Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

2006-07-18 22:55:36 · 14 answers · asked by X P 3

A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!

The wife says, "Wow! That's great! I'm so happy!! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?

He says, "I don't care. Just get the **** out."

2006-07-18 22:52:27 · 12 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

> A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered

> a glass of champagne.
>
> The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass
> of champagne, too!"
>
> "What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me. I'm
> celebrating."
>
> "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says
> the woman.
>
> "What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked,
> "What are you celebrating?"
>
> "My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
> gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
>
> "What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years
> all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying
> fertilized eggs."
>
> "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become
> fertile?"
>
> "I switched cocks," he replied.
>
> She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

2006-07-18 22:47:57 · 10 answers · asked by Pallie 2

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.
After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.

"Bob".

"And what is your question, Bob?"

"I have 3 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? And third,
What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies
that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?
Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks

him what his name is.

"Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? Third, What
happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20
minutes early?! And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!

2006-07-18 22:45:20 · 16 answers · asked by Pallie 2

On a farm the was a horse and a chicken who were friends. One day they were mucking around on the farm in a paddock where there was a big deep hole, which the horse fell into.

"Help me" neigh the horse.

"OK I'll go get the farmer." Clucked the chicken. And so the chicken went to get the farmer but he could not be found. So he went into the barn and got into the farmers new BMW and drove out to the horse, put a rope around the horse and pulled him out of the hole.

The next day not having learned the lesson the horse and the chicken were playing near the hole again. But this time the chicken fell in.

"Help me" clucked the chicken, but instead of running to get the farmers car the horse lowered his cock into the hole and picked up the chick.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

If your hung like a horse you dont need a BMW to pick up chicks.

2006-07-18 22:39:06 · 8 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

just checking the funny bone

2006-07-18 22:30:41 · 23 answers · asked by johhhnnnn 1

Pick one, why?

2006-07-18 22:18:47 · 16 answers · asked by jonzmom1 3

2006-07-18 22:08:16 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do you think would be on the other side? A map of the sea floor?

What do you think would be in the back? A map of the moon?

2006-07-18 22:03:38 · 15 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

2006-07-18 22:03:35 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

If a bus picks up 4 ppl,drops off 1 person,picks up 16 more ppl, the bus is white, picks up 13 ppl, drops of 2 ppl, picks up 34 ppl, drops off 13 ppl, picks up 68 ppl, the drops off 41 ppl, picks up 98 ppl, drops off 22 ppl picks up 54 ppl, drops off 11 ppl, picks up 145 ppl, drops off 21 ppl, picks up 2 ppl, drops off 5 ppl, goes all the way 2 Montana, then drops 23 ppl, picks up 922 ppl and drops off 922 ppl, then picks up 5 ppl. Wat color is the bus?

2006-07-18 22:02:52 · 6 answers · asked by Spitfire251 2

The Yamsters took away 1500 points from me this night, I went from Lv3 to Lv2, and I'm still not suspended.

2006-07-18 21:45:01 · 5 answers · asked by Coffee-Infused Insomniac 3

2006-07-18 21:32:08 · 12 answers · asked by deepak57 7

Every time I click my profile, right there he is, waving a little sign at me.

I can't go to my profile, I can't eat, I can't sleep... What am I to do?

Somebody make him go away!

2006-07-18 21:17:48 · 13 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

2006-07-18 21:16:47 · 13 answers · asked by sandy 2

Paddy walks into a bar. He orders 6 pints of Guiness. He then proceeds to drink the first one the third one and the fifth one. he then stands up to leave. The bar tender says "Hey Paddy why is it that you only drunk the first, third and fifth beer?" Paddy replys "Oh it's my doctor, he said i'm only allowed the odd drink"

2006-07-18 21:10:19 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

you have a fox a Chicken and a bag of Chicken feed and a boat that only holds two and a river that u have two cross with the chicken and the fox and the feed u can only take one at a time with u across the river in the boat what do u take first but remember the fox can eat the chicken and the chicken can set the feed and u can't let that happen what do u take across first then second and last

2006-07-18 21:04:10 · 7 answers · asked by thing s 3

Reebok have come out with a new style of womens shorts.
They're called Mumbles because...............
You can see the lips move, but you can't hear what the c**ts saying.

Question are we even allowed to tell dirty jokes on here?
If not I guess I will be banished.

2006-07-18 21:02:32 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

2006-07-18 20:56:02 · 14 answers · asked by Happy Alf 3

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

2006-07-18 20:46:53 · 10 answers · asked by Happy Alf 3

What is greater than god
more evil than the devil
poor people have it
rich people need it
and if you eat it you die?

2006-07-18 20:45:46 · 18 answers · asked by What!? No Way!? 4

As an aboriginal i no alot of **** jokes heres one

Q>What did god saywhen he created the first aboriginal "

A>Oh crap i burnt one!"

Soz if i offended i just think its f***ing funny

2006-07-18 20:39:55 · 4 answers · asked by rokstah_3 1

whats a funny suicide plot

2006-07-18 20:35:35 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

**== is a Flag
@};-is a Rose

2006-07-18 20:31:55 · 3 answers · asked by chops 1

A midget walks into a bar an slips on a piece of shat and gets up and orders a drink and a short time afta wards a giant walks in and slips on the same piece of poo and gets up fumed the midget says " i did that!!" so the big man kills him

wat do u think lol

2006-07-18 20:26:38 · 5 answers · asked by rokstah_3 1

2006-07-18 20:26:03 · 6 answers · asked by remo 1

2006-07-18 20:06:23 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks into a bar and demands a shot of
whiskey. The bartender complies and the man takes
the shot, puts it down and looks into his shirt
pocket. "Another", he says. Once again the
bartender gives him a shot, he downs it and then
looks into his pocket. "Another" and so on. This
goes on for awhile until the bartender whose
curiosity is peaked asks the man "Sir, why is it
that after every drink you look into your pocket".
The man (quite drunk) slurrs in response, "In my
pocket I have a picture of my wife and when she
starts looking good I'll go Home!"

2006-07-18 20:04:16 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two cows are standing in a field. One turns to the other and says, "Moo."

The other one says "I was just about to say that!"

2006-07-18 20:00:26 · 10 answers · asked by Happy Alf 3

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out
in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are
watching the auctioning off of bulls.

The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull
to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull
reproduced 60 times last year."

The wife nudges her husband in the ribs,
& comments, "See! That was more than 5 times
a month!"

The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine
specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last
year."

Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's
some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!"

Her husband is getting really annoyed with this
comparison.

The third bull is up for sale:
"And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365
times last year!"

The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells,
"That's once a day, every day of the year!
How about YOU?!"

The husband was pretty irritated by now, & yells
back, "Sure, once a day!... But ask the auctioneer
if they were all with the same cow!!!"

2006-07-18 19:58:23 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous