Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Over and over

Solve the puzzle by saying them out loud, over and over until you “hear” the answer. Example: LAWN SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles

These are places
1. Use Seal Lay
2. Hue Essay
3. Thin Worth Poll
4. Loss Fake Cussed Rip
5. Thief Lower Duck Ease
6. Pan Numb Hog Kin Now
7. Thick Hard Enough Heed Hen
8. Hike Up Hull Comb Egg Sicko
9. Mound Deaf Arrest
10. Lit Tell It All Lee

2006-08-10 17:40:49 · 14 answers · asked by ettezzil 5

2006-08-10 17:38:06 · 13 answers · asked by my_precious_wyatt 2

I need to stare at something to move it by Telekinesis... ??

2006-08-10 17:34:03 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who's quote is this?

"or as i call him, my son-in-lard...hahaha snap, snap"

first person for who says it and cartoon its from gets the points!

2006-08-10 17:27:32 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-10 17:26:13 · 8 answers · asked by alex n 1

What can run but cannot walk,
Has a mouth but cannot talk,
Has a head but never thinks,
Has a bed but never sleeps.

Please add details for your answer. Thx!

2006-08-10 17:24:39 · 17 answers · asked by Summer Rain 4

What state has the most water around it?

2006-08-10 17:00:42 · 12 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her she invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a
cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it, it was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but he couldn't & finally asked.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease."

Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"

2006-08-10 16:52:13 · 25 answers · asked by Pd 6

:)


NONE OF YOUR D**N BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!!



:) come on-- it's JUST a joke!!! Lighten up. And it's in the correct catagory.

2006-08-10 16:47:39 · 22 answers · asked by Coo coo achoo 6

2006-08-10 16:39:40 · 12 answers · asked by ניקול 4

A man visits God and says "God, do you mind if I ask you a
few questions?" God says "No, ask me anything at all."

So the man says "God, you've been around for a very long time,
so, for you, how long is a thousand years?"

God replies "For me, a thousand years is only five minutes."

The man then says "That's interesting God. And, for you,
how much is a million dollars?"

God replies "For me, a million dollars is only five cents."

The man says "Really? Well then God, could you lend me
five cents please?"

God looks at the man, smiles, and says "Of course my son.
Just wait five minutes!"

2006-08-10 16:36:35 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

was bankrupt. How couId this financiaI disaster be expIained?

2006-08-10 16:34:05 · 8 answers · asked by Starling 3

A plump little fellow,
all in red.
Wears a funny little green hat,
on his head.

2006-08-10 16:30:37 · 12 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at a university. It was a large wedding of about 300 guests..At the reception after the wedding , the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everybody for coming and to support them at his wedding.He especially wanted to thank the bride's family and his family not to mention his new father-in-law for providing a lavish reception. As a token for his appreciation he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyones chair including the wedding party was an envelope. He said this was his gift and encouraged all to open their envelope. Inside was an 8x10 glossy of his Bride having sex with the bestman.The groom had been suspicious weeks earlier and hired a P.I.to tail them. After watching the guests reaction he turned to the crowd and said "i'm outta here. Elegant wedding for 300 guests---32,000. The look on everyones face--PRICELESS!

2006-08-10 16:28:42 · 14 answers · asked by raven28031 1

A man has to get a fox, a chicken, and a sack of corn across a river. He has a rowboat, and it can only carry him and one other thing. If the fox and the chicken are left together, the fox will eat the chicken. If the chicken and the corn is left together, the chicken will eat the corn. How does the man do it?

2006-08-10 16:23:34 · 10 answers · asked by pebble 6

He is a very fast drinker
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

2006-08-10 16:18:44 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are trying to get to the the town of Norm where normal people live but in a town near by is the town of Cani where canibles live. You come to a fork in the road and there is a man standing there. You dont know if he is Norm (who always tell the truth) or a Cani(who always lie). What question do you ask to get you to the town of Norm?
Goodluck

2006-08-10 16:10:09 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

I know a word of letters three, add two and fewer there will be?

2006-08-10 16:05:03 · 19 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

2006-08-10 16:04:48 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man sits in a bar every night, and orders beers in sets of threes. After doing this for awhile, he begins to be known as "The Three Beers Man". The bartender finally gets up enough guts to ask him why he always orders three beers, the man replies,
"Well, I have three brothers, and we use to go to the bar together, until we all ended up moving to different places, so we agreed that everytime we wen to a bar, we'd have a drink for eachother."
So he did this for a few more weeks and then he suddenly started ordering beers in sets of twos. After a few days, the bartender comes up to him and says, "I'm sorry for your loss."
The man replies, "What do you mean?"
"Well, you've started ordering only two beers at a time, I just figured one of your brothers died."
"Oh, no," the man replies, "I just gave up drinking for Lent."

Give it a 1-5, with 1 being the lowest and 5 being the highest

2006-08-10 15:57:01 · 51 answers · asked by Erin A 2

What is it?

2006-08-10 15:56:36 · 11 answers · asked by Starling 3

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started.

"Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.”Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to sit down and relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "...let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."

2006-08-10 15:53:15 · 14 answers · asked by Alex 2

I can push, but I don't have hands.
I can wisper, but I don't have mouth.
What am I?

2006-08-10 15:53:13 · 9 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

There was a green house.
Inside the green house there was a white house
Inside the white house there was a red house.
Inside the red house there were lots of babies

2006-08-10 15:52:10 · 5 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.
The first guy said, ''Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.''

The second guy said, ''Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I got my DWI.''

The third guy says, "Man that was nothing. I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.''

Then the first guy said, ''No -- you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"

2006-08-10 15:44:57 · 13 answers · asked by Rich 2

There are some children in a class naming animals and they come across a picture of a deer.

So the teacher asks Bobby, “What is this animal called?”

“I dunno,” claims Bobby.

So then she says, “I'll give you a hint—it's what your mother calls your father.”

The boy thinks for a minute and then says, “Oh that's what a son of a ***** looks like!”

2006-08-10 15:40:14 · 7 answers · asked by Rich 2

A MAN RIDES INTO TOWN ON MONDAY
STAYS 3 DAYS.
AND LEAVES ON MONDAY.???
....HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

2006-08-10 15:30:19 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is driving with his lights off. then another car with a black man in a black car in a black shirt is right in front also with his lights off also, but they don't crash. How is it possible?

2006-08-10 15:21:19 · 12 answers · asked by dcsprouse001 2

http://www.hahahumor.com/funny-songs/chinesefood.htm

Thumb up or thumb down?

I still love chinese..minus the cat!
SmileyCat : )

2006-08-10 15:13:12 · 4 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

Because the Highway Patrol had Mel Gibson pulled over on this side.

2006-08-10 15:01:32 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous