10 22:41:28 · 25 answers · asked by ...o(_insert witty comment_) 3

A Woman's Poem
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked the **** out of him...
Like his MOTHER used to do.

2006-08-10 22:36:40 · 18 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

What are the two longest words in the English language that can be typed using only your left hand on a keyboard?

2006-08-10 22:25:26 · 19 answers · asked by ...o(_insert witty comment_) 3

Raquel Welch once belched and caused a marriage to be annulled.

2006-08-10 22:20:07 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

The last person to buy a round of drinks in Cardiff did so in 1837...and he was a cat.

2006-08-10 22:11:55 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

little Johnny and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls out a beer and the johnny says "Grandpa, can I have one of those?" Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" to which the little Johnny responds "No." "Then you can't have one."

A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I have on of those?" Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" to which the little boy responds "No." "Then you can't have one."

Later on, Grandpa and Grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but little Johnny says "I just won $50,000"

Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?" little Johnny asks, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?" "Yes," Says grandpa.



"Then go f yourself!"

2006-08-10 22:02:56 · 5 answers · asked by gogobanca 4

...and the entire place along with the whole staff get sucked down into the fiery pit for an eternity of justified torment?

Wouldn't that just be so much fun?

2006-08-10 21:52:37 · 6 answers · asked by Modest intellect 4

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "Beautiful" in the same sentences twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought My mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just freakin beautiful!'

2006-08-10 21:40:20 · 13 answers · asked by Rich 2

2006-08-10 21:36:03 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

osama bin laden , suicide bombers, fidel castro, hezbollah, palestinian,arab people, iraq, iran , terrorist,black people mike tyson,larry holmes, denzel washington, michael jordan ,hamas,communist,north korean. etc. this is the time to let your opinion be heard tell them whats your reason why u hate the american people so much if u cannot blown-up america then fight them in writting, the pen is mightier than the sword right

2006-08-10 21:35:09 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2) Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4) Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. 5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor.
7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
8) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.
9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
10) Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.
12) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.
13) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

2006-08-10 21:32:53 · 9 answers · asked by Rich 2