Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two hookers and wind up taking them to their separate rooms.
The first dwarf gets his woman upstairs, but is soon disappointed, however, because he is too nervous to perform. Worse yet, his depression is increased by the fact that, from the next room, he hears loud cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UGGHHH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first answered, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't do it."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing... I couldn't even get up on to the bed!"


Why do Rednecks prefer sex doggy style?
- So they can both watch the Monster Truck Show on TV

2006-07-19 05:44:20 · 5 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

2006-07-19 05:41:19 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

like, what does this button do, this wont hurt will it?

2006-07-19 05:33:10 · 13 answers · asked by Peter B 3

An 80 something year old couple were walking in the country when the man said to his wife' how about us making love like we used to do 40 years ago, up against that fencewhere we carved our names.
They make love for hours, with arms legs and every other bit of their bodies pulsing together.
Finally the wife says, Albert, that was great ---- but we never made love as good or as long as that before.
Albert says, that's right Mary, but the bloody fence wasn't electrified 40 years ago

2006-07-19 05:32:12 · 13 answers · asked by surdy 2

Yeah --- I saw the police arresting two kids. One had been drinking battery acid and the other on had been eating fireworks.

The police decided to charge one and they let the other one off.

2006-07-19 05:17:05 · 24 answers · asked by surdy 2

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I Think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

Simple Kind Rules for answering.

1. If you have seen it before move on not everyone else has.

2. I posted this as a joke period. If jokes offend you don't read jokes
.
3. just enjoy the joke it is all i ask.

Hate to make my own rules up but I am tired of Rude Trolls.

2006-07-19 05:05:51 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-19 05:04:17 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I went to the doctor and told him that I can't stop singing 'The Green Green Grass of Home'
That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome he said.
What is it? Is it common?
It's not unusual

2006-07-19 05:02:23 · 6 answers · asked by surdy 2

Share your epitaphs, unusual tombstones, or other ghoulish humor you've seen in the graveyard. I'm not seeking ghost stories, unless it was an intended thing by the person planted there! I look forward to some great answers! Thanks!

2006-07-19 04:57:57 · 8 answers · asked by amuse4you 4

I went into the butchers shop the other day and bet him 50 dollars that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.

He said ' no, the steaks are too high'

2006-07-19 04:51:25 · 6 answers · asked by surdy 2

hint: has something to do with ribs

2006-07-19 04:49:42 · 3 answers · asked by Dam F 1

Yes , he went swimming in a big bowl of muesli and drowned.

The coronor's report said that a strong current pulled him in

2006-07-19 04:45:36 · 8 answers · asked by surdy 2

Is God a male? If so how big is his penis?

2006-07-19 04:40:58 · 16 answers · asked by anna o 1

best answer gets 10 pts!

2006-07-19 04:40:35 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

The guy walks into the office of the local psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says 'well I can clearly see you're nuts

2006-07-19 04:39:14 · 9 answers · asked by surdy 2

I know it is a sililoquee or something like that , I just couldn't really bring myself to try to spell that horrible word. hahaha
Best answer gets 10pts!

2006-07-19 04:29:56 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Milk, milk, lemonade.......

2006-07-19 03:56:40 · 19 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-07-19 03:56:08 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Answer this riddle correctly and get 10 pts.

2006-07-19 03:46:22 · 14 answers · asked by njnets159 3

2006-07-19 03:43:15 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

wat are the funniest txt msgs u've come across?

2006-07-19 03:32:25 · 3 answers · asked by brooklynkimep 1

Mine is: "What .........
is greater than God,
more evil than Satan,
poor people have it,
rich people need it,
if you eat it you will die?"

Answer : NOTHING

2006-07-19 03:22:16 · 3 answers · asked by metta1948 1

For example:

Saying - "Life is like mail - sometimes, you just don't get it."
Thought - "If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn"

Please don't use these two, come up with something original.

2006-07-19 03:04:20 · 28 answers · asked by HiFi 3

Can anyone give me websites for mathematical puzzles provided with the answers at the end? I just wanna practice myself and I wanna know the answers so I can review it. Thanks. The problems may be any kind of puzzles...but with answers either the next page or below it. No Sudokus please. Ty! Ü

2006-07-19 03:00:38 · 4 answers · asked by Jed Stephen 3

2006-07-19 02:52:45 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

one word answer. first to get it right gets 10 points.

2006-07-19 02:49:46 · 11 answers · asked by §}:{§ 3

2006-07-19 02:49:43 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Assume "the woods" are finite with non-wooded areas surrounding it. (This be a riddle whose answer I have forgotten)

2006-07-19 02:40:11 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok Im gonna make this a multi-parter...
Willys cynical thought for the day;

Remember this fact; any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 per cent probability you'll freaking get it wrong!

-  Midnight Bugs taste Best

-  Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they CAN hold everything you need.

-  Wear Heavy Boots. You can't kick things when you're wearin' sneakers.

-  NEVER argue with a woman holding a torque wrench.

-  If you're a complainer, ride at the back of the pack so you won't contaminate the rest of the group.

-  Never try to race an old Geezer; he may have one more gear than you.

-  The size of the PISTON don't tell you nothin' about the DEPTH of the stroke.

-  Home is where your bike sits still long enough to leave a few drops of oil on the ground.

-  You'll get farther down the road if you learn to use more than two fingers on the front brake.

-  Routine maintenance should never be neglected.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-19 02:34:37 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-19 02:27:23 · 12 answers · asked by -curbside- 4