Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say `as*' and I'll say `hell'".

All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast.
"Aw, hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios."
His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?"
"I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your as* it ain't gonna be Cheerios."

2006-08-11 03:11:17 · 15 answers · asked by roseseeth 1

if there's 5 apples, you take 3, how much do you have?

2006-08-11 03:09:04 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

How many clowns do you need to fill an empty house?

2006-08-11 03:00:22 · 15 answers · asked by miracleMB 3

I'll give you the answer when I pick the winner......

2006-08-11 02:53:49 · 14 answers · asked by ? 4

If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

It's only unethical if you get caught.

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

We put the "k" in "kwality."

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity!

A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

ABANDON ALL HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE.

Two days without a Human Rights Violation!

Your job is still better than asking, "You want fries with that?"

If at first you don't succeed, try management.

Never quit until you have another job.

The floggings will continue until morale improves!

2006-08-11 02:46:14 · 5 answers · asked by writer_girl20 3

2006-08-11 02:43:04 · 13 answers · asked by aryanz_rules 2

While sitting in her lounge chair drinking beer and watching a football game, Bertha Botherer decided to turn over a new leaf and get into shape. Bertha yelled out to her husband to go to the library and find her a book on physical fitness. When Mr. Botherer got to the library he saw a book with "How to Jog" on its spine. He took the book home. When Bertha finally glanced at the book several weeks later, she found that it had nothing to do with working off her excess pounds. Why?

2006-08-11 02:42:37 · 17 answers · asked by ...o(_insert witty comment_) 3

2006-08-11 02:42:23 · 17 answers · asked by Spotlight 5

can any one elaborate on this???

why will nature call us

2006-08-11 02:41:24 · 20 answers · asked by SWEETIE 1

2006-08-11 02:36:02 · 16 answers · asked by nickidee 2

If it takes 6 men, 6 days, to dig 6 holes... how long would it take 1 man to dig half a hole?

2006-08-11 02:34:09 · 23 answers · asked by pompeyfc 3

" I'll give you the answer when I pick the winner"....

2006-08-11 02:28:29 · 23 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-08-11 02:26:31 · 32 answers · asked by christine o 1

What two words meaning "task" and "high temperature" respectively, are anagrams of each other?

2006-08-11 02:20:14 · 8 answers · asked by ...o(_insert witty comment_) 3

There are 365 days in a year, 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute.


But how many seconds are there in a light year?

2006-08-11 02:11:46 · 30 answers · asked by ...o(_insert witty comment_) 3

2006-08-11 02:03:48 · 55 answers · asked by winner 1

Workmen play football Supervisors play cricket Officers play tennis CEOs pay golf.
Conclusion or Moral - As u go higher ur Balls get smaller!
****************************************
A farmer fixes a cow milking machine on his manhood and has a gr8 orgasm. But could not take it out. Refers to the manual & faints.
The manual said "AUTO RELEASE AFTER 5 LITRS"

2006-08-11 01:55:46 · 26 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-08-11 01:49:21 · 6 answers · asked by Sweepy 3

2006-08-11 01:39:07 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

What chocolate bar is the answer to the above riddle?
I am trying to complete a quiz and this is one of the questions.
Thanks.

2006-08-11 01:16:14 · 30 answers · asked by sprite 2

asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike!!"

2006-08-11 01:13:59 · 17 answers · asked by Sherry Baby ( Ethan's Mama ) 6

2006-08-11 01:11:00 · 20 answers · asked by ? 2

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v299/oedipa/?action=view¤t=Magic-Pullapartgirlwmv.flv

2006-08-11 01:00:41 · 21 answers · asked by XXSEXY66XX 3

Metal or bone i may be, many teeth i have and always bared, yet my bite harms no one and people delight in my touch.

2006-08-11 00:59:11 · 22 answers · asked by pompeyfc 3

2006-08-11 00:53:03 · 10 answers · asked by kalerei_fury 4

I'm not really more than holes tied to more holes, i'm strong as good steel, though not as stiff as a pole.

2006-08-11 00:51:52 · 20 answers · asked by pompeyfc 3

I'm in a window and in a lamp. I am clouded, i am shining. I'm coloured and set in white. I say much, but i have no words.

2006-08-11 00:47:48 · 32 answers · asked by pompeyfc 3

I have two arms, but fingers none. I have two feet, but cannot run. i carry well, but i have found. I carry best with my feet OFF the ground.

2006-08-11 00:45:23 · 11 answers · asked by pompeyfc 3

Does anyone have some funny links to chear me up please?

2006-08-11 00:45:13 · 7 answers · asked by ♪ GOTH CHICK♫ 3

2006-08-11 00:09:46 · 27 answers · asked by ? 2