what was/is the funniest comeback u ever heard?

Answer 1

whatever
Its funny because when you say it the person doesn't know whether they won the argument or lost it.

Answer 2

Wow. you're both f*cking idiots. Why no longer arise with your own "stinkin'" comebacks? i love what Est stated down there with the aid of ways. She also looks stupid as f*ck. also, LeFrench ought to like insulting human beings yet he/she (enable's anticipate it is a she) isn't very proficient at it both.

Answer 3

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 4

Mad Magazine, more snappy comebacks to ....

Executioner, (with hand on switch ready to throw the juice to the electric chair), says to the woman strapped in the chair: "So, what did you do, kill someone?"

Woman in chair: "No, I had too many parking tickets."

Executioner (throws switch): "About time you scofflaws got what you deserved."

Answer 5

i know you are!
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Hey, I may be fat, but you'll always be ugly, and I can diet.
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Man: So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
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Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too, if you sit down.
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Man: Do you want to dance?
Woman: NO
Man: Sorry, I think you misheard me...I said, You Look fat in those pants.
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Little Sister: Your Ugly.
You: And your quite good looking...for a Gorilla, that is...
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Do you notice how I've kept my youthful complexion?
Yeah, so I see...all spotty
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Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You are going to yours, and I'm going to mine.
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Man: So, what's your sign?
Woman: No Entry
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Man: I know how to please a Woman.
Woman: Well, please leave me alone.
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Friend: I've just come back from the Beauticians
You: Pity it was closed...
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Man: Please whisper those 3 little words that would make my day!
Woman: Go to hell
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Friend: I've changed my mind...
You: Excellent, so does the new one work better?
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Boss: Employees like that don't grow on trees you know...
You: How true Sir, they normally swing underneath them...
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Brother: Why do you smell funny?
You: It's called Soap - don't think you've ever smelt it before...
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Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a Female Impersonator.
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Man: Hey there, haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, and that's why I don't go there anymore.
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Man: Say, haven't we met before?
Woman: Yes, I'm the head Nurse at the VD clinic.
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Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: You know, you're dead right...I want you to go away!
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Wife: Darling, do you think I'll lose my looks as I get older
You: With luck, yes
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Work Colleague: Do you find me entertaining?
You: I reckon you are too dim to entertain a thought
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Old Wife: Shall I put the TV on? Old Man: Well it would certainly improve the view in here...
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You know, I've been asked to get married over a hundreds times.
Yeah, but your parents don't count...
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How many people work in your office?
About half of them
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Brother: I love biscuits
You: That's cuz your crackers
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You: I reckon you'd make a great exchange student.
Friend: Wow, you really think so?
You: Yes, we might be able to exchange you for someone nice.

Answer 6

i dun mean to be rude n i dun hv any grudge against tis person i really like her but its damn funny

Britney Spears

Answer 7

Don't make me slap your name out of the phonebook

Answer 8

i would of been your daddy but the rat beat me over thhe fence.. or when i want to hear from you ill just rattle my zipper...

Answer 9

Wife: Take out the garbage.
Hubby: You cooked it, you take it out.

Answer 10

what a douche rocket! works for me